Dear Hillary,

In the September 21 edition of the paper, a chap called Jacques wrote to you about teenage pregnancies. What I want to tell you is that it is not just a Thai problem, but is a problem all over the world, whether they get sex education lessons or not. Jacques is probably French, looking at his name, and they have the same problem over there, but the difference between Thailand and Europe is that in Europe social services pay the young girl, so they don’t get into bar work. Here there are no social services, so the young girls find their own way around the problem. It’s nothing to do with right or wrong, it’s just a different way of looking at it.

Will

Dear Will.

Where there’s a will, there’s a won’t, is that right Petal? I still say that education is the requirement, both here and in the rest of the world. Anything to stop teenage pregnancies is an excellent idea in my books. And I am not being judgmental about this either. I did not say anything was “right or wrong”, it was you who brought morality into it.

Dear Hillary,

I never thought of myself as a prude, but what do you think of the way these girls dress round here. Or maybe I should have said “undress” round here. Every day I see girls with dresses so short it barely covers their panties and when they go up escalators, nothing is left to the imagination. While they dress like that, they are asking to be molested. The boy is the one who gets in trouble, but it is these girls who taunt the boys with the sexy dresses that cause the trouble. Do you agree with me Hillary?

Julie

Dear Julie,

I’m sorry Julie, but while I agree some girls here dress in a very sexual manner, the girl who gets pregnant is also in trouble. If the society accepts the dress code which worries you, it means the girls’ parents have given their agreement. Like the letter before yours, it is back to sex education I believe. I might also suggest you stop being an ‘up-skirt voyeur’.

Dear Hillary,

I am new round this neck of the woods, and I am still finding my feet, and this can sure be a difficult place to find things. I had to get a hose for the bum washer the other day and the girl in the hardware shop just didn’t understand what I wanted and was trying to sell me the whole kit and caboodle. Yes, I did manage in the end, but I’d like to know of some nice, not over the top, restaurants where I could take some female company. The girls are so nice, I reckon they deserve a feed every so often.

Randy

Dear Randy,

You sound like a nice genuine guy, my Petal, but there are a couple of things you need to do. First go and learn the language. This is Thailand and the people speak a language called Thai. It is not impossible for foreigners to learn it (after all, little children learn to speak it). Secondly, if after some replacement hardware part, take the original one into the shop with you. Simple and no hassle. Now where to go to eat? I’m not the right one, Petal, you need Miss Terry and not Ms. Hillary. Miss Terry Diner reviews one restaurant every week in the Pattaya Mail, and gives average prices in the review to make it easier for you. However, if you are taking to dinner one of our nice ‘readily available’ young ladies, be warned that many do not like western and only eat Thai food.

Dear Hillary,

I am only here for a short holiday, so I hope you can answer me quickly. I have fallen in love with a Thai girl and don’t know what to do. She works in the bar in my street, that’s where I met her. She has only just come down from her village “up country” this week. She makes friends very easily (all the other girls in the bar seem to be her friends) and she speaks very good English. I would like to take her back to the UK with me when I go next week. How do I go about this? Will she come with me (I haven’t asked her yet)? Do I need to ask her parents’ permission to take her overseas? Please hurry with the reply as I haven’t got much time left.

Ernie from Exeter

Dear Ernie,

Slow down lad, slow down! I can see you have fallen in love (make that LOVE) with the poppet in the corner bar, but if she has lots of friends in the bar, it is highly likely she did not come down last week, but months previously. “Up-country” girls new to Pattaya do not speak good English, that is something they learn on a bar stool. Yes, you need a visa, just like you needed a visa to come into Thailand, but visas to the UK are much more difficult. You will not get one in two weeks! Ernie, go home to Exeter and fall in love with another one on your next trip.