Getting my ex back again


Dear Hillary,

My ex has bobbed up again from somewhere. Last I heard she was in the States, but that was five years ago. There was lots of bad blood during the divorce so it knocked me off my perch when she bowls in just as if she was coming back from the shops. I haven’t got a permanent replacement, though to be honest she put me off women. Not that I’m into guys either. I said she could stay for a couple of weeks, and that was three weeks ago. What do I do next?


Dear Jeremy,

Why did she leave you? Was it because you could never make up your mind, my Petal? Show her the door and ask her to close it on the way out. If it’s company you want, buy a dog.