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HEADLINES [click on headline to view story]:
 
Family Money: The Alternative View
 
Snap Shots: Shooting into the sun
  
Modern Medicine: Fat, Fair, Fertile and Forty

Heart to Heart with Hillary
 
Grapevine

Animal Crackers: Foster Mum
 
Social Commentary by Khai Khem
 
Women’s World
 
Shaman’s Rattle
 
The Message In The Moon
  
The Computer Doctor
 
A Slice of Thai History
 
Guide to buying a large dog
 
Antiques, are they genuine?
 
Down the iron road

Family Money: The Alternative View

By Leslie Wright

“Volatility” is a word that no one who follows the financial markets can easily avoid these days, and it’s a word with understandably unsettling connotations for most investors.

I wrote last week about how equities outperform bonds which outperform cash investments over time, but are more volatile in the short term.

What this means, simply, is that markets can and often do go down as well as up - sometimes quite steeply in either direction - which with a ‘long’ position in equities (meaning you’ve bought and are holding some) can mean the value of your holdings can go down - at least, for a time - and you’d lose money if you cashed up your investment at that point.

Alternative investments quite simply invest into instruments that differ from the usual strategy of buying stocks or bonds and holding onto them in the hope that their value will increase.

Keeping your options open

One example is options, which are the right to buy (called ‘put’ options) or the right to sell (called ‘call’ options) stocks or other assets (such as currencies or commodities, for example) at a fixed price for a pre-determined period, and for only a marginal deposit. If you guessed right and your asset goes up (in the case of holding put options) or down (if you’re holding call options) you exercise the option, and keep the difference between what you paid on margin and the current respective selling or buying price of the assets in question.

So by using this investment technique you can in fact make money in a falling market as well as a rising one. You can also protect your ‘long’ position against losses you might incur if you guessed the market wrong.

Here you would have bought ‘put’ options to cover a proportion or even all of your stock purchases, which if the market went up as you hoped, you would let lapse, losing only the “deposit” you’d paid for the options. However, if the market had a downturn, you’d be able to exercise your options and make a profit from them which would offset the losses you would have incurred with your ‘long’ position.

This is what in the investment industry is called taking a ‘hedge’, and how many of the simpler hedge funds work: covering their exposure in direct equity holdings with reverse options.

However, either way, you’d be covering a loss with a profit or a profit with a loss. It doesn’t take a great brain to work out that while this technique reduces your potential loss, it also inevitably reduces your profit, whichever way the market goes.

How then can you offset that erosion of profit? By doing a dog-leg investment strategy, which involves covering your options with other options. Before your head spins too much, let me explain.

Let’s assume you’ve bought some stocks and covered the potential risk with call options in the same market. You then buy a smaller amount of put options in either a non-correlated market or asset class, whereby if the first market moves positively and you thus stand to lose your deposit on the call options, the market or asset-class which is not correlated to the first market may well have moved in the other direction, thereby enabling you to exercise your put options and make a profit, which offsets the cost of the call options.

It’s like taking out an insurance policy, for which you’re paying a relatively small premium in the hope you don’t have to collect on the policy, but having the peace of mind that it’s there if events transpire such that you need to collect on it.

You will of course also have made a profit from the original assets you’d covered with the call options, so generally speaking, you’d make a profit in at least one if not two of the dog legs. (You inherently can’t make a profit on all three.)

This strategy works especially well in markets where short-term volatility is commonplace - emerging market equities, commodity futures, currency trading, the TMT sector (technology, media, telecommunications) of the stock market. The higher-risk end of the markets, in other words.

Since this hedging technique works best with large amounts of money - more than most amateur investors can bring to bear - a whole slew of alternative investment funds (known generically as ‘hedge funds’) using these sophisticated techniques has sprung up, and developed into a significant arm of the investment industry. These funds enable small investors to play with the big boys.

There have of course been some unmitigated disasters - the LTCM debacle some three years back being a prime example, which nearly crippled the US banking industry and eventually had to be bailed out by the Fed to the tune of over $2 billion.

This caused a major re-think by both hedge fund managers and regulatory bodies, and has resulted in a clean-up of the whole hedge fund industry. London has led the drive to ensure better regulation and greater transparency both as regards the way this class of funds is managed and the charges they are allowed to take from the assets under management.

Some alternative investment funds - of which there has been an ever-increasing number floated on the market, especially in recent troubled times - have been holding their own this year, with a few even exceeding their targets during the first half of 2001.

This performance record is a testament to the managers themselves, since the crystal balls that investors assume all investment managers have were very cloudy in the first quarter of this year, and started to clear only in the second quarter. Indeed, things are still rather opaque and shadowy.

But as most alternative-investment specialists well know, it is the proven capacity of well-positioned, intelligently allocated multi-strategy portfolios to perform well even in difficult and volatile market conditions that differentiates alternative investments in general from traditional investments. And it is the ability to capitalize on volatility differentiates that sets certain hedge fund managers apart from others.

One of the best performing strategies in the hedge fund world over the past three years has been options arbitrage. This is a very sophisticated investment technique, and I shan’t bore you with the details of exactly how it works. Suffice it to say that arbitrage looks for tiny differentials in different markets - for instance, the US Dollar may be trading at 120.65 in Tokyo, and 120.50 in London - and takes advantage of them, using a variety of options offsetting each other. The end result is it makes money if applied correctly - which at the end of the day is what any investor is looking for.

It is no secret that market volatility tends to benefit the performance of hedge fund managers much more than it does traditional money managers, but this is not to say that all hedge fund managers are equally adept at taking advantage of this benefit. Quite the contrary.

Depending on the strategies the managers employ, the markets they’re in, or the discipline (or lack thereof) of the managers themselves, volatility (in either direction) can have strikingly different effects on the performance of hedge fund managers. And one of the biggest challenges they face as asset allocators is to gain as much insight as they can into the different ways that volatility affects different managers and different strategies.

The better they understand the dynamics of volatility, the greater their ability to structure and weight their portfolios accordingly, particularly in the kinds of environments we’ve seen over the past year, and are likely to experience in the foreseeable future.

The many faces of volatility

It is worth emphasizing - obvious though the point may be - that volatility can be an elusive phenomenon to analyse.

You have to differentiate, for instance, the factors that trigger volatile surges from volatile dips.

Even in the traditional major stock markets, much depends on investor sentiment, which is a difficult animal to analyse let alone quantify.

In smaller emerging markets, volatility can be caused by institutional buyers suddenly flooding a market and driving it sharply upwards, and then taking profits, which drives it just as quickly down again.

