Agony Ivy’s Pattaya Postbag


Lost in the post

Dear Agony Ivy,
I have just been reading about horrible murders in Thailand and how the murderers are tracked down and caught after the corpses are discovered. My advice would be to parcel up the bodies in small pieces, take them to the post office and post them to any address. It really doesn’t matter as the chances of anyone ever actually receiving the packages are next to zero.

Name and address withheld, Ban Saen.

DIY disaster

Dear Agony Ivy,
I was looking round the gardening section at a popular Do It Yourself store in Pattaya the other day when a guy in an orange and black uniform asked me if I wanted decking. Fortunately I got in the first punch before this idiot got a second chance. I have to say that this city is going to the dogs.

Mike the Muscle, Ex RAF.

Prison Complaint

Dear Agony Ivy,
I have just read on the internet that Thai prisons are bulging and that the prisoners are ballooning. Prisons are supposed to be there for punishment and I think it is absolutely ridiculous to give them the thrill of a life time by playing games. This would never have happened in the days of the chain gang.

Mavis Trumble, Mabprachan Lake.

Not so romantic

Dear Agony Ivy,
Last month I saw a very curious advertisement for Valentine’s Day at a four-star Jomtien restaurant. It said a romantic, a la carte dinner for two with personal air conditioners would cost 2.500 baht. It went on to say that a third person at the table would cost an additional 700 baht.

Confused Cyril, Up to You Condominium.

Reptile dilemma

Dear Agony Ivy,
A lot of harmless snakes in my area are being killed by too many cars on the roads. The local authority did put up a sign saying “Beware of Snakes Crossing” but it hasn’t made any difference. The sign needs to be moved to a road with less traffic.

Freda Addington, Huay Yai.

Gay’s not the word

Dear Agony Ivy,
I think there is too much discussion these days about homosexuality. My grandson came home the other day and said the science teacher had told them the next subject would be homosapiens. No wonder the world is in a mess.

Fiery Fred, The Dark Side Pattaya.