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Dear Hillary,
With so many of your letter writers being out of Thailand for a while each month, the question they have is always one of fidelity. Can a Thai woman be trusted? My advice is simple. If you have the doubts that you obviously have, then trust is gone and so is the relationship. I have little doubt that she is fooling around when you are not there, private investigator is the best way if you really want to know. If it were me I would be out of there already.
Chris

Dear Chris,
That’s all a bit negative advice, Petal. Though I agree that if the evidence seems to be pointing all in the one direction, then perhaps a PI for a short time (oops!) is a good idea. If nothing else it will confirm your fears, or show that it really was a som tum hens’ party. You can expect to pay quite heavily, by the way. One way or another, this relationship is going to cost you money.

Dear Hillary,
A couple of weeks ago, a writer, James, did make one very good point on relationships, saying, “The right person for you.” If as he says, “they are all the same” to him he need look no further than the lowest common denominator that suits his definition of a love relationship. Then he can write his tortured novel for the education of all us old fogies who don’t know as much about adult relationships as he does. I see a lot of attitude here. The attitude is not infatuation as much as “it is all about me.” If you care about someone James it is not just “good party times” it is about truly being a helpmate for that person’s future and yourself being a part of it.
Robert

Dear Robert,
Thank you for the very sound advice for James. “Love” relationships are certainly difficult at the best of times, but there are more traps for the young and unwary in Thailand, than many other places. Like you I will wait for the tortured novel, but I don’t know that I like being called an “old fogie”.

Dear Hillary,
I read somewhere that all Thai girls want is to get their hands in your pockets, and once they have cleaned you out, that’s it. No money, No Honey as the T shirt says. Is this really true? I have met a few nice girls every time I’ve come over, and although I pay for everything when we’re out together, I think that’s natural. I pay for everything back home when I take out a woman, so what’s the difference?
Chuck

Dear Confused Chuck,
The difference is you get more fun out of the relationship here, my Petal, or that’s what I get told by my gentlemen friends. It is nice to see there are still gentlemen in this world, and if you are paying, I’ll have a bottle of Veuve Clicquot when we go to dinner. Of course you can have what you want (to drink, Petal) as well, I’m not stingy. Please let me know a week or so in advance, as I will have to fit you in to my crowded appointment book, though with promises of Veuve Clicquot you do go to the top of the waiting list.

Dear Hillary,
I have been reading your column and have enjoyed it very much. As I am going to be over there in September for the first time I am writing. It seems that everyone I ask (single men like myself) talk about being at the bars as the way to meet the Thai girls (workers). I’m not a big drinker so will I offend if I do not drink a lot or wish to leave to go see music, movies or see the country.
Roger

Dear Roger,
I can assure you that the ladies from the bars have not the slightest interest in how much ‘you’ drink, only in how much ‘they’ drink, while you are paying of course! This is because they receive a percentage of the cost of the ‘lady drinks’, while they get nothing from the price of your drinks. This is how they make money, as they are ‘working’ women, getting their monthly salaries plus extras. It works like this, since you have not been here before, Petal. They generally receive a small wage (or retainer), and then their lady drinks percentage plus a percentage of the so-called ‘bar fine’ which is what the punters (like you) pay for the honor and glory of taking one of the blushing young ladies away from the bar to see music, movies or the country. Anything else is a private arrangement between the lady and the customer, as you have to realize that there is no prostitution in Thailand, because the government said so. And in the statute books has said so since about 1966. While you are paying for things, you will not offend. However, when the money runs dry, then it is a different story.