Or, in some cases, doing quite the reverse with ‘short’ selling techniques, as happened to Sterling in ’92 and emerging Asian countries in ’97. (That is why some countries are so anxious when Mr George Soros or his minions appear on the horizon.)

You need to draw a distinction, too, between volatility that is triggered by random events (a geopolitical crisis, for instance) and volatility that can be linked to structural patterns and can therefore be analysed historically.

And one has to bear in mind that the factors triggering volatility in one market - the currency market, for instance - may have absolutely no effect on another market, such as commodities.

Analyses of this kind serve yet another valuable purpose: they provide a strong test for non-correlation, enabling us to see whether assumptions managers make about non-correlation are borne out by what is actually happening in various markets and in all the strategies they manage.

All of which explains why, in light of recent market conditions, many hedge-fund managers have been focussing a great deal on volatility. More specifically, they use their accumulated experience to create “stress test” volatility scenarios in different markets.

The objective, simply put, is to enhance their ability to recognize under what conditions volatility is likely to develop, but even more important, which strategies are at risk and which are best positioned to take advantage of it.

But fund managers and portfolio managers are not seers or soothsayers. They can’t read Alan Greenspan’s mind or control what happens in the Middle East, the Balkans, or China.

But what we investors can do is to educate ourselves to alternative investment techniques, and apply what we learn to our asset allocation strategies.

Traditional money managers can use volatility as an excuse for below-target performance. As asset allocators for alternative investments, hedge-fund managers don’t enjoy that luxury.

Leslie Wright is managing director of Westminster Portfolio Services (Thailand) Ltd., a firm of independent financial advisors providing advice to expatriate residents of the Eastern Seaboard on personal financial planning and international investments. If you have any comments or queries on this article, or about other topics concerning investment matters, contact Leslie directly by fax on (038) 232522 or e-mail [email protected] Further details and back articles can be accessed on his firm’s website on www.westminsterthailand.com

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Snap Shots: Shooting into the sun

by Harry Flashman

All the “good books” will tell you to shoot with the sun behind your back. This way the subject is brilliantly lit, the colours become vibrant, the camera can work out the exposure easily and the end result is a great photograph. If this is the truth, why shoot any other way? Why shoot into the sun instead?

Well, like so many things in life, rules are there to be broken, but in this case, photographic “rules” are really only photographic “suggestions”. While the sun behind your back is a “safe” way of getting an image, by using the light in different ways you will get “different” photographs. And surely getting something out of the ordinary is the way to go.

However, when you stray from the tried and true ways, you are in some ways a little bit of a pioneer, and the end result can be somewhat of a “hit and miss” situation. But to help you, here are some hints that Harry (and others) have discovered over the years to make your foray into this field less of a blundering experience and more of an adventure.

The first item to understand is that when you point the camera towards the sun, the exposure meters in the camera are thrown completely off. The pre-programming is for a brightly lit subject in the centre and darker stuff around the edges. All of a sudden, with backlighting around the subject you have a dark central subject and brighter stuff around the edges.

So what to do about this? The first aspect you have to consider is what is the final effect to be? Do you want a bright photograph of, for example, a sunset with figures in dark silhouette in the foreground, or do you want a shot of a particular foreground subject, with a “halo” or rim light around the subject? This decision is the most important.

Let’s deal with silhouettes first. The subjects to be shown in silhouette must be readily identifiable, so simple shapes are important. You must also not overlap the silhouetted shapes because you will end up with an unidentifiable blob. As Larry Dale Gordon, one of my favourite photographers, says in his book - “Don’t do blobs.”

You are aiming for a bright background, so what you have to do is point your camera at the background, to let all the little magic diodes understand that is what they are dealing with. Push the shutter release half way down to “lock” the exposure and keeping it partially depressed compose the shot in the viewfinder. Zappo! Take the shot.

Now these exposures are never spot on, so using the exposure compensation button, knob, or whatever your camera has, retake the shot at +1 and -1 settings. If your camera is a manual one then you can just do this manually, but if auto you must go through the routine of exposure lock on the background and compose again.

For Halo or rim lighting, the exact opposite is the way to go. In this shot you want to be able to identify details of the subject, but want a rim of light around it. This works particularly well for hair or fur. Begin by walking in close to the subject and taking the exposure reading from the face. Lock the exposure with the partially depressed shutter and walk backwards and compose the shot. The exposure should be correct for the foreground subject, but the lighter background will be “blown out”, producing a ring of brightness around the edge of the subject. Again, take this shot at +1 and -1 because you cannot exactly predict the outcome.

As an additional way of front lighting the backlit subject, you can try reflecting some of the light back into the face of the subject. You can do this with a large white card, or even a large cardboard box opened out.

Try something just that little different this weekend.

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Modern Medicine: Fat, Fair, Fertile and Forty

by Dr Iain Corness Consultant

Nice heading, don’t you think? In actual fact, this week’s topic is gallstones, and the typical patient is fat, fair, fertile and forty.

While these silly mnemonics do help young medical students remember some key factors, the 4 F’s should not be taken as gospel. 10% of men and 15% of women will develop gallstones in their lifetime, with the incidence increasing with age.

The gall bladder lives in the right upper quadrant of your belly, closely nestling up against the underside of the liver. It is involved in the digestive process and helps manufacture bile. So when you are feeling a little “bilious” - blame your gall bag!

One of the most common ingredients in a gallstone is our old friend Cholesterol (bobs up everywhere, doesn’t it) and again this can give us problems. While 75% of gallstones may not give any symptoms, the 25% that do, give plenty of problems. Try severe pains under the right lower ribs which comes in waves lasting around 30 minutes.

How do we diagnose gallstones? Well first you begin with a high degree of clinical suspicion. This comes from years of listening to patients retelling their symptoms, and the diagnosis is generally confirmed by Ultrasound. However, sometimes the gallstones can become jammed in a little tube called the Common Bile Duct. These are harder to see on Ultrasound and are best visualized by a technique called Cholangiography. This is usually done as an operative procedure, and the stone(s) are removed at the same time.

Very often, the gallstones are found as an incidental finding, and if they are causing no problems, the answer is simply to leave them alone. The chances of developing symptoms over 20 years are about 18% the good books tell me, so with an 82% chance of getting off with nothing, who would volunteer for an operation?

However, for those with symptoms, operation is really the answer. This is generally done in one of two ways. First the “old fashioned” way. This requires a very large incision under the ribs on the right upper section of your belly. It is a difficult operation because the surgeon has to work “underneath” the liver, and the young surgical assistant spends hours pulling on retractors to give the great man access to the gallbladder. In your first year of surgery you get very cramped hands!

