Guinness Book of Records for Pattaya

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Dear Hillary,

I see more Guinness Book of Records events for Thailand.  There were all the massages at one time and then all the hula-hoops, and what a waste of time, energy and money!  But since I reckon you can’t beat it, so in Pattaya I suggest we have one event being the greatest number of falangs ripped off by bar girls in one evening as one event, and then the greatest number of simultaneous “Hello Sexy Man” calls in one night, and finally the largest number of Viagra tablets swallowed by pensioners by 10 p.m. any night.  I have ignored the chance of having the greatest number of ladyboys collected together on Beach Road at any one time, because they are really too mobile to be counted.

Would the Pattaya Mail like to organize one or all of these potential Guinness record events?

Michael

Dear Michael,

You have been reading the paper intently, haven’t you my Petal.  And all your proposals look as if they could be done.  But I am not sure that the Pattaya Mail would like to be involved in your events.  The numbers have to be taken into account.  How many people would be needed to count all the randy pensioners?  And the countless numbers needed for recording “Hello Sexy Man”.  I estimate you would need one person counting per bar, and how many bars are there in Pattaya?  I agree we could get loads more Guinness records, but it’s just too difficult.  However, the Pattaya Mail could be interested in the crochet bar coasters event.  I’ll ask the Publisher when I see him next.