Dear Hillary,
A good mate is in trouble with his wife of many years (about 10 I think). Turns out she has been having it off with some guy on the side for a few months, but it all came out a couple of months ago. She promised him it was all over and she would finish it. He accepted this and began to trust her again, he says. But now he finds she is still in contact with the guy on facebook and the guy’s message book has sexy photographs of her and him. He is shattered this time and just doesn’t know what to do any more. She says she has blocked the guy’s messages now, but he thought she had done that last time when she said it was all over and she wanted the marriage to continue. No kids involved but he still loves her but cannot trust her any more. He’s asked me to get some opinions, so what’s yours Hillary?
George

Dear George,
I really feel for your friend, that is an awful position to be in. He must have forgiven her before after the first time, so I can understand that he feels he has been kicked in the teeth again. I am reminded of the Indian proverb which went “He who cheats me once, shame on him - he who cheats me twice, shame on me.” My advice is that the two of them should have some frank and honest discussions between them, and try and clear up some of the problem areas. You (and I) are only getting one side of this story, so there may be much more under the surface. Honesty has obviously not been very strong in their marriage, which also makes people lack trust, once the lies come out. What do I think? If she swears to tell the truth from now on and does so, the marriage has a chance of recovery, but any more lies and it will collapse.

Dear Hillary,
On from Richard’s problem of a couple of weeks ago where he was worried about his wife spending much time out at night going “out with friends” at least three times a week. Richard, she’s cheating and you know it. Start cutting her allowances, drive her out and get a newer model. Sometimes you have to face these things and you have not been wanting to do this, have you?
Sam

Dear Sam,
I would agree, that on the surface it looks very suspicious, but like George, we don’t know the full story I am sure. I stick by my advice and as I wrote just remember “seek and ye shall find” may give you the answers - but they may be answers that you didn’t want to hear. Discussion is by far the better way, Petal.

Dear Hillary,
(In reply to Scotty’s problem of being broke and in Australia, brought the following words of advice from Jimmy.) Scotty, your Australian age pension is enough to live on here. After you have been here about a month the government stops paying your supplement allowance. That leaves you B. 48000 to live on. There are many places you can rent here for about B.1000 a month. If you can come up with another B. 19000 there are places who will get you a Retirement Visa, doing away with visa runs. 90 day immigration checks for free. Don’t have the air fare? Get a MasterCard and pay it off over a few months. If you are an Alky stay home. I maybe don’t have all the answers but I have lived here many many years.
Jimmy

Dear Jimmy,
I am not so sure you have all the answers either, Petal. I am told by retired Aussies living here that they cannot get their Australian pension paid in Thailand, unlike the British pensioners who can. Retirement visas are not free, and you have to have large sums in the bank, which Scotty does not have.

Dear Hillary,
I see that you had someone write in complaining that they had to take a chaperone with them when going to dinner with a young girl he was interested in. Why complain? This is the sort of girl we all want to meet, not the money grubbers from the beer bar. This turkey doesn’t know just how lucky he is. Tell him to send me the details and I’ll happily go in his place. There’s a lot of guys like me who have been ripped off over the years, and to find someone who is living a sheltered life is almost too good to be true here. Stop complaining Dude!
Jealous

Dear Jealous,
You read the letter, but did you also read my reply? I said, “You are considerably older than her and have spent the past two years in the bar scene, by your own letter.” I was trying to get him to see just how fortunate he really was, but I think two years of “Hello sexy man. Come in please. Sit down please. One more beer? Buy me drink. I wan go wit you. Pay bar for me?” was all too much. He is a lost cause, I feel.