The “new” way is called Laparoscopic Cholecystectomy and was pioneered in 1987 by a French surgical team. With this much less invasive method, the operating laparoscope is inserted through a small incision in the abdominal wall, and the surgeon does the job under the direct “telescope” vision. While this results in less trauma, shorter hospitalisation and quicker recovery, it is not always successful and the operation may have to be converted to the older “open” method.

Some work is being done to try Extracorporeal Shockwave Lithotripsy (ESWL) to bombard the stones with unltrasound shockwaves, break them up and then dissolve them with oral therapy. This is useful on a limited number of patients only, and the treatment has to be continued for 12 months.

No, if you have symptomatic stones, ask for laparoscopic surgery first!

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Dear Hillary,

The other evening we were discussing your pearls of wisdom, over an imported bottle of French Champagne, and one of our number mentioned the good lady, Edith Clampton (Mrs) who was a prolific writer to the Bangkok Post. We had previously tried ringing the Pattaya Mail newspaper to ascertain your identity, but had failed to get past the lady on the front desk. Would Hillary and the said Edith be one and the same? Please answer this as there have been considerable wagers laid.

The Enquirer

Dear Enquirer,

Darlings, Hillary is aware of the famous Edith Clampton (Mrs) and has read some of her ultra-right wing ramblings. How could you possibly think that the young, hip Ms. Hillary and the elderly effusive Mrs. Edith could be the same person? Shame on you and Hillary hopes you lost heaps in the wagers! Hillary has always been the proponent of the rights of the “little person” while Edith expounds elitist eulogies. Now, as penance, please send the remaining bottle(s) of French Champagne to the Pattaya Mail office, clearly marked, ‘For Hillary’. Thank you Petal.

Dear Hillary,

I read your Heart to Heart with Hillary article today about the dowry thing (Vol IX, No. 24) and that reminded me that I also must figure that out. I am curious, how much should be paid? I have never seen a concrete amount assigned. Is it something like America where the engagement ring is two months salary? I have been led to understand that the amount should reflect how much I love the girl; however, I can not give her family the world. What do you think, Hillary?

Wondering.

Dear Wondering,

This is very much a matter of private negotiation, but you will usually be advised by an “Uncle” of the amount deemed satisfactory. There is no two months salary equation here, my Poppet. It’s more of an “Open your wallet and say after me - Help Yourself” equation I’m afraid. Generally it is in the range of 30,000 to 100,00 baht for the farang suitors. Make sure she’s worth it. The dowry is non-returnable!

Dear Hillary

I met and fell in love with a beautiful local girl in a Pattaya bondage bar and I soon allowed her to move in with me. In order to ensure I did not fall victim to the classic “empty the house when he’s at work” trick I decided to tie her up during the day. Needless to say she objected strongly to this and I was forced to gag her to prevent the neighbours hearing. Can you suggest any shops around Pattaya where I can acquire the proper equipment for this? Also, to show her appreciation she says she is determined to give me a proper ‘Thai Haircut’ next time she ties me up! I am fairly excited by this as grooming in the nether regions has always been a bit of a fantasy. What different styles of ‘Thai Haircuts’ are available and which one would you suggest I ask her to give me?

Rupert

Dear Rupert,

You are a silly twisted boy, aren’t you? Do you know the true definition of a sadist? It’s someone who is nice to a masochist. However, since you seem to be more of the latter, the different types of Thai Haircut that you are looking forward to are basically related to waste disposal after “trimming” - the most usual is being fed to the ducks, but in some communities, if they don’t give a duck, the pigs get it instead. This is a most dangerous ‘playground’ for young and inexperienced lads like yourself, Rupert. Hillary thinks you should stick to safer pastimes like cordless bungy jumping, rather than continue on down the bondage bar. While you are thinking about it, here are a few bars you may enjoy from the prolific pen of a clever American satirist Tom Lehrer, called “The Masochism Tango”. (Go on, sing it to yourself with any tango tune).

I ache for the touch of your lips, dear,
But much more for the touch of your whips, dear.
You can raise welts
Like nobody else,
As we dance to the Masochism Tango.

Let our love be a flame, not an ember,
Say it’s me that you want to dismember.
Blacken my eye,
Set fire to my tie,
As we dance to the Masochism Tango.

Your eyes cast a spell that bewitches.
The last time I needed twenty stitches
To sew up the gash
That you made with your lash,
As we danced to the Masochism Tango.

Take your cigarette from its holder,
And burn your initials in my shoulder.
Fracture my spine,
And swear that you’re mine,
As we dance to the Masochism Tango.

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GRAPEVINE

Computer crime

Thai police are asking for the cooperation of the public in identifying lewd sites and news groups on the Internet with a view to banning them. They are going to be kept busy if US reports are true that maybe a third of all surfers worldwide are looking for some kind of titillation and no pun intended. Thai servers, such as Loxinfo and KSC, point out that subscribers agree on enrolment to terms and conditions which include a prohibition on downloading indecent material. But how do you know what is lewd or indecent? You don’t, but the courts will.

The ultimate deterrent

A debate is raging in the kingdom about the rights and wrongs of capital punishment. But, actually, throwing open to public inspection the prison yard execution sites doesn’t help to win over the ‘against’ lobby. It merely confirms their belief that such deaths are inhumane, morally wrong and could include some miscarriages of justice. The point is not so much whether shooting or lethal injection is the way ahead, but whether the state should be in the business of putting people to death. It’s a worrying thought, none the less, that nearly a hundred guys in US, since 1976, have been set free after new evidence showed they shouldn’t have been there in the first place.

Mistakes galore

A Hong Kong based travel brochure has some odd things to say about Pattaya. “There are no traffic lights from Bangkok airport to the beach resort of Pattaya and you’ll hardly notice the journey... Many hotels are dirty (sic) cheap and there are even some fruits waiting for you in your room... Cross dressing is the norm but you should not wear shorts or go topless if this could would cause you a problem... Local authorities speak many languages but, if they don’t, you must hire a cross translator... There is no inflation, but prices are higher than they used to be because of a recent meltdown.”

