Dear Hillary,
Although as you stated prostitution has been around for ever, but it was bought (sic) to light in the 19th century by an American Widow who went to Siam as a Nanny to the Royal Household.
Named Anna (Deborah Kerr) she soon attracted the attention of King Yul and taught him a few new dance steps, all the rage in America.
King Yul was so overcome that he set her up in her own condo and showered her with gifts. Legend has it that when the word of this spread to Issan and Loas (sic) all the young women ventured out to seek their own Prince Charming.
The years rolled on and one night at Kings Cross a young Tasmanian girl (Mary Donaldson, a commoner) happened to be in a Sydney night club when she met a guy named Fred (Prince Frederik of Denmark) out for the night with the boys. Fred fell into the same trap as King Yul and set Princess Mary up in a palace in Denmark.
So if Anna and Mary can hit the jackpot, why not Nid, Lek or Malee? The Thai girls know it is a dark swamp they must enter with lots of pitfalls such as snakes frogs and pimps but it is a chance they must take to support their families and keep the Buffalo healthy. (PS, Tasmania would be Australia’s Issan.)
Arnie

Dear Arnie,
Just where did you get that drivel from? Watching re-runs of The King and I on CNN? Anna Leonowens (played by Ms Kerr in the fictionalized movie) had a very small part to play in the Royal Household of King Mongkut (played by Yul Brynner). She was not “set up in a condo”. Her book has been shown to be a complete make believe. Try Google as a source.
The romance of Prince Frederik and Princess Mary is a modern day fairy tale, and it could be argued that she struck it lucky. I prefer to think they fell madly in love.
And finally, Tasmania is Australia’s Issan? Just how did you come up with that? Please brush up on your spelling and facts, before you bombard me again!

Dear Hillary,
Being one who knows which fork to use and is conversant with good manners. Can you clear up a problem for me? It’s to do with fish and chips. The better part of the farang population here would not know what a “Fish Knife” is so we leave that one alone.
It’s to do with “Tartare Sauce” served with fish. My sainted Mam told me it should be either poured over the fish or poured on your plate and the fish is dipped in it.
This week I was at my usual 3 star eatery and I noticed a man with an English accent placing the fish on his fork and then dipping it in the minute tartare dish. Much to the raised eyebrows of the laundry maid as more went on the table cloth then on his fish.
Come up with the right answer and I’ll send you a bottle of Mc Williams Brown Muscat and a melted Kit Kat, as I value your advice.
Aussie Bill
Dear Aussie Bill,
You are a sweet man, and how could I ever say that anyone’s mother was wrong! However, the similar concept runs with butter and butter knives. You don’t dip the bread in the butter, you scoop enough from the butter dish and place that on your plate. From there, you butter your bread/bun or whatever. And so it be with tartare sauce. It should be served in a small gravy boat and poured either on the fish, or better, on the plate, and small amounts placed on the fish before being sent to the mouth.
The Muscat sounds nice, Petal. The melted Kit Kat does not!

Dear Hillary,
In many of the bars and clubs (and I don’t mean the ‘gay’ ones), when you go to the Gentleman’s toilet there will be an attendant standing there. Just when you’re about to relax the old bladder muscle, some of these chaps will quietly come up behind you and give you a back and neck massage while you are at the urinal, and I just do not like this at all. The majority of my male friends I talk to feel the same, so why do the owners continue to let this happen? There are some clubs I have stopped going to because of this attendant thing. What’s your advice, Hillary?
Willy

Dear (another) Willy,
You are asking the wrong person, Willy. This problem is one that I have absolutely no direct understanding of, my Petal, I can only guess. I haven’t even peeked around the door of any gentleman’s toilet! Us girls do it sitting down, if you didn’t know. As far as what to do? I am sure a simple “Mai ow, khrap” (no thank you) would be enough. If that doesn’t work you can always pee on his foot, rather than on your own, as it seems to be at present!