Dear Hillary,
I have started to use the street corner motorcycle taxis recently and have two
questions. Is it safe to use them? How much should I pay for shortish trips? I
have found them very handy and they will drop me exactly where I want
(especially off the baht bus routes), but I am a little concerned about the
correct fare.
Marje
Dear Marje,
Prices of the motorcy trips have gone up
recently, just like everything these days, Petal. Do bargain with them, but when
you get somewhere close to 50 baht you are doing well. Always ask for a helmet,
and hang on tight! If you feel your driver is going too fast, say “Cha cha”
(slowly slowly) and insist he does slow, while beating him on the shoulder with
your handbag.
Dear Hillary,
We live in Jomtien and often go to the beach there as it
seems to be very popular with the Thais, as we see them swimming there a lot.
Why do the Thai people wear clothes when they go into the sea? Sometimes it
looks like shipwreck survivors from the Titanic. Some Thais wear bikinis, but
they are in the minority. I even see them going in wearing jeans! Why, Hillary
please tell us.
Swimsuit Sue
Dear Sue,
The urban myth is that the Thai women think that if a girl
has brown skin it means she is a farmer’s daughter, out in the sun all day
planting rice, so down the bottom of the society pecking order. Nothing as na๏ve
as that in reality, my Petal. Thai women want to be like European females and
buy skin whitening cream by the bucket load, get their noses elevated by the
cosmeticians, dye their hair blonde, have it made curly and call themselves
“super models”. So the answer is found in the inbuilt vanity or fear of not
looking young and beautiful. That is why Thai women are doing ‘selfies’ every
minute of every day! Incidentally, Western women want brown skin (that’s why
there is so much of it on display) and dye their hair black and have it
straightened.
Dear Hillary,
Why do the shops open so late in Pattaya? The main shopping
centers officially open at 11, but many of the shops are still setting up at
11.30. I am sure they must lose an awful lot of business with this late opening.
Can’t the shopkeepers get out of bed in time? I’m intrigued.
Dear Intrigued,
The shops open late because the sales girl slept in after
singing in a karaoke bar till 5 in the morning and having to leave her
motorcycle there because she was still too drunk to drive. It’s a hard life for
shop openers! No, to be honest, there are two reasons why the shops open late.
The first is that for Thai people a watch is a fashion accessory, not something
to tell the time, and secondly. Pattaya is a night time city, and even the
customers don’t get up till late.
Dear Hillary,
When I walk down to the end of the street, many of my
neighbors say to me “Buy nai” (or that’s what it sounds like). Since I don’t
speak much Thai I get embarrassed and just nod and keep walking. I thought
“Sawasdee” was “Good Morning”, so what are they saying? Am I being rude by just
nodding? I don’t want to look like a snobby foreigner.
Dear Snobby Foreigner,
Your neighbors are just being their usual friendly (and
inquisitive) selves. “Bai nai” (usual spelling) is really just “Where are you
going?” You do not have to say where you are going, you just reply “Going
somewhere for fun” which is “Bai Tee-ow”.
Dear Hillary,
I see a lot of girls in my local shopping center, and many
are quite nice. I see them resting on the seats. I know you say we older farangs
should stay away from the bars, but will I find Miss Right in the shopping
center? Or do I have to lie about my age (I’m a pensioner)? What should I do?
I’m getting tired of being lonely. Should I get my hair dyed?
Lonely Lenny
Dear Lonely Lenny,
What shower did you come down in, my lonely Petal? Must
have been the last one. Will you find Miss Right waiting on the bench for you at
the supermarket? No Larry, you will only find Miss Take there. Mistake if you
talk to her and Miss Take all your money by the time you reach the checkout
counter. These are freelance girls who can disappear very easily and you will
never find where she went or came from (other than Aisle B next to the hot dog
counter). They are more dangerous than the girls from the bars. At least Hello
Sexy Man bar will still be there tomorrow, and the mamasan knows the ID of her
girls. As far as getting your hair dyed - forget about it, my Petal. It goes
that charming color of ginger after two weeks.
