Heart to Heart – Friday February 1, 2019 – February 7, 2019


(Don’t believe any of the rumors that Hillary was being edged out by management. I just needed a break, that was all. I’ve still got my converted broom cupboard which stops me from swinging cats as there’s not enough room. Over the New Year break I was invited to dine by some kind gentlemen and Casa Pascal and Yupins are still the top of my tree. The Xmas tree looked a little top heavy with Pascal and Peter Marsh perched on the top, and the pine needles a bit scratchy they told me. Anyway, she said, hoisting up the hem to avoid tripping down the stairs, it appears there are just as many lads in strife in 2019 as there were in 2018.)  

On top of my Xmas tree

Dear Hillary,

Take Roger for example: I can’t believe that a girl who said she loved me, even more than I loved her as we went sight-seeing around Thailand for 6 weeks, would clean out my bank account one day after I returned home to Stratford. That money was for us to spend when I came over after the winter. Is this normal?


Dear Roger,

How long have you been reading this column with my pearls of wisdom? If it is less than one week then I might forgive you. If it is more than one week, don’t say you weren’t warned. Roger. A great son of Stratford On Avon once wrote, “All the world’s a stage and all the men and women are merely players” and he was completely right, my Petal. You have been dancing on the stage of life, but now the curtain has fallen after the first act. Your co-star was more experienced than you and got your salary as well as hers. Never mind, it’s only money and there’s lots more where that came from (the banks are bursting at the seams with the stuff). By all means, come and enjoy your time on central stage, but don’t be surprised if the leading lady exits stage left. She was a professional – you are an amateur.


An unhappy rear ending

Dear Hillary,

I was riding my motorcycle when I got rear-ended by some drunken idiot at the traffic lights. I will admit it wasn’t a big bump and everything on my bike seemed OK. What should I do under these circumstances? Is it worth calling the police? I got his registration number but didn’t look for his license.


Dear Greg,

The BIB would only be interested in what speed you estimate that you were doing when you backed into the car behind you. A suitable financial arrangement will be hacked out, in the other chap’s favor, and after two hours in preparing the charge sheets, you will be able to go home after paying a fine of around B. 400. Some things are best left along.


Another Mia Noi

Dear Hillary,

My best mate has split from his wife of many years. He found she had been playing up as a Mia Noi for some time. He wants to divorce her but has found out that he will have to pay lots of baht to get rid of her. How much do you think it will cost? Will the courts make her pay? She was in the wrong.


Dear Jimmy,

By the time this would get to the courts you will be an old age pensioner. Just carry on doing what you usually do. It will all come to nothing, but have a word with an accountant to protect yourself. I presume you have closed any bank accounts so she can’t withdraw whatever savings you might have had.