Still the king

Greg’s Kitchen on Second Road is arguably better than ever these days. There are some creamy soups for starters and the air conditioned section is proving to be really popular. The roast beef and roast lamb specials, at 195 and 285 baht respectively, may not be the cheapest in town but the trencherman portions more than make up the difference. The cauliflower and cheese sauce is delicious too. Greg himself has thought long and hard about his product and has captured the market, not for backpackers, but for tourists and residents who want an authentic touch of home at a fair price. Favored by GEOC (Grapevine Eating Out Collective) for Sunday lunch.

Check it out

Our only source for these is an e-mail. A male reader claims he went to Foodland, collected a few items and proceeded to the checkout. Next in line, he picked up one of those wooden ‘dividers’ by the cash register to separate his goods on the belt from those of the lady in front to ensure they wouldn’t get mixed up. After the assistant had scanned all of the guy’s items, she picked up the ‘divider’ and looked all over it for the bar code to scan. Failing to find it, she asked “Do you know how much this costs?” Again? Later that day, the same guy went to McDonald’s and saw on the menu he could order 6 or 9 or 12 chicken McNuggets. “I’ll take half a dozen nuggets,” announced our friend hopefully. “Sorry, sir,” bounced back the reply, “you gotta order 6, 9 or 12.”

Only in America

Only in the States:

Can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Do they leave expensive cars in the driveway and put useless junk in the garage.

Do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a diet coke.

Do drugstores make the sick walk to the back of the store to get prescriptions whilst cigarettes are on sale at the front.

Do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille.

Have they handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

Do they leave both bank doors open and then chain the pens to the counter.

Tailpiece

Overheard in a Soi Eight bar. “Where’s the girl who doesn’t believe in sex before marriage tonight?” “Sorry, sir, she’s been off-ed.”

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Animal Crackers: Foster Mum

by Mirin MacCarthy

The concept of “fostering” has long been used in the human kingdom. Orphans can be fostered out to kind homes, where good hearted people raise the little children until they can be adopted by people ready to make that lifetime commitment. Fostering implies a limited time and not total involvement, but just by the act of fostering, the infants can grow up feeling secure and loved - a most important facet in their later development.

Rarely one hears of fostering across the species, but the mythological tale of Romulus and Remus, the human twins who were raised by a wolf, has probably got a factual basis somewhere. Even if not, it’s a lovely yarn!

In the bird kingdom, fostering is well known, with the cuckoo being a prime example of enforced fostering. Cuckoos parents are not the most child and family conscious birds, with mother cuckoo laying her eggs in other birds nests, for the foster mother to sit on and hatch, while Mrs Cuckoo goes back to dancing at the bars or warbling at the nightclubs. Unfortunately for the foster mother, young cuckoos are generally much bigger than the foster mother’s babies and the smaller ones get pushed out of the nest by the demanding offspring of the cuckoo. This is not quite fostering with good intent.

However, there can be good fostering in the bird kingdom. In my aviary outside I have five quail, raised from having been bought on a maternal whim when I saw them in the pet shop at one week old. They prospered and grew, snuggling up to an old teddy bear at night as their protective “mother”. As soon as they were independent, they were discharged off into the aviary, running around the floor and enjoying themselves in their new found freedom.

But the tail does not end there. I also have two doves that appear to be the most dopey type of bird that the world has ever seen. Rescued from the aviary, because none of the other birds liked them, they live in their own cage in the laundry. One dove regularly lays eggs and spends weeks sitting on them - all to no avail, as the other dove is most probably another female. Mrs. Grey Dove has really been getting depressed at all this I am sure.

At this point, enters my maid Suchida. The quail have been laying eggs in the aviary, but these have attracted a snake which comes and eats the eggs. Suchida has been scooping these up, but found that some of the speckled quail eggs were fertile - there’s a boy in those five quail! Answer! Put the fertile quail eggs under the bottom of the pining childless dove!

Suchida’s “animal husbandry” has worked a treat. Mrs Grey Dove now has small brown hopping babies that nestle under her maternal wings at night. When the baby quail are older, I will have to tell them of their true origins, which could be traumatic, and then put them outside to run around the aviary with the other quail, two of which are their mother and father.

Fostering is alive and well, in my bird kingdom, thanks to some fertile quail, a childless dove and an enterprising maid.

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Social Commentary by Khai Khem

So Long, Old Friend

Quitting a habit, any habit, can be like ending a long relationship. It’s a sad affair, even if everything in your head and heart begs you to slam the door and nail it shut! However necessary, however overdue, the loss of such a friendship is deep and hard, not just on you but sometimes on everything one else around you.

One of my close friends just gave up coffee recently, and we just don’t know what to do with her yet. Presumably the rest of us will get used to the idea in the same way we accommodate those who have given up cigarettes, cigars, meat, and alcohol, and the never ending list of individuals who are at one time or another on slimming diets. But somehow, I thought coffee was one of those little addictions which was still socially acceptable, and a luxury we could yet afford.

A few weeks ago our friend proclaimed that coffee was making her nauseous and she couldn’t face one more cup without embarrassing herself all over the table at our crowd’s favourite luncheon restaurant. What? Just as it was becoming the most fashionable beverage on the globe? What would life be without coffee? I would have forgiven her if she’d been ‘preggars’ and this little glitch in our social get-togethers would solve itself in 9 months. But this woman is way beyond her child-bearing years, thus her goodbye to an old friend could be final.

Like the English penchant for a ‘cuppa’ (meaning tea), coffee is an accompaniment for so many of life’s events. Since those first rancid cups drained in college dining halls, for me, coffee has been a part of some of the most wonderful moments I can remember.

Coffee and conversation, coffee and love, coffee and reading, coffee and desert, coffee before dashing to work, the coffee break at the office; in many societies, coffee is a companion. In some of the most beautiful cities in the world, the cafe invites us to sit and contemplate, search for inspiration, rest our weary feet, or gather with our friends to chat and gossip. And now we are reminded that too much coffee isn’t good for us.

My friend is right. An overload of coffee makes the heart palpitate, and too many cups of that friendly beverage could make her downright irritable on occasion. Her decision to stop for good was a triumph of willpower, and evidence of her astonishing discipline and devotion to a healthy diet. She has found a resolve which seems to brighten her day. Unfortunately, the rest of us are sulking in a state of belligerence. What gives her the right to make all the rest of us caffeine junkies look bad? The very thing which makes her feel good makes her coffee-crazy comrades feel worse! As she prepares her boiling water in the kettle and substitutes leaves for grounds, we are betting that she will eventually realise that the most expensive green tea on the planet is no substitute for the comfort of a cheap French roast. Tea’s antitoxins won’t comfort her heart (although they may allow her heart to last longer). We sniff, and say that the turning over of this ‘new leaf’ won’t last long.

