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HEADLINES [click on headline to view story]:
 
Family Money: Getting caught out in the Slips
 
The computer doctor

Successfully Yours: David Marris
 
Snap Shots: Look after your investment
 
Modern Medicine: Yuk! Your breath smells!

Heart to Heart with Hillary
 
Grapevine
 
Animal Crackers: What's in a Name
 
Auto Mania: Bira and Peugeot 406 get the Thumbs Up

Fitness Tips: How Long Will You Wait?

Family Money: Getting caught out in the Sips

By Leslie Wright

If you thought from the headline that this week’s article was going to be about cricket or investment opportunities in international sport, I’m afraid you’ll be disappointed.

(Although in point of fact there have been significant investment opportunities in the developing international leisure industry over the past decade; indeed, the leading unit trust specialising in this sector gained 20.2% last year. But that’s all beside the point.)

Showing your Slips

Recently the local flavour-of-the-month investment offer was a float of debentures offered by Thai Farmers Bank.

This Stapled Limited Interest Preferred Stock program (with the simpler-sounding acronym ‘Slips’) was very popular judging by the number of enquiries I received about it. Good effort by the local marketing people!

Trouble was that most people didn’t really understand exactly what it was on offer, other than it seemed to be offering quite high rates of interest on quite a chunk of money.

Minimum investment: 10 million baht. Interest ranging from 11%-23% has been "promised", depending on how well the bank and its stock do over the next seven years.

Sounds juicy, doesn’t it? Perhaps. If you have a spare Bt.10 million that you’re looking to invest locally, and you are willing to risk leaving it invested with just one local institution for at least seven years.

However, if I or one of my clients were thinking of investing this amount of capital into emerging market debt (which fundamentally is what this is, no matter what fancy marketing name you attach to it), I’d prefer to invest into a well-managed emerging-market bond fund with an internationally-recognised institution which has its underlying investments spread rather more widely than just one single bank in Thailand, and would permit me to switch to another fund or withdraw my capital whenever I felt like it.

But that’s just me being cautious. You do with your spare Bt.10 million whatever you like.

Many investors were evidently not so cautious, as TFB was very successful with its float issue, raising Bt.40 billion of much-needed new capital - which effectively is what this float was all about.

Why lending banks are borrowing

Under the government’s revised regulations, local banks are required to have a capital reserve of not less than 8.5% of assets, with at least 4.25% as tier-one capital.

As it looks almost certain now that considerable amounts of local banks’ non-performing loans will have to be written off, this will not only have an adverse effect on their balance sheets, but reduce their capital. Thus, finding extra money from somewhere to shore up this capital was essential.

And also, to be able to hold onto it for a fairly long period, so they wouldn’t run short again soon.

A statement from the former Commerce Minister, Dr Narongchai Akrasanee, was recently published that banks which are having trouble raising new capital and experiencing delays in negotiating with prospective foreign partners may ultimately end up under government control.

According to Dr Narongchai, this is seen as a bad thing for the banking sector and the economy in general, partly because those banks under state control would have to comply with civil service regulations, "which would restrict the flexibility of bank executives in business operations," he said. (And we all know what that means, don’t we?)

Some local banks have been successful in negotiating with overseas institutions, and raised significant amounts of capital over the past year by selling off substantial percentages of their shareholding to them - but evidently not enough.

Some troubled local banks have been less successful in these negotiations, and in some cases have broken off negotiations on the basis that the terms being demanded by the foreign banks were unacceptable.

It is worth noting that these "unacceptable demands" included seats on the board of directors, active participation in the management of the bank, revised business practices - including diligent prior vetting of loans - all perfectly normal international business practices designed to safeguard their substantial investment and protect their own shareholders.

However, a stumbling block to foreign investment institutions agreeing to take a stake in Bangkok Metropolitan Bank and Siam City Bank, Dr Narongchai noted, was that the foreigners had asked for guarantees against loss for up to seven years.

It should come as no surprise that such demands by greedy foreigners would be unacceptable - especially in the case of those local banks which are privately held (i.e., by a family), who would then have to answer to their new partners (the foreign banks) for their sometimes peculiar local ways of doing business...

The fact that these strange and sometimes dubious practices are what got them into trouble in the first place is beside the point: Thais must NOT be dictated to by foreigners, and this new economic colonialism is unacceptable to the Thai people, as has been loudly proclaimed many times in the popular press and parliament.

