Stupid surprise
An Expat, with his Thai girlfriend, visiting Penang on his
visa run was shocked when the girl said she didn’t understand after a downpour
of rain, why there were no holes in the road. ‘Its only natural that roads flood
and disintegrate after the storm, it always happens in Pattaya’ the puzzled girl
explained.
Season of goodwill
Mercure Hotel Pattaya is collecting gifts for the Pattaya
school for the blind, readers who wish to donate gifts for the kids can take
parcels to the hotel. Not forgetting these kids are blind, musical presents,
soft toys and candies would be appreciated. Cash donations will be used to buy
walkman’s.
Drink ban
During last weekends drinking ban the police arrested about
forty bar owners for serving alcohol, many bars were not touched, wonder why?
One Thai bar owner told Winebibber, ‘I don’t understand why they picked on me, I
was told I could serve to Farangs as they could not vote, but the police said it
was illegal for a Thai to serve, they fined me 400 baht’. Another said ‘My
country is crazy. I am married to a Farang, all my legal rights to buy land,
etc., are taken away from me, but they tell me I must vote, and I was fined for
serving a beer at the bar.’
Versatile girl
A bar girl in the increasingly popular Soi 8 decided to make
a play for a Farang. ‘Take me because I do everything’ crooned the lady. The
balding English tourist, fortified by a few beers and bowls of peanuts, took the
plunge and they retired to his nearby hotel room. The expected earthquake,
however, was most disappointing and would hardly register one point on the
Richter scale. ‘You told me you do everything,’ complained the perverted Brit.
‘That’s right’ replied the girl, ‘I wash clothes, cut hair, and can even clean
your ear’s.’
University of Pattaya
The latest on the education front is the Imperial College,
London, which is set to open a new university near Rayong with the first
International students intake in 1998. With money no object, this looks like
being the Big one. Ah, well, more damn traffic jams on the way to the decent
golf courses.
Hotel scam
An overnight tourist wanted to leave $500 in single bills in
a safe of a cheap hotel. The receptionist, beaming as usual, went through the
ritual of placing the money in a beautiful green envelope marked ‘Private for
VIP guests’. The tourist made a last check before the envelope was stuck down,
the flap being especially well secured with first class cellotape. Next morning,
he collected the envelope, and opening it in a taxi he discovered that $200 was
missing. Someone had steamed open the bottom end of the envelope.
Railway blues
An expat recently braved the horrors of Sukhumvit highway, by
motorbike taxi, to book an advance train ticket at Pattaya railway station. No
luck. The clerk announced that the computer link closes at 4 p.m. and to come
back ‘tomollow’. So if you really must take a train, think again, and get there
mornings, except noodle lunch break, or early afternoons.
Insurance Ahoy
Odd how the vast majority of car rental joints, usually on
Beach Rd or Second Rd, taking up valuable parking spaces, insist on doing next
to no business. For some reason the cream of the crop are the two or three who
actually offer proper insurance. The amateurs should take a leaf out of Chiang
Mai’s book where insurance is commonplace and prominently advertised.
Forget the umbrella
The rainy season is finally over. The source for this
revelation is the 1996 brochure of the international travel company Thai
Sunshine, based at a Box No. in the bit of Scotland that nobody can get to,
which clearly states, ‘Rain stops in Thailand on December 1 and starts again on
May 1’. Well you could not have it clearer than that. The company also offers a
‘Charming escort service from Bangkok airport. Or a charming fruit which can
await you at your beach-side villa’.
