Bar Girls matter


Dear Hillary,

I enjoy reading your Column on my annual trips to Thailand, and would not question your expertise or your sound advice, but can I make just two points;-

  1. If you are fortunate enough to find a good one – and they are out there – you have truly hit the jackpot.
  2. Treat every girl in every bar with respect – I know it’s all a bit of fun, but they are human beings, and not all are there by choice.

I know the odds are not good, but I took a chance over 30 years ago and have never for one second regretted it.

Alan W.

Dear Alan W,

Thank you for standing up for the Bar Girl cause, and I am delighted that your chance of 30 years ago has worked out so well.  You are also correct that the bar scene is “all a bit of fun”.  It is the fun aspect that keeps the whole thing going.  Unfortunately, many take the bar scene to be genuine.  By the time you cross cultural borders, age differences and all the other items in marriages, getting someone like your “good one” is a rarity.  Even you admit that the “odds are not good”.  We are agreeing on most things, so next time you are over, let’s have a glass of bubbles to celebrate.


Young Boy verses Old Girl

Dear Hillary,

I refuse to believe that people write in to you for advice.  You are just a figment of somebody’s imagination.  Come clean old girl.


Dear Mark,

The letter above yours (email actually, though I still get the odd paper letter) came in at the same time as your rude communication.  “Figment of somebody’s imagination” and then decides to point fingers at my age.  It’s you who must come clean young boy, or did you write it as a lark to see if I would reply?  The imagination was all yours.


User pays

Dear Hillary,

I read somewhere that all Thai girls want to get their hands in your pockets, and once they have cleaned you out, that’s it.  “No money, No Honey” as the T shirt says.  Is this really true?  I have met a few nice girls every time I’ve come over, and although I pay for everything when we’re out together, I think that’s natural.  I pay for everything back home when I take out a woman, so what’s the difference?

Confused Charlie

Dear Confused Charlie,

The difference is you get more fun out of the relationship here, my Petal, or that’s what I get told by my gentlemen friends.  It is nice to see there are still gentlemen in this world, and if you are paying, I’ll have a bottle of Veuve Clicquot when we go to dinner.  Of course you can have what you want as well, I’m not stingy.  Please let me know a week or so in advance, as I will have to fit you in to my crowded appointment book, though with promises of Veuve Clicquot you do go to the top of the waiting list.


Diploma in bra fasteners

Dear Hillary,

Is it the same all over the world that a woman will let you undress her, but they always do themselves up afterwards?  I’ve only got experience of the UK women and several Thai women, so that’s why I am wondering is it the same all over?


Dear Lothar.

Which I am sure is supposed to be short for “Lothario” with your “several Thai women”, are you having a joke, or making me think you must be a real stud?  Either way it falls flat, my Petal, just as you do.  The reason why your women dress themselves after a sweaty time with you, is that they cannot wait to get away from all your fumbling.  I’m sure you failed bra hooking and probably try to put knickers on backwards as well.  Can you blame us when we read such drivel?  (Mr. Editor, do I really have to put up with idiots like this one?)


Drinking under the table

Dear Hillary,

Sitting in a pub the other day, minding my own business and in comes this young Aussie chap, throwing his weight around, all boastful like.  You would have loved what happened next.  All the girls sucked up to him, and his big head was getting bigger, let alone any other sized head.  Drinks for everyone there, drinks for the girls, drinks for the cashier, and our big bronzed hero eventually fell to the floor, rat assed, while the girls were just happy.  Do you think there should be warning signs in bars, for people like him?


Dear Rabbie,

You’re not the Burns person are you?  Though I suppose if that were you, you would be several hundred years old.  What you witnessed was Karma, though I doubt if he would ever learn from the experience.  He will keep doing it till his piggy bank doesn’t rattle, and then go back to his country telling anyone who will stop and listen about how he took on a complete bar and outdrank them all.  Don’t worry, just keep the pot boiling while you can.