Adding to the burden

However, another recent report quotes the general manager of Dresdner Bank, Vichai Punchoa, who has pointed out that if local banks are forced to take a "haircut" of 33% on their outstanding loans, local taxpayers could be left with a 2.4 trillion-baht debt (that’s roughly US$65 billion).

It is worth noting that that figure constitutes 70% of Thailand’s GDP.

Even with the new legislation permitting foreclosure on collateral about to be passed, such proceedings could take up to 10 years through the notoriously slow courts - and arguments are still going on about the exact procedures: will each case have to go up through three courts or only two?

Mr Vichai went on to say that forcing the banks to take a 33% loss on their loans, these losses would eventually be passed on to the government and taxpayers, who would be thus burdened for generations to come.

Jumping on the bandwagon

Anyway, TFB’s float issue was so successful in raising Bt.40 billion of new capital that a somewhat smaller bank, Bank of Ayudhya, has followed its lead (for the same reason), and next month Bangkok Bank (of which some 48% of its total loans are NPLs) is about to do the same thing, with an issue of Capital Augmented Preference Shares (or Caps for short).

And why not? After all, the smart local rationale is that it’s much better to borrow money from the silent investing public than having to sell off large chunks of equity to all those greedy foreign banks, and agree to their demands to having some say in the management of the bank. Which might even include - horror of horrors! - trying to veto future loans to Old Friends and Persons Of Influence whom it would be embarrassing to ask to put up proper collateral to cover their loans... Which just wouldn’t be polite, would it?

You may also have read that the banks are now planning to reclassify their NPLs to reflect the ‘true’ position.

Thus a borrower who has the means to pay but refuses to pay a debt to the bank (which nowadays are called "strategic NPLs" in local bankers’ parlance - and estimated to constitute some 15% of all NPLs) will no longer have all his other loans classified as dubious; only those he refuses to pay. Thus his overall credit rating will be improved, thereby enabling him to borrow some more...

So, a low-on-capital bank borrows money from the investing public to raise new capital (of which it has insufficient, remember - hence the need for the bond issue), and promises to pay it back at maturity in seven years (does that number sound vaguely familiar?) - and to pay you a nice dividend in the meantime.

But on its own promise, mind you (as one supposes the individual debtors with NPLs originally promised to repay their loans when they first borrowed the money).

The bank, then, is guaranteeing itself in promising that you won’t lose your money, which you’ll get back after seven years.

(Ah - now I remember why the number seven sounded familiar! That’s the period coincidentally being asked by foreign investors for guarantees on their investment in certain banks, to which those banks are not willing to agree... Yes...!)

Converting to stock

Somewhere down in the fine print it mentions that these debentures, bonds, whatever you want to call them, are convertible into preferred stock.

So, if I’ve understood it correctly, if the bank stock does well, you stand to gain handsomely! Perhaps up to 23%, they’re saying! (Although I recall that somewhere else down in the fine print it says they will pay you nothing for the first two years...)

But as noted earlier, if the bank has to write off large amounts of NPLs, that will erode its capital, and affect its balance sheet, and hence affect the share price in the stock market.

But that’s nothing you need fret about right now, because the bank has promised to pay you a handsome dividend (at least from year 3 onwards), and it will surely keep its promise.

But if the bank gets into trouble, well... Dr Narongchai tells us such banks will probably end up in government hands.

But the government has promised to support the banks if they get into trouble, hasn’t it? So that’s okay then.

There may not be any investor-protection legislation in Thailand to provide you any legal guarantees; but the government can safely be relied upon to keep its word, as it always has in the past.

And anyway, preferred stock always gets paid off before common stock, doesn’t it?

Yes. Right behind the tax man, and the creditors, and the depositors.

So as it is well known how responsibly the local banks have acted in their past dealings, and that their management is made up of highly trained professionals who are totally dedicated to protecting the best interests of their shareholders and depositors at all times, you really need have no worries about your Bt.10 million of investment capital being safe and secure for the next how many years? - at least seven, is it? - in their hands.

After all, I’m quite sure that at least the more reputable local banks will keep their promise to pay the dividends on time, and the capital when the note matures on these slips & caps and other items of clothing that various other local banks and financial institutions will undoubtedly dream up to offer to the investing public in the near future. Perhaps they should all band together and have a jumble sale.

If you have any comments or queries on this article, or about other topics concerning investment matters, write to Leslie Wright, c/o Family Money, Pattaya Mail, or fax him directly on (038) 232522 or e-mail him at [email protected]. Further details and back articles can be accessed on his firm’s website on www.westminsterthailand.com.