Of course the group pessimism expressed toward our friend’s new resolve is part of human nature. Like other friends who have renounced smoking, booze, lost 20 pounds, participate in running marathons, have found evangelical religion or vegetarianism, we see their self-improvement efforts as a mirror to our own failure (even if we think those folks are nuts). In countless ways, we all view other people’s lives as reprimands. They way they choose to live, dress, their taste in movies, books, lovers, are not simply indications of their preferences, but sometimes a slap in the face in reference to our own. An acquaintance changes jobs, for instance. Not only has he or she changed, but you are reminded that you, slug, have not!

We still invite our tea-drinking friend to join us when we get together. She’ll be back on the old black juice soon enough. We know that the left over baggage from that old relationship still lingers on, beckoning her home.

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Women’s World: Julia Roberts

by Lesley Warner

There were moments when I questioned the meaning of life. What is the point of a fantastic job or an exciting life when there is no one there to share it with?

I’ve spent some time writing about Hollywood screen sirens from the past so I thought I should look at some of our more recent stars. One of my personal favourites is Julia Roberts; I loved her in Pretty Woman as most of us romantics did.

Julia Roberts

Julia Roberts was born in Smyrna, Georgia, USA on October 28th, 1967, to Walter and Betty Roberts. Her dad worked as a vacuum cleaner salesman and her mum was a church secretary. However, both her parents apparently enjoyed acting. They got a divorce when she was four, but she maintained a strong bond with both. Her father died of cancer when she was nine, and the loss had a lasting effect on her.

Julia at a young age decided she wanted to be a veterinarian, but ended up pursuing an education in journalism. She didn’t stick with it for long, though. Feeling restless, she moved in with her sister Lisa, who was living in New York so that she could try and get into acting. Her brother, Eric Roberts, had already attained a certain level of success in Hollywood, and Julia was determined to find similar success.

Eric got her, her first break, when he talked the director into letting Julia appear in Blood Red in 1986. Her real break, however, came in 1988 when she appeared in two brat-pack movies, Mystic Pizza and Satisfaction.

The following year she appeared in Steel Magnolias and achieved her first adult success. Julia more than held her own opposite a cast of veteran actresses, including Sally Field and Shirley MacLaine. Pretty Woman soon followed, and the hooker with a heart of gold who tames the corporate beast of Richard Gere assured her continued fame.

Her attempts to break away from her romantic comedy mold with films like Mary Reilly, were a disaster at the box office and for a while many critics were writing her off as a has-been.

Julia dropped out of the lime light for a while and made a come-back with 1997’s My Best Friend’s Wedding. Since then her career has been on the fast track. She is now perhaps the most bankable star in Hollywood, with films like Erin Brockovich breaking the hundred million dollar mark.

Julia is said to be a passionate knitter, and passes the time making jumpers between takes. She recently bought a large fifty acre ranch in New Mexico, which she uses when she needs a change of pace. She has also followed Audrey Hepburn in becoming involved with UNICEF charities and has made visits to many different countries, including Haiti and India, in order to promote goodwill.

Julia now owns her own production company, Shoelace Productions, which she runs out of New York City (she also owns a residence in Los Angeles). Industry experts have approximated that the actress has grossed over 1.6 billion worldwide in her career. Obviously an asset to any film, she is one of the most sought after talents in Hollywood.

Awards

1989 Golden Globe Best Supporting Actress Steel Magnolias
1989 Academy Awards Best Supporting Actress Steel Magnolias
1990 Golden Globe Best Actress in a Motion Picture Pretty Woman
1991 NATO/ShoWest Female Star of the Year N/A
1997 Harvard Pudding Hasty Award N/A

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Shaman’s Rattle: Mary Celeste - the ship of misfortune

by Marion

Has there ever been a ship which has gone through as much misfortune, misadventure and miscarriage of the truth than the brig called the Mary Celeste? This small, 30 metre boat has had scientific papers written about her, web sites dedicated to her, starred in a book, even though the name was mis-spelled as “Marie” Celeste, and even linked to extra terrestrial beings. Not even the Titanic legends go that far!

Mary Celeste was built in 1860 in Nova Scotia, Canada, and was christened the Amazon. From the start, this was not a lucky ship. Her first captain passed away within 48 hours of her original dedication and on her maiden voyage the ship damaged her hull after hitting a fishing weir. Although she later survived a fire and a collision in the Straits of Dover, her fourth captain accidentally grounded her on Cape Breton (which coincidentally was the name of the freighter grounded off Pattaya a few weeks ago - Pattaya Mail Vol IX, No. 24). Eventually, the Amazon was purchased for $3,000 at a New York salvage auction. After extensive repairs she was put under American registry and renamed the Mary Celeste.

The new captain and part owner of Mary Celeste was Captain Benjamin Spooner Briggs, aged 37, a well experienced master. In November 1872 the ship departed from New York with Captain Briggs, his wife, young daughter and a crew of seven. The ship was carrying 1700 barrels of raw alcohol bound for Genoa, in Italy. Just prior to leaving, old friends Captain Briggs and Captain Morehouse, the captain of the English cargo ship Dei Gratia moored at a neighbouring pier on New York’s East River, had a pleasant dinner before the Mary Celeste set sail. And it is at this point that the mystery begins.

On December 5th the Dei Gratia crew spotted a two-masted brig sailing rather erratically in an area of the North Atlantic between the Azores and the coast of Portugal. Morehouse was more than alarmed to discover that the mystery ship was none other than his friend’s Mary Celeste.

Captain Morehouse ordered a boarding party and it is at this point that the wildly differing stories about the Mary Celeste begin to emerge. One story is that the ship was in fine order, food still cooking on the stove, half drunk cups of coffee and even a phial of oil balanced on the sewing machine. Some reports claim that the hatches to the cargo were broken open and the casks of alcohol broached. Yet others say the sails were torn and there were signs of hurried evacuation. A bloody sword even gets a mention in another tale. However, one fact remained the same - there was no sign of Captain Briggs, his wife and child or any of the crew. The other agreed upon fact was that the last entry in the ship’s log was November 25th, more than a week previous.

So how did all these tales eventuate? Well, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle in 1884 was the one who began the speculation theories with his story on the boat, titled “J. Habakuk Jephson’s Statement.” His conclusion was that the boat had been involved in a racial war and was taken over by black-power activists. This was about as accurate as his spelling - having called the ship the “Marie” Celeste, instead of its correct “Mary”. The redoubtable knight was also paid thirty pounds for his tale, a goodly sum in those days, so it comes as no surprise that there could have been some embellishment!

