A rude awakening

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Dear Hillary,

After more than 10 years of marriage, and two school age children, my wife admitted she was having an affair with an educated man from Laos, who would come down to Pattaya and rent room for their trysts, but it had only been going “a couple of months” and she would stop the affair straight away.  I was shattered by the news, but decided to keep going for the sake of the children.

Six weeks later she had to attend a funeral up-country, and after sending messages every day, suddenly there was nothing for two days.  She then rang me from a strange telephone number (her cousin, she said) and said she had problems with plane flights but would be home the next day.

Two weeks after she got back I found her FB page that she had left open, with photos and how much he missed her and loved her cooking.  I confronted her with this and she admitted she had been seeing him in Laos, but said she would stop him by blocking him in FB.  She would also not have any more contact with him.

Another two weeks later and I saw the phone bill, showing almost daily phone contact with the strange number in Laos, which she admitted was the Laos man (and the same number as the ‘cousin’).

I asked her what did she want to do?  Stay with the Laos man (but it turns out he is married and the children have already left school) or try to patch up our marriage?  Patch up our marriage was her decision.  Now I find the affair had been going for almost a year and I have been told so many lies that I cannot sleep just thinking about it.

What are the chances of repairing our marriage, Hillary.  You must have heard of others.  Up till last year she was the model wife.  She’s Thai if you hadn’t guessed.

Charles

 

Dear Charles,

First, I am so sorry to hear of your plight, and I have done some research on your behalf.  However, the news isn’t all that good.  With two school age children, it is important that the best situation be done for them.  Like you, they are innocent parties in all this.  Charles, do whatever is best for the children, and forget about her feelings in this.  She was happy enough to ignore your feelings to start the affair.  I don’t know of many husbands who would find this situation easy.  Perhaps you should also point out that he had nothing to lose, but she had everything to lose.

By far, the majority of marriages where one partner is having an affair eventually fail (for many reasons).  With your situation, this was not a drunken one night stand, but a planned deception.  She made the decision and should be responsible in stopping the affair, but did not do so, until the fit hit the shan.  Sorry, but your wife comes across as very self-centered.  Work out what needs to be done, first for the children, and then for yourself.  She has made her bed.  Let her lie in it.