Does my face look red in this?

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Dear Hillary,

My red-faced Thai GF worries me. Every time she even has a sniff of some spirits she starts to go red in the face. This seems to happen any night and she doesn’t need to be drunk for it to happen. A few mates says their GFs are the same. Is it something in the beer?

Gez

Dear Gez,

You’ve been around long enough, my Petal, to know that the women of SE Asia are different from the women SE Swansea. Not only are the local ladies petite and good company, but unfortunately they are missing an enzyme in the liver or somewhere which breaks down the alcohol and starts the redness. That’s how I’ve been led to believe, but if you want to try the theory, we can start with a bottle of Veuve Clicquot champagne which you will supply (being the gentleman that you are) and we will drink it at your favorite watering hole. Just let me know and I will check my appointment diary.