Bigamy, fun for the family

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Dear Hillary,

I’m sure you must have heard of similar cases, but please give this your attention. My live in girl looks after me 100 percent but she’s married to some chap in the France. She tells me that she married him 10 years ago and he went back to France two years later and there’s no contact now for five years. He doesn’t send her money or anything and they had no children together. We’ve been together now a bit over a year and she is making noises like she wants to get married and build a little house up-country. What’s involved in this?

Jeremy

Dear Jeremy,

What’s involved? Paperwork, legal advice, paperwork and money, unless you’re handy with the hod and brickie’s trowel. And that’s not counting the cost of the little house up-country, which is a lot more than you think. Or lot more than she’s telling you. Really, my Petal, this is all very one-sided. She helps you with your socks in the morning and you buy her a house. Which, never forget, is in her name, not yours. Get the running shoes on.