Dear Hillary,
This is a bit long, so you’ll have to excuse me. I bought a house last year in a nice village. The people I bought it off were very helpful and even let me have enough time to get some more money over from England, and let me stay in the place while I was waiting. They arranged the transfer and all that sort of thing so I could save money on legals and even said they would pay the government taxes. I signed all the bits of paper they gave me and handed over the money at the Lands Office and we shook hands. I have been living there now for almost a year and along comes this person who wants to know what I am doing there as he says it is his house. I told him I had bought it, but he said no, he had bought it and was waving the deed which he said shows that he is the owner. I cannot find the people who sold it to me and it seems as though my name was never put on the deed. I think I have been conned. Do you think I will get my money back?
House Hunter

Dear House Hunter,
Let me ask you one question, Petal. Would you buy a house in England without getting legal advice to make sure the title was in the name of the person you were buying it from? Would you not check after the sale transfer to make sure your name was on the deed? So why do you do the opposite in this country? If anything it is even more important over here to get legal advice when you are an expat and (most probably) cannot read Thai. Go and see a reputable Thai lawyer (not one recommended by the previous house seller) and find out where you stand. Sorry, right now I think you’re homeless! Will you get your money back? Ask the lawyer and ask him how much it will cost in legal fees to try. Best of luck.

Dear Hillary,
On my first day in Thailand, I was walking around a shopping center rubber-necking as I was a bit lagged from the long flight from the US and two Thai girls came up to me and one said, “I go with you,” and stood there. I was gob-smacked. I didn’t know what to say or do, to be honest. Then the other said, “She want go with you. We come from Bulilam. Get here today.” Now it’s easy to say I should just have walked away, but she was gorgeous, so I stood there like a buffoon with this big smile and my head spinning round. Her friend took charge again and said, “You take eat now,” and the three of us walked to an upmarket seafood restaurant around the corner.

In the restaurant it was obvious that the girl who wanted to go with me did not have any real English, and the other one was only slightly better, and I was left thinking how brave they were to come and speak to me with so little communication skills.

By then I was almost passing out with tiredness and I paid the bill and left them there, even though they asked me where I was staying, but I didn’t know what to say or do. Was that being rude, Hillary? Or what should I have done? I never want to upset people, but this was something new to my experience.
Texas Tom

Dear Texas Tom,
How old are you? Petal. I think you must be about 17, or perhaps just a late developer? I can assure you that they had not come down from Buriram that day. They knew where the expensive seafood restaurant was, and they ate well on your wallet and probably got a small tip from the manager as well. You were being worked over by professionals who could spot a newbie from across the shopping mall. But to make you happy, you were not rude and you did not upset them. With steamed sea bass inside, they would have gone on to the next shopping center and looked for another likely sucker. Next time it will be safer if you just take me to dinner. I like expensive seafood places too.

Dear Hillary,
I have not been in Pattaya a long time, but I can see already what you mean with the young guys coming over here. I see them every night at the bars, buying expensive lady drinks for girls who are just playing up to them. Like you say, don’t they ever learn?
Joe

Dear Joe,
You have to be a little more charitable, Petal, and realize that these girls are “working” girls and they are just doing their job. They are supposed to get a certain quota of lady drinks each night, and by laying on the charm, is the way they do this. The young chaps are enjoying an evening and the young girls are earning their salary. It is a victimless ‘crime’. It only becomes a problem when the young chaps think the situation is real.