My Mother died two weeks ago. She was 94 years of age, and other than the
physical frailties that nine decades brings, she was in quite reasonable health.
She lived in the north of Scotland and looked forward to my telephone calls,
catching up on the family happenings. Her passing was quick and gentle. Took to
her bed on the Saturday and slid out of this life on the Sunday morning.
My sister and I shared the familial grief by phone. With
Mother at 94 we knew in advance that she had to have turned the corner into the
home straight, but even so, our grief was one of copious tears followed by an
unwilling acceptance that our Mother had “gone”.
Two weeks later I can still get teary-eyed. Is this still
grief, or is it now depression?
Well, if you are a western male, even if it is ‘depression’,
you will almost automatically repress the emotion. You were taught to do this by
your father. You probably even picked up your crying toddler son after a tumble
and said, “There, there. Big boys don’t cry. You’re OK.” We are all guilty of
promoting this stereotype.
“Men tend to be action-oriented, so they mistrust feelings
and tend to regard emotions as a sign of weakness,” says Dr Michael Dudley, a
psychiatrist and chairman of Suicide Prevention Australia. “For men, mental
illness is seen as a moral failing, so they bury pain and don’t talk to people
about it. But depression is an illness, not a weakness.”
However, what has to be understood is that just “feeling
down” on its own is not a symptom of mental illness. We all feel down from time
to time, generally when something has happened to precipitate it, such as the
passing on of my Mother. We all feel sad from time to time, but depression is an
ongoing sadness that lasts for two weeks or more, with a complete loss of
pleasure in things that were once enjoyed. With that description, I can honestly
say I am still grieving, but I am not depressed.
Since men have been raised not to have public displays of
depression, many adopt strategies to cover the problem, with the common ways
being to become workaholics, risk taking to produce ‘highs’, alcohol and illegal
drugs.
The incidence in the community is frightening. The Australian
National Survey of Mental Health and Wellbeing found that one in four women and
one in six men suffered from depression. In 20 years it is predicted that
depression will be second only to heart disease as Australia’s biggest health
problem.
While the causes of depression are multiple, and men try to
mask their problem, the sad part is that depression can be treated. Modern
pharmaceutical medication is not ‘mind altering’ but restores the chemical
balance in the brain to allow ‘normal’ thought processes to return.
So here are 10 tips to help beat depression:
1. Stay active - go gardening, take a brisk walk or go
swimming.
2. Healthiness is happiness - don’t neglect your health when
you’re feeling low. Eating and sleeping well will have a positive impact.
3. Don’t drown your sorrows - alcohol is a depressant that
will make things worse both in the short and long term.
4. Knowledge is power - think it through and systematically
pinpoint the things that make you feel depressed in the first place.
5. Don’t isolate yourself - surround yourself with family and
friends, they are a fantastic support mechanism.
6. Keep it simple - evaluate the aspects of your lifestyle
that put added pressure onto you and try to cut them out.
7. Rationalize your worries - writing them down can help get
them out of your head.
8. Feelings are fleeting - the world around us is not
depressing, only our own perception of it, which can just as easily turn around
in an instant.
9. Altruism enhances moods - a kind gesture here and there
will do wonders for your wellbeing.
10. Take responsibility - things will only change when you
realize you are the number 1 change factor.
And if you are male, it is very important you recognize your
own moods and not be afraid to ask for professional help.
