First ran in 1998
Oh! Oh! Oh! Life can be such a bother sometimes. Teetha is in a bit of a dither. All of you know that the very first ‘Miss Pattaya’ beauty pageant was held at the Dusit Resort on April 25, this very evening. Teetha, ever punctual, had to be on time.
After a charitable afternoon visit to the Pattaya ‘Home for Unwed Fathers’, at which Teetha stayed a bit too long, she was in a rush to get home and tart up for the pageant. But how the time had flown! Of course, our readers understand, Teetha’s charity work is all important. What was she to do, just leave all those lovely, uh, lonely young men at ‘The Home’ without giving each her special attention?
Rushing into the house, she found her backless evening gown laying on the bed. The gown is also frontless, preventing a world of worries. One can slip it on either way without even looking; and having a zipper on each side makes it just that much easier.
Being so late, this was no time for art work. Teetha pulled a handy ‘Stencil-a-Face’ out of her drawers. These cunning inventions are ideal for the woman in a hurry. Just place the ‘Stencil-a-Face’ on and apply the make-up as you want. The ‘Stencil-a-Face’ makes sure the paint goes in only the right places.
They are handy, but not infallible. Teetha was in such a hurry! There was a bit of a mix-up with eye shadow and lipstick. But cerulean blue lips and ruby red eyes could actually start a new fashion. No time to worry. If anyone said anything really nasty, Teetha always had her two cans of Mace.
Or thought she would have them. Rushing out of the house and down the Soi, Teetha had forgotten the craven Soi dogs. The locals seem to enjoy releasing these monster beasts and allowing them to terrorize the neighbours. Teetha managed to beat two of the pack into submission with a well placed high-heel to the forehead. But one of the others took this opportunity to tear a large piece out of her dress. He succumbed to a wallop from Teetha’s very full purse. The real problem was Blitzkrieg, a nasty Doberman-Pit-Bull combination. Half a can of Mace and the demon still wouldn’t give up. Two cans of Mace in hand, Teetha gave the devil both barrels.
By this time, her dress was totally in tatters. Giving it a second thought, Teetha decided that this was all for the better. One tear would have been merely gauche, but this was a ‘fashion statement.’
Arriving at the venue fashionably late, all eyes were on Teetha as usual. Making her entrance with an ever-so-tiny flounce in her step, due to a missing heel, Teetha knew that every woman in the place would have given anything to be her. Some of the men. too.
Teetha greeted all her friends, as she didn’t want to appear conceited. A rather officious person on the stage, full of themselves at being chosen to MC the event, gave Teetha a dirty look. This person obviously has not been taught the proper manners of greeting friends at social gatherings. Thank goodness, Teetha had missed the tiresome 120 semi-semi finalist and 60 semi finalists and 20 sorta-semi finalist rounds and was there for the meat and potatoes (Schnitzel and Noodles).
Teetha heard there had been a lovely Chui-Chai dance, in which the dancer rejoices in her own beauty.
After this, the five finalists were chosen. This was nail-bitingly exciting and the males in the audience feigned decorum so admirably. It was, of course, a momentous occasion in Pattaya’s history, as it should be. The first ‘Miss Pattaya’.
Miss Photogenic’ was chosen. Number 19! Oh! Her name. Miss Mayurin Pataraphanich, nicknamed ‘Opal’. ‘The ‘Most Loved Girl in Pattaya’ award went to Number 39, Miss Andaman Dalapornphrom.
The lucky winner of the ‘Miss Pattaya’ crown was co-incidentally ‘Miss Photogenic’. Mayurin Pataraphanich.
The fortunate girl received a prize of 100,000 baht, a diamond tiara, many, many prizes.
This over, Teetha proceeded to liven up people’s evenings with anecdotes of her day.
Very tired and determined to show those dogs who was who and what was what, Teetha went out and bought a stun gun, then sallied home to write this for you, dear reader.