But Sir Arthur’s explanation was nothing compared to some of the others. Alien visitation being put forward to explain the sudden departure from an otherwise sound ship, to being magnetically dragged into the Bermuda triangle, or even a drunken mutiny by the crew being but a few.

So before we too become carried away by flights of fancy, let us look at some actual “hard” evidence. There exists the statements from Captain Morehouse and his sailors, plus the records from the Court of Enquiry that was held in British Gibraltar, after the Mary Celeste was brought into port there by a skeleton crew from the accompanying Captain Morehouse’s Dei Gratia.

Oliver Deveau, the Chief Mate of the Dei Gratia, was in charge of the boarding party. He found one pump out of order, and only used the other on his way to Gibraltar. He found the fore hatch off and also the lazarett hatch off with a great deal of water between decks. The clock and compass were spoilt and destroyed respectively. The Court record states that he found no beer or spirits in the ship, and the cargo had not shifted. There were also no steaming mugs of tea, ships cats, everything in supposed pristine condition. Certainly there were no half eaten breakfasts, and no phial of oil balanced on the sewing machine.

There is much speculation in the fictional accounts about a bloodstained sword; however, in the court record the Mate Oliver Deveau states he did not see any blood anywhere. The court record actually says that the sword had been cleaned with lemon, and the result was iron citrate, not dried blood. Another wonderful story blown away.

The truth of the matter is a simple storm and the damaged pump. Fearful for their lives the Captain and crew abandoned ship, to be lost themselves to the perils of the sea in a small dinghy. There was no real “mystery”.

Mary Celeste has not been the only vessel found abandoned. In April 1849 the Dutch Schooner Hermania was found dis-masted but otherwise sound, with the Captain, his wife, child and crew missing, and in February 1855 the Marathon was another vessel found abandoned but in perfect order. However, they were not the centre-point of a Sir Arthur Conan Doyle yarn, were they!

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The Message In The Moon: Sun in Taurus/Moon in Gemini - The Busybody

by Anchalee Kaewmanee

At the first sign of a problem or dilemma, this combination is always on the scene with the most efficient solution, and never deserts a friend in need. The Taurus personality is practical, industrious, and worldly, while the Gemini inner nature is analytical, versatile and quick-witted. Highly perceptive and observant, very little ever slips past those who are born into this Sun/Moon sign. Since they are natural detectives, they always spot superficiality and deceit. An inner restlessness spurs them on to explore and investigate the world around them, and a jest for life keeps them forever fascinated by novelty and exotica. Finding something (be it a lover, a profession, or a lifestyle) that holds a special interest and satisfies that inexhaustible supply of curiosity can be difficult. Whenever boredom sets in, and it usually does rather quickly, the Taurus-Gemini is ready to run off or to something new, often abandoning or undermining current goals. This can often throw their close associates into a state of confusion if they are of signs which are less mercurial and more rigid.

Both signs of this duo are Spring signs, so people born into this combination rarely lose their fresh and youthful appearance. Likewise, they may often behave childishly. There is as tendency to repeat the same mistakes or patterns of behaviour. A concentrated effort should be made to stop and re-examine some past actions, and determine where the fault occurred. Self-examination and reflection does not come naturally here, but should be cultivated. It is better to profit from experience rather than to allow oneself to be controlled by the whim of the moment. Unlike most Taureans, the Moon sign in Gemini will not co-operate to hold emotions inside. Bottling up feelings until the cork blows from the bottle is just not Gemini’s style. Gemini is expressive, and communications with others is one of the primary needs. Staying socially active is vital in order to share feelings and ideas with others. A drawback may be that people of this sign can be too aware of the world around them and may develop attitudes which are critical or become rather meddlesome. Best not to stir up trouble or find too much fault. Searching for perfection in one’s self or others is dangerous; if things don’t measure up under such intense scrutiny, disenchantment may set in. Nobody likes a critical bore.

The Sun in Taurus and the Moon in Gemini produces people with many fine attributes, and they are capable of realistically applying new and innovative ideas in almost any field. An inherent flair for analysis and detection may attract them to psychology. Sigmund Freud was a Taurus-Gemini. Writing, research, and technical careers are also good possibilities. The main problem will be one of focusing on a single fields of endeavour, since so many areas will undoubtedly be open to this group. It is wise to examine all the options and then make a commitment to one area of expertise and master it. A ‘jack of all trades, master of none’ can find himself dissipating all those talents which could have been put to great use.

In relationships, this combination tends to be slightly aggressive and somewhat temperamental. As with all Moon in Gemini natives, rapid mood changes are prevalent; elated one moment, and dejected the next. This is hard for a partner to understand. A need for constant variety in love can be a major problem here, although the Sun in Taurus can ease the fickleness which is so characteristic of the Gemini lover. This Sun/Moon combo will have a lot of love affairs.

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The computer doctor

by Richard Brunch

From Bangsaen Bob: I have a locally assembled computer that I simply cannot get fixed. It was purchased with a one year on site warrantee which was not honored by the person that sold it to me. It continues to crash (lock up) for no apparent reason. It has an Intel 300 MHz Pentium II main processor with 64meg of Ram and about 7 gigabyte of free disk space.

One shop told me that I needed a new hard drive so I bought one. It worked in the shop, but would not boot up at home. After I stewed a while, I took it to another shop. This time they told me the problem was caused by the video card, so I replaced it. Alas it still locks up time after time. The local computer genius at my company told me I needed to replace the motherboard. But, he did this for my computer at work, which also locks up about 5-8 times a day, and it did not make any difference. Any suggestions?

Computer Doctor replies: Plenty! Unfortunately you haven’t really given me enough information to go on; nonetheless I will make a few assumptions and recommendations. I imagine the computer is 3 years old or more and as such will have a Slot 1 processor. Should the motherboard prove to be faulty finding a new Slot 1 motherboard is no easy task and you will be buying into obsolete architecture which really is not cost effective. Processors and motherboards now use FCPGA architecture and support modern ATA100 hard disks. I am assuming your operating system is possibly Windows 98, maybe ME; with either, 64Mb is inadequate in the real world, 128Mb is a realistic minimum, and this also depends on the applications you are running. Your disk size and free space are I think adequate. Video cards, and I do not know whether this is PCI or AGP but in any event these can cause the computer to hang. You may have replaced one problem card with another. The fact that your home computer and office computer both have the same problem is a little suspicious although this could be coincidence. Are both computer similarly hardware and software specified? Do both computers hang at the same spot, for instance saving a Word document? Are you running any applications that are not mainstream? Some shareware and freeware applications are notorious for creating problems. Some power management issues could also be affecting the system. It really is difficult to be more specific and realistically I would need to see the beast to give best advice. The problems you are experiencing could equally be caused by faulty hardware or software. If you wish to discuss please contact me directly.

