Dating the perfect 10


Dear Hillary,

I am beginning to think the lyrics in the old song “if You Wanna Be Happy for the Rest of Your Life, Never Make a Pretty Woman Your Wife” are right on the money. On one hand, I am the luckiest guy in the world to have such a caring, intelligent, and incredibly gorgeous girlfriend. I mean she is a complete knock-out – a perfect 10. But, on the other hand, that is causing me many headaches living here in Pattaya. As you know, most men come here with one thing on their mind. And, no matter where we go in this town, there are always a slew of pot-bellied, follically-challenged middle-aged swine completely and unabashedly leering and ogling at my girlfriend. Their lecherous eyes stare at her as if she were a piece of meat on sale at the South Pattaya Market, and some go so far as to say lewd comments or use their worst pick-up lines on her. The worst part is their complete lack of respect and tact. They act as if I am not even there. I would never think of staring at a woman the way they do to her, especially if I see she has a boyfriend or husband. I think they feel that since there are lots of bar-girls around town they can treat any woman like that here. I have to do everything I can to restrain myself from punching their lights out. I wish I could go to their country and stare at their poor wives and girlfriends that they have left back home for their trip of adulterous debauchery here in Pattaya with the same sort of lust in my eyes as they have when gaping at my girlfriend. I wonder what their reaction would be? Probably they have as much respect for their wives and girlfriends back home as they have for the women here. What do you suggest? I just do my best to ignore these Neanderthals, or should I start learning Muay Thai and give them a good kick in the Ass? Thanks a lot!


Dear Dave,

You are a troubled little petal, aren’t you? You certainly are hanging onto some pent-up aggression. If it’s not punching their lights out, it’s a right proper kicking in the ass. Hillary wonders why you are so insecure with this relationship? Surely you are better looking than the pot bellied balding lechers, so why worry? And why would you waste time and money to go over there and look at their wives/girlfriends when you have this “10” right here? I wonder if the problem isn’t the ogling, it’s the fact that you are being ignored? Lighten up, puff out your chest and be proud of this gorgeous girl – or you will lose her and end up with a barker. Of course, then you won’t have to worry about the oglers.