Dear Hillary,
Could you put in your column to the poor, Aus cobber about his pension. Don’t spit out your dummie. If you want it you have to fight for it. I got in touch with the international ombudsman. Start with one that will help you. Good luck, don’t give up. And that’s a bottle of Veuve Clicquot for Hillary when you get it. Advice free!
Dickie

Dear Dickie,
On behalf of the un-named Australian, thank you for the free advice, and I certainly hope he gets a positive outcome. I can taste the Veuve Clicquot already.

Dear Hillary,
To Charlie who holds up Thai bar girls as the way to go. Yes Charlie old bean, “Mug” is the word! When, oh when, will you “mugs” learn? About once a year, my friends and I take a trip down to Walking Street, we find a bar, turn the seats around to face the street and watch the entertainment, which we call it “the Jonny 2 weeks show”. We like to watch all the “greenhorns” (mugs) doing what they do best - meet a girl and after 3 weeks ask her to marry them and why not buy her a motorbike, a house perhaps and then cry about how she stole from you, how these girl are not to be trusted, my advice is - if you do not have a mirror at home fill up a bucket of water, look in to the bucket and that idiot looking back at you is responsible for everything that happens to you. Stop crying, learn to speak Thai, get a life and enjoy Thailand - if not, I say, “Som nam na!”
Thai Mark

Dear Thai Mark,
Everything you mentioned is true, without a doubt, but if these “mugs” didn’t do all the silly things, there would be no need for this column!

Dear Hillary,
Regarding “salaries” for GFs. Why must you upset the mango cart? The financial arrangements have been here a long time and seem to work out for all concerned. You cannot change the system old girl.
Singha Jerry

Dear Singha Jerry,
You seem to be confused, Singha Jerry (too much Singha perhaps)? Wives and husbands are a team, not one the master and the other the servant, as you would like it to be. Sorry SJ, I cannot agree with you in any way at all.
Dear Hillary,
Just came from having breakfast with my two mates and our bar girlfriends. All three of us are around 70 years old, weigh around 130 kilos each, have little hair and have money. Yep, that is the system here; got money? Got honey. I suppose we could go back to a miserable lonely life in jolly good wherever, but why, so it would make you folks happy? Forget about it.
Kamel Hyder

Dear Kamel Hyder,
If you decide that this is the “system” for you, then that’s fine by me, just don’t complain when it goes A over T. Beware of ending up with neither honey nor money.

Dear Hillary,
I’ve read all the books, listened to the wise advice from the old hands, and still I get stymied in my attempts to find these elusive “good women” that you talk about. Just where are they? I don’t see any beating a path to my door, no matter how open I leave it. Where or what am I supposed to do next?
Big Al

Dear Big Al,
The first thing you have to do is close the door. “Good” girls don’t walk around the villages at night, looking for open doors. They leave that to the “good time” girls, and that whole scene is a little doubtful, in all aspects, Big Al. Finding your soul mate needs you to go to where such creatures hang out - not waiting by your door, waiting for them to chance by. It is time you got off your Big A, Petal and worked out where these girls come from, and where you can meet them in a social scene. One very easy way is to go to parties and BBQ’s put on by expats married to Thai ladies. Let the hostess know that you don’t have a partner, but would love to meet a nice Thai lady, and she will let all her eligible friends know. The next step of course depends upon whether you are really ready for a relationship yourself, and whether or not you are really a butterfly. Thai ladies are not going to spend time with a time waster, no matter how clever or rich you think you are. Really, Big Al, the dating situation is just like in your own country. You meet ladies in a social environment, and eventually someone goes ‘click’ with you (and her)! The trick is in finding the right social environment. If the environment you inhabit is the bar scene, you will end up with bar girls I am afraid.