From Harry Millar, Jomtien: I know there are many free e-mail services about like Hotmail and Yahoo but these are all web based, do you know of any that are POP3 based? Thanks in anticipation.

Computer Doctor replies: The one I can recommend is at www.tfz.net There is an easy sign up process and once signed up you can collect your POP3 mail using your normal e-mail client like Outlook or Outlook Express. You will, however, need to use your ISP’s SMTP server for your outgoing mail.

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A Slice of Thai History: Observations

by Duncan Stearn

An old Thai chronicle observed that foreigners were very tall, hairy and evil smelling but the females were quite beautiful, despite the fact they were large and round. The chronicle concluded with the matter-of-fact statement, “they do not grow rice.” Not much has changed in the couple of centuries since that observation was penned.

However, it’s also interesting to look at the way some writers have viewed the Thailand looking glass.

1940: An element of racial superiority is evident in this comment by Frank Clune from his 1940 publication ‘To the Isles of Spice’. Referring to the clean kampongs of Java, he wrote that they were, “revelations in cleanliness after the untidy, dirty, dog-ridden, flea-strewn, mud-hut villages I saw last year in China and Siam [Thailand] - especially the latter country. The influence of European overlordship has been beneficial to the hygiene of the Javanese...” Somehow, I doubt that their Dutch overlords were particularly concerned with the ablutions and general cleanliness of their Javanese subjects. He clearly felt that Thailand could have done with a spot of European ‘overlordship’.

1959: “‘When you’ve been here as long as I have,’ said the young man who met us, ‘you’ll find it much like any other city. Except for the traffic. The traffic is worse than anywhere I’ve ever been. Buses come at you like juggernauts. Samlors dodge under your wheels. Taxis are liable to make sudden right-hand turns across your track and...well, there is too much traffic for the width of the roads and everybody interprets the traffic laws as he or she sees fit. The policemen, except one or two good ones, just smile cheerfully and wave everybody on. You’ve never seen such chaos. Fortunately, nobody can travel fast enough to kill themselves or anybody else. But in the suburbs and the country...’”

That excerpt was from a book titled ‘Land of the Lotus Eaters’ by Norman Bartlett and first published in 1959 and, need I say it, describes traffic in Bangkok at the time.

1970: ‘In Bangkok, many travellers keep alive by selling little white pills (probably aspirins) in a routine as bizarre as it is cynical. Thai employer introduces traveller to an unsuspecting, trusting village audience, as, say, Dr Schweitzer from Harley Street. Traveller recites Shakespeare or dirty limericks to the crowd, while enthusiastically waving a little bottle of white tablets. Thai accomplice ‘translates’ this into an exciting sales blurb. The tablets sell swiftly, and traveller reaps a fat commission. Variations on this theme can be played to native communities throughout India and the Far East. When it comes to exploiting innocent primitives, hippie nomads can be as ruthless as governments.’

That excerpt was from the book ‘Play Power’, a travelogue written by Australian enfant terrible Richard Neville.

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Guide to buying a large dog: Rhodesian Ridgeback

by C. Schloemer

Good points: affectionate, obedient, good with children, superior intelligence, sense of fun

Take heed: good guard, tendency to “over-guard”, deserves a large garden

The Rhodesian Ridgeback is a handsome, muscular, medium-sized dog of the hound group, with a short tan-coloured coat, pendulous ears, and a long, un-cropped tail. The breed is named after the line of hair, shaped like the blade of a broadsword, which grows in the reverse direction along the back, with two crowns at the shoulder, and the point towards the tail. This ridge is very distinctive marking. Although the ridge may appear to be a superficiality, created for the show ring or as a conversational point, in fact it is far from recent, and has come down through the centuries by the way of the African Hottentot Hunting Dog.

The Rhodesian Ridgeback is of a quiet temperament and rarely barks; it enjoys spending hours curled up lazily in the corner of a room, stretched out in the summer sun, or will be quite content resting at its master’s feet. Although its exploits as a hunter of African game first brought it recognition, the breed was developed as a dual purpose dog: as a hunter and a gentle guardian of the families of the early white settlers. More and more people are discovering the tranquil nature of this breed. It has a most affectionate disposition and desire for human companionship. And if you worry about your valuables, he is just the dog to guard them!

Size: The desirable weight is: dog 36.3 kg, bitch 31.75 kg, with a permissible variation of 2.3 kg above and below these weights. A mature Ridgeback should be a height of 63.5-68.5 for dogs, and bitches should reach 61-66 cm.

Exercise: This large, sleepy and apparently slow-moving animal, with its characteristic love of lazing, contrasts sharply with its action when alerted. In a flash, it can turn into a blurred streak of rhythmic motion, and is a pleasure to watch when it overtakes a rabbit or a squirrel in full flight. This is a pet which deserves a large garden to run in, and a master who will give it a good walk everyday.

Grooming: Daily grooming with a hound glove, coupled with good nutrition and lots of exercise, will keep the Ridgeback’s coat healthy and gleaming.

Origin and history: Long before Europeans settled in South Africa, the members of the Hottentot tribe had the Rhodesian Ridgeback as a companion who accompanied them on hunting expeditions. This animal has since been called the Hottentot Hunting Dog. It had a distinctive characteristic of which was the ridge of hair growing in the reverse along its back. During the 16th and 17th centuries, Dutch, Boers, Germans, and Huguenots migrated to South Africa, and these people brought with them their own European hunting dogs.

It is probably by chance the settler’s dogs were crossed with the tough Hottentot Hunting Dogs and the superior quality and vigour of the offspring were quickly recognised. The presence of the ridge identified the most desirable dogs. This blending over 200 years of the best qualities of many European breeds with those of the Hottentot Hunting Dog formed the immediate ancestor of today’s Ridgeback, which has many of the characteristics usually associated with other hounds.

