Hi Hillary,
Thanks for the compliment, even I have come to you for advice, it was 3 yrs. ago, you helped me get what I now know to be a silly idea out of my head. There will always be a need for you. I am just one of a small number of expats, now about 4 of us I know who have 30+ yrs. in LOS. We all started as young men, I was 29. We all have never suffered any devastating attacks of stupidity. 20 yrs. playing the bar scene, I never got ripped off once. Not so much because I speak a fair bit of Thai, but because I learned when to. I’m from New York, as we say; “Don’t hate the game, hate the players, to be good at the game, learn how to play”. You’re doing a great job on advice, I have learned to keep mine limited, and my opinions measured. I like my life drama free. Since you don’t seem to mind, I’ll just leave a comment from time to time.
Dill Pickles

Dear Dill,
Thank you very much, Petal, and it is always a pleasure helping out people like your good self. However, after 30 years in the local scene, you should have picked up quite a few pointers. Now you can “Buy me drink!”

Dear Hillary,
I met a really great girl. She may be ugly, fat, blind and deaf, but she owns a liquor store and has no kids.
Camel

Dear Camel,
Yes, but does this really great girl not have needy parents and a brother with a motorcycle a broken leg and a buffalo that is ailing? Cover all the bases first, before claiming you have found the ideal woman!

Dear Hillary,
I have a real problem, which I hope you can help me with. Even if you can’t, then just by publishing this letter it may help, because the people who are producing this problem do not seem to know it exists but I know they read your column! Let me explain, dear Hillary. Everyone I know around me seems to have no idea of what time is about. Meetings that are supposed to last for two hours drag on for three because the people in the meeting can’t get there on time. You make an appointment to go to lunch or dinner and the other person shows up an hour late. You go to an appointment and get there on time to find the person you are meeting hasn’t come back to the office yet because they were late for the earlier meeting they were going to. If I did precious little all day it would be fine, but I have plenty of things to do and sitting twiddling my thumbs isn’t one of them. What do you suggest Hillary?
Tempus Fugit

Dear Tempus Fugit,
Y ou have my sympathies. Watches are cheap and plentiful in this country, but the ability to actually tell the time seems to have been lost by many of the locals. I used to have a friend who was woefully late everywhere. After putting up with his terminal tardiness I invited him to dinner at a restaurant at 7.30. When he had not shown up by 7.45 I ordered my meal and by the time he arrived, full of apologies as usual at 8.30, I had finished my meal. I left him the “Check Bin” and went home immediately. He has never been late since. What I suggest is that when appointments are made you stress the fact that you will be on time and will wait 15 minutes only - and do it! But lots of luck, Petal!

Dear Hillary,
Can nothing be done about the songthaew drivers? For a tourist city they give the place a bad name with their stand-over tactics and demands for fares much greater than should be the case. No wonder the foreign tourists look for taxis, but unless they have their wits about them they will again be quoted exorbitant fares, rather than using the meters. For a real fun time in Bangkok or Chiang Mai, try a tuk-tuk which will attempt to take you straight to the nearest jewelry shop that pays for their fuel. Until our respective city fathers meet the songthaew monopoly head on and produce a real public transport system, this will always be a third world tourist destination.
“Mister, where you go?”

Dear “Mister, where you go?”
Unfortunately you are quite correct, my Petal. The songthaew which do not have any fixed or marked destination will always be a turn-off for tourists. Why would you expect them to get on transport with unmarked destinations? Perhaps it is time for the TAT to get involved and issue ‘tourist bus’ licenses for drivers who meet a minimum standard in communication. Hillary has given up with the songthaews, taxis and tuk-tuks, and uses motorcycle taxis when possible (still none in Chiang Mai). They appear to be a friendlier bunch and will heed the “cha-cha” (slowly) instructions. You do have to barter first, but that’s part of the fun of living in the ‘third world’.