A Christmas Carol


Dear Hillary,

Nothing could have been further from my intent than to cause you offence.  Hillary, I beg you to look again, and you may see that the offending paragraph, the one that you omitted from my letter, with the exception of the reference to Champagne, contained only in fact the words of Charles Dickens, lifted from the pages of ‘A Christmas Carol’.  I committed this plagiarism in the hope of adding a seasonal touch more than anything else, and never for a moment thought that you would be offended.

I would also like to point out to you, that I have never had a relationship with a Thai woman, I said merely that I had had experience of a so called professional Thai: I helped her out of a tight spot that she had gotten into in the U.K.  My opinions are simply those of an observer: someone who has watched over several years, the exploits of my friends, and their countless failed and disastrous attempts to find love here; and I can only conclude that if you are looking for a ‘Gem’ then perhaps a coal mine is not the best place to start.

Best wishes,

Johnny Foreigner


Dear Johnny Foreigner,

OK, maybe I was having a bad hair day when I got your last missile (sorry, missive), so I am willing to call the truce, even without the champagne.  You speak of “countless failed and disastrous attempts to find love here” and this is so for those who go looking in the wrong places.  I do feel, however, my protesting Petal, that you should be wary of forming conclusions from a sample population of one, and “observers” can be thought of as “voyeurs”.  Never mind, I do agree with your gems and coal mines, or as I have said many times, if you are looking for some cheese, don’t go looking in a hardware shop.