Say “No!” to bar fines

Hi Hillary,

I’ve been in Pattaya many times and I have many good friends who work in bars and I know many of the bar girls have a Thai boy friend who they support and buy drugs for and most bar girls are loyal to the bar and to the Thai people and I want every falang to know that they don’t have to pay bar fine or money if they want a Thai girlfriend. Don’t waste your time or money with Thai lady or any Thai who ask you for money just walk away. I love Thailand and I think Thai people are very friendly and easy going I’m going back soon again and not every bar girl is bad but never send money, send it to some school or orphanage.

Dieter

Dear Dieter,

Does your advice about walking away from any Thai who asks you for money extend to bus conductors? If that is the case, look at all the money I can save on the (rare) trips to Bangkok! But jokes aside, my Petal, I agree with you - just never hand over money (unless it is to the aged Agony Aunt’s charity appeal - a very good cause administered by me) as this is the wrong way to begin any relationship. One of my friends (I do have more than one) who married a Thai lady said, “During our time when we were going out together, she was the only woman who never asked me for money.” There certainly is a lesson to be learned there, one that many farangs have not fully understood. Mind you, since she controls the family finances these days she’s got all the money! (Why can’t I find a man like that?)

Anyone for a Tatt?

Dear Hillary

Let me say first of all that I really appreciate your column and your replies to many farangs, some of them pretty stupid or ingenuous or just suckers. I like your answers sometimes ironic or harsh and biting but always hitting the nail on the head. But let me go on to my question. Walking daily along Jomtien Beach I noticed that a remarkable number of Farangs are totally tattooed with picturesque, lustful pictures.

Meanwhile in the evening I enjoy watching Historic, Planet or Geographic TV channels. Lately Historic is programming a series for TV showing how is life in jail even in a maximum security prison. All inmates have their body entirely tattooed with funny or diabolical images.

Do you think dear Hillary that the above mentioned farangs are former convicts happily hosted by the city of Pattaya or are only exhibitionists?

Have a good day,

Concerned Farang

Dear Concerned Farang,

We will never know, will we, my Petal? I suppose you could always go up and ask them if they have ever done ‘time’, but that could be considered a tad personal. You could always take a camera and say you are going to publish a book on tattoos, and if they are merely exhibitionists they will jump at the opportunity. If, however, they are escaped convicts, they will probably jump on you and your camera. No, on reflection, you are better off going to Naklua Beach.

Too old to throw a leg over?

Dear Hillary,

I am thinking of buying a motorbike to ride around the city, even though it is many years since I last ‘threw my leg over’. I have a lot of worries about this as I have heard that a lot of bikes are stolen and end up crossing the border. What is your feeling about this?

Valentino

Dear Valentino,

Feelings about what, my motorcycling Petal? Whether you are still good enough to throw the leg over, or whether your motorcycle will take its destiny into its own handlebars and rush across the border? Really, motorcycle riding is something that Ms. Hillary does not do as I consider it far too dangerous. The 80 percent of road accidents are with motorcycles, and that’s enough for me. I have no desire to become a statistic.

Ladyboy love?

Dear Hillary,

You have been warning everyone about the dangers of falling in love with bar girls, though I can see just how easy it is. They promise so much, but then… Now here’s my problem. I am becoming very friendly with a ladyboy, and I am sure we will end up “having an intimate relationship” (there are some words you can’t use in a family newspaper, my Petal). What I am wondering, is there any future in this sort of relationship?

Chuck

Dear Chuck,

You are asking the impossible question, Chuck. In any relationship, be that M-F, F-F or M-M, the factors that control the future of the relationship depend upon the feelings of the two individuals, and their emotional stability and maturity. I do not see any difference between the three types. I know of people in these three relationships which have been steady for many years, but there are also just as many that do not last. Go slow, Chuck, that is my advice right now. If you were really sure, you wouldn’t be writing to me!