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Dear Hillary,
I do not know why, but I always end up doing things other people want me to do. Many times I do have my own plans, like how to spend my day off or where to go in the evening, but it seams that always something is coming in between. Friends will ask me to help them to do whatever, my boss will ask me to work overtime, or, even if he knows that I have already been invited somewhere else, will ask me to go to a function in his name. Many times I have tried to convince them that I do have my own plans, but they always seem to talk me into doing whatever will fit into their plans.
I do not like to act impolite or rude and therefore I give in quite easily, even though I am angry with myself afterwards. What do you think I should do so that all my so called friends will stop trampling over my body all the time?
Feeling used.
Dear used,
Are you really being “used” or is there also some eagerness of doing things for other people involved, maybe only to give you the feeling of importance? You have to find this out for yourself first.
If you come to the solution that you are definitely being used, try to overcome your shyness. Yes, its shyness that makes people do things they do not want to do. Its also fear that their friends will think that they are not helpful enough and therefore they will lose their friendship.
Try to learn to say “no” more often. If you have already an appointment, refuse to do something else - for other people. Be friendly but firm and strict about it. And - very important - don’t try to make excuses! You will find out that after you said a clear “no” for the first or second time, it is much easier than you first believed. If your friends are friends, trust me, they will accept it. They might even respect you more.
Dear Hillary,
A few weeks ago, my wife lost her golden bracelet in one of the big supermarkets in Pattaya. The lock on the quite expansive bracelet was loose and it just fell off her wrist. One of the cashiers saw it and at the same time noticed that one of the cleaners picked it up. This very honest cashier went straight to my wife to ask if she’d realised that incident. My wife tried to find the cleaner, together with the cashier, but it seamed that the cleaner took a break right after finding the bracelet.
After the cleaning lady came back, both women asked her where the bracelet was. Of course, it couldn’t be found anymore. My wife even went so far as to go to the local police station, accompanied by both girls and by me. The cashier was interrogated for about a 1/2 hour, and she repeated her story several times. The cleaner was also interrogated by the same police officer, but only for about three minutes. After that, he asked me what to do about it? I told him to go to that girl’s house and investigate there instead of sitting on his desk. But he refused and told me that he cannot do anything to help me and my wife to find the bracelet.
I’d like to ask you if this is the normal way of police officers investigating a reported crime? Could you also tell me if there is a legal way to press charges against the cleaner?
Searching for right.
Dear searching,
Your story, as sad as it is, is quite common around here. I have heard many people complain about the behaviour of police officers. Many of them told me that they felt like the criminals, sitting in the police station while the real criminal was treated in a very well mannered and friendly way. Many of them had the feeling that the police always trusted and believed the criminal elements more than those people who were there to press charges.
Getting no help from the local police, it would be useless trying to press charges against the cleaner. Most likely the bracelet is long gone, probably already sold to a pawn shop somewhere in town. Without the evidence, the crime would be very hard to prove.
Try to forget the whole story and, if you can, buy your wife another bracelet with a better lock.