Bottling up a bottle problem


Dear Hillary,

My husband appears to have a problem, which in turn gives me a problem.  He has a tendency to drink heavily at times and then can go into extreme rages.  During one of these turns he can do anything – stupid things like breaking windows or kicking down doors and the like.  I never know what to do when he gets like this, and neither does any of our friends as a few of them have witnessed it too, and some have refused to go out with us, “just in case.”  This has been brewing for some time and it is nothing for him to drink six large bottles of beer before dinner and then a few more after that.  Have you any suggestions that I could follow?  I did suggest he should see someone about this problem, but when he’s sober he thinks he doesn’t have a problem.  He has been a good husband until the past couple of years, but I can’t take much more of this.

Confused and worried

Dear Confused and worried,

You surely do have the cares of the world on your shoulders, but you are probably shouldering more than you should.  Unless you are the cause of your husband’s drinking, the main problem revolves around his responses to too much alcohol.  Why does he overindulge?  Does he admit to the irrational behavior?  Is he sorry afterwards, or does he blame someone else – or you?  Quite frankly, I think you need to get him to seek professional help and very soon, before he does you, or someone (or even himself) an injury.  Just be sympathetic towards his problem, but don’t wear it yourself.  He is the one with the problem, not you.  Best of luck, but be prepared for an upheaval in your life.  This is a very difficult situation.