Dear Hillary,
Last week you had a British chap who was being bled dry by his Thai wife and her family with their respective hands out. You did not seem too hopeful that the situation could be saved. What is the reason for this?
Jeremy

Dear Jeremy,
Once anyone has had a money tree growing in the garden, the beneficiaries are never pleased if the tree is chopped down. In fact, they can get quite aggressive when they see an innocent person walking by with an axe. The British chap was also a pensioner, and usually those sorts of people past retirement age are looking for an easy life, not one of aggravation. However, you are better off out of a bad situation, and he definitely so.

Dear Hillary,
I wonder if there are any saps out there that actually send you chocolates and bubbly? Surely they know that “Hillary” isn’t a real person.
Just Wondering

Dear Just Wondering,
Wonder no more, Petal, just look at the letter below yours. Best you look over your shoulder too, he’s not called “Big D” for nothing. And he does send chocolates, and the real Hillary, the one typing this, enjoyed them very much.

Dear Hillary,
A belated Valentine’s Day greeting to you. I enjoy reading your weekly column. I hope you enjoy the chocolates I sent you!
Big D USA

Dear Big D,
You have always been the one to restore my faith in mankind. You have never forgotten me, even though we are like ships that pass in the night. I certainly did enjoy them, but took a photo so that I can always remember (until the next time)! And if you bump into a chap called “Just Wondering”, give him a piece of my mind.

Dear Hillary,
I wanted a hair cut so I went to my usual barbers the other day, to find it was closed. This was something new to me, so I drove around to see the next one, and it was closed as well. Asking around with my friends, I was told that all barbers close on Wensdays (sic) and it was a Wensday (sic) that I was looking at. Can you tell me why they all want to shut on that day? I had to spend the rest of the afternoon in the pub instead. Is it a goverment (sic) rule or what? Just sign me Hairy Harry.

Dear Hairy Harry,
Aren’t you lucky, it was just the Bar-ber that was closed, and not the Bar-beer! Your friends were correct, the barbers close on Wednesday (write out the correct spelling 100 times, Petal). It is not a government (write this one out 100 times as well) rule, but comes from the fact that we consider it to be bad luck to cut your hair on a Wednesday, so the clever barbers may as well close, rather than spread the bad luck. It is something like the old religious edict of “no meat on Fridays” overseas, which gave the butchers a holiday as well.

Big D’s chocolate affair.

Dear Hillary,
I was told many years ago that you shouldn’t let your wife’s family come to stay with you, even just for a few days, as it always ends up for weeks or months. I thought I was lucky because it never happened to me. Relatives might stay one or two nights, but that was it. Recently things have changed a lot now with her brother and her cousin and her mother all staying in the house with us. They all stay in the one room which I think is a bit unhealthy, and they’ve been here for three months and there’s no sign of them leaving. They are quiet and do help around the house and garden, but this wasn’t what I really expected. I asked my wife about it but she just says it’s OK and they’ll be going soon after they brother and cousin have got jobs and mother is just having a holiday. Well I wish I could have three month holidays. What’s the next move, Hillary? Enough’s enough, surely. I have a close family in the UK, but they wouldn’t come and stay forever.
Horace the House Husband

Dear Horace the House Husband,
You are now starting to see a little of what Thai society is all about, my Petal. Family reigns supreme, and it is usual for them all to sleep in the same room. It’s not unhealthy. It is Thai. When you got married, you joined a Thai family, much more than your wife joining your UK family. After all, you married a Thai lady and chose to live in Thailand. You would have to expect that Thai culture will be dominant. You can try voicing your reluctance to have them there, but be prepared for difficulties. This is your wife’s immediate family. You can always try to find them jobs - in a far away city. Lots of luck!