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Antiques, are they genuine? : The Analytical Method

by Apichart Panyadee

Silver tray with forged hallmarks and discrepancies of style and date

The oblong tea tray in the photo illustrates the kind of deceit which was practised in the 1980’s. It appears to be mid-18th century; the hallmark is for London 1745 with the makers mark SW. On the face of it, this is a magnificent George II 20 inch tea tray. The experienced eye, however, is uneasy. Examining the tray in all of its aspects, the following points can be noted:

1. Gadroon borders are rarely, if ever, combined with chased decoration.

2. The band of flat chased decoration is too dense and tightly packed to be contemporary with the mark.

3. There are no co-ordinating stylistic factors between the dolphin feet, (not visible) the border, the band of chasing, and the armorial.

4. Armorials were not generally enclosed in drapery cartoushes in 1745.

5. The quality of engraving is poor for the purported date.

6. Hallmarks are more commonly found on the underside of the trays, where as in this case they have been struck among the decoration to disguise discrepancies.

7. The hallmarks are in an unnaturally straight line.

8. The maker’s mark is that of Samuel Wood, a caster and cruet frame maker who rarely employed chased decoration.

9. The shape of the shields around the three hallmarks varies and there are minute discrepancies in size.


Shape of shields around hallmarks varies and there are discrepancies in size

Research in sale categories showed that this same tray had been previously sold with a different maker’s mark and the authentic date 1875. But had the substitution of marks not been noticed and if the tray had been sold as George II, rather than late Victorian, it could have brought as much as four times its proper price. The questions to ask, after forming an initial impression on style are these: do the hallmarks agree with your initial impression of date? Are all the marks there? Are they distorted in any way, or in an unusual position? Are there any subsidiary pieces lacking the correct marks? Are there any signs of wear, such as patches or rough soldering where separately made pieces have been attached?

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Down the iron road: The Era of Doctor Breeching

by John D. Blyth, P.O. Box 97, Pattaya City 20260

Some Background

The railways of Britain, starting in a very small way with some coal-hauling lines in North-East England, suddenly gained an impetus in the 1840s, when financiers, not all of good repute, suddenly saw railways as a sure way to make money; thus came the ‘Railway Mania’ of that decade, with the famous George Hudson at the back of many of them. Many lines of the era were a great success, the Great Western with its broad gauge being one, and the London & Birmingham another, with the Stephenson’s reply involved. When the 20th century dawned, the rail map of Britain looked much as in my childhood, but there were still over 100 companies, and some amalgamations were taking place.

Pre-Breeching: one of the earliest diesels - hydraulic locomotives on trial at Newton Abbot, Devon, in May 1958.

Came the 1914 war, and the government took control of the railway network, and saw its complexity, and afterwards the politicians stepped in to make order out of chaos. Full nationalization was looked at and shied away from, and the main system and many quite small ones were ‘grouped’ into the four big companies, best known, even now, by their initials: ‘L.M.S’, ‘L.N.E.R.’, ‘G.W.R’, and ‘S.R.’ In general they did a good job, and provided a good service, but not all of them found it easy or even possible, to make a profit. Government loans were quite common - some may not have been repaid, even today.

In 1939 another war started, and government control was again the order, but although the railways were just as vital, there was less money to keep them going, and their condition at the end was perilous; the government of the day kept control; fate was decide that this should continue as in 1945 a Layout (Socialist) Government was elected, committed to State control of all main industries, the railways included. Thus was formed British Railways, just 16 days old when they gave me a job at a small country junction station not far from home, called Ash Church, which will crop up again next week. Fate was to decree that most of my career should be spent in the London area on lines of the former ‘G.W.R’ (Great Western).

Doctor Richard Breeching (later Lord Breeching)

By the late 1950s the financial position of British Railways was very serious indeed, for State control does not mean oodles of money! - Indeed, ‘cut, cut, cut’ was the order of the day. The less so as there had been another change of Party in power, with a Transport Minister with no love of railways (as was Ernest Maples, a leading light in a firm involved in the building of the new ‘Motorways’; the latest toy for the car-loving public). It was he who made the decision to bring in outsiders to sort out the railway problem, so entered Doctor Richard Breeching, top man at the even bigger Imperial Chemical Industries, to run our railways for us. There was some comment at his salary, which, paid by a destitute railway, was the same as I.C.I. had paid him. It was a lot of money, how could he be worth it? Staff at ‘ground level’ noticed little or nothing - until the closure notice went up for their own station; at my own (middle management) level we were a bit worried: an outsider, no railway experience; what could he possible do for us? The idea of ‘railway experience’ is not, sadly, ‘old hat’, and in the modern world it is thought that any fool can run a railway. To me, the background goes far to making the man.

One very close to Breeching in his railway career has commented that at the time there was simply no one within the railway to do this job. I disagree. That very man had the ability, but sadly not the seniority. I knew one more who could also have done it well. Both had railways in the blood - Breeching did not!

When the new master arrived many of us were trying to get to grips with the fruits of the 1955 Modernization Plan, whereby a lot of money was sunk into bringing the system up-to-date - ridding ourselves of steam traction, modernising stations and signalling, building new marshalling yards, etc. Electric traction on all main lines was an early objective, soon sunk by the cost of the ‘interim’ diesels, and that pre-historic monster, the unbaked freight train (maximum speed 25 mph!), was to stay with us for a long time. One region was chosen to try out diesels with hydraulic transmissions instead of the more common electric system - the Germans seemed to have done well with the former, but it was long before it all came out that they only used a locomotive for 16 hours daily, whilst we wanted 22. In 1968 steam traction finished, and about the same time we went for fully-braked trains throughout, unerringly going for the old and feeble vacuum system, rather than the higher-pressure air-brake, far superior for high speed trains and really heavy freights.

But what was Breeching up to his first few months with us? We were too busy to ask, and his absence of railway ‘feeling’ was obvious from the fact that he was simply not seen - no visits, no inspections - NIL. He was writing the ‘Breeching Plan’! Which quickly had the approval of the Minister and the Government. It was a real shocker, the accompanying map looking more like a skeleton than modernized railway. The appendix set out, in many pages, the lines, station, etc., that it was intended to close - not just modest branch lines, but many stations thought to be important on the main lines; alternative routes were also suspect, that for closure not always being the best choice. Eventually there would be no railway in Cornwall, west of Swansea, nor along the North Wales Coast to Holy Head between Newcastle and Edinburgh, and not much of consequence north of Edinburgh or Glasgow.

Small wonder he was accused by the press of having an axe in his kitbag, with which to tear down the buildings, up-root the track - and behead the staff. My own early experience was as a relief station master in the Gloucester Division; it is absorbing to realize that of the 26 stations I recall working at, there is just one remaining open for traffic; this, almost at my back door when my home was there, was the original 1840 built at Cheltenham.

More next week - watch this space!

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