Leslie Wright is Managing Director of Westminster Portfolio Services (Thailand) Ltd., a firm of independent financial advisors providing advice to expatriate residents of the Eastern Seaboard on personal financial planning and international investments.

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The computer doctor

By Richard Bunch

I will turn this week’s column over to the ISP issue. Below you will find a cross section of this week’s postbag.

From Carl Lupone: Here is some input for your ISP inquiries. This is about Loxinfo and the number of calls I have to make to connect at 28K. It worked fine for about a month before Christmas but has not worked properly since. If I finally can connect at 28K why won’t it do so on the first call? Is this possibly a fault with my equipment, or the telephone line, I think not. Thanks for listening. I have e-mailed Loxinfo repeatedly about my problems but they have failed to answer. I must remember to pay my bill as promptly as they answer email, which looks like it may be never.

I read your column all the time and am ready for a class action suit if you guys are. I never miss an issue of Pattaya Mail. It is a great newspaper.

PC Doctor replies: I receive many letters complaining about the lack of response to e-mails and faxes sent to Loxinfo, who by their complacency seem to regard subscribers as an annoyance. Connection problems appear to be commonplace. It is unlikely the problems are related to your own installation although it is good practice to check the cabling at your house. I have seen instances where the telephone company has just twisted the cable around the pins which have become oxidised. Also, the earth contacts are great places for insects to live and you should check regularly that you have not got any unwanted guests.

From Clyde Black, Sattahip: I saw your article in the Pattaya Mail and thought I would write you with a question. It does not pertain to your last article. My wife and I live in a slightly remote area near Sattahip. We built our home there and have lived there for a little more than a year. My problem is this. There are no phone lines run to the area where we built our home. To date we have been unsuccessful in getting a line installed to our home. When I want to get on the net or just check my email I have to come into my wife’s shop in Naklua. I have a UBC satellite dish and get the National Geographic Channel. I was watching a program about some river rafters in Africa and they had stopped in the middle of nowhere and set up some type of receiver and tied in to the net right there along the river. Do you know of such equipment? Is it available in Thailand? If so what would you recommend and do you have any contacts?

PC Doctor replies: I, too, am aware of this equipment, but I am not sure of its availability here. But certainly in Europe the cost makes it unrealistic for home use. I suggest you consider connecting using a mobile telephone. You did not state whether you were using a notebook or desktop PC. A notebook can be connected directly using a PCMCIA modem, a suitable mobile telephone and the appropriate cable to connect. With a desktop PC you will additionally need an adapter to allow the PCMCIA modem to be connected.

From Benjaporn: I’m getting ready to join the Internet at home but two weeks ago I missed the Bangkok Post’s rating list of local service providers. Can you provide that for me or a list of your own? Much obliged for your help.

PC Doctor replies: I haven’t got the Bangkok Post’s survey to hand but from the correspondence I have received, by far the most complaints relate to Loxinfo, then KSC with Internet East (INE) being a clear winner. I would therefore suggest you subscribe to INE.

Remember that this is your column and the PC Doctor welcomes you questions.

The comments contained within this column are not necessarily the views of the author or Pattaya Mail Publishing Co., Ltd. Letters may be edited.

Send your questions or comments to the Pattaya Mail at 370/7-8 Pattaya Second Road, Pattaya City, 20260 or Fax to 038 427 596 or E-mail to [email protected]

Richard Bunch is Managing Director of Action Computer Technologies, the One Stop Shop for all your computer and Information Technology needs.

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Successfully Yours: David Harris

by Mirin MacCarthy

"The first thing I am going to do when I retire is travel through the U.S.A." Amazing words from someone who spends most of his life travelling. David Harris is General Manager of Christensen Products South East Asia. A lot of territory comes with the position, from Thailand, India, China, Japan New Zealand and South Africa and David covers it all.suc.jpg (21929 bytes)

The American parent company Layne Christensen Co. is one of the largest water well drillers in the world, involved in mining and exploration, soil stabilization and environmental work. It was David who was instrumental in establishing their presence here in Thailand, believing in the strategic value of the South East Asian market. When asked what type of Products does Christensen deal with David says simply, "Mainly tools and equipment". No these are not the carry around, fit in a back of a pick-up type tools; they include drill rigs, core barrels, diamond drill bits and directional drilling motors, to name but a few. In fact they manufacture and distribute a complete range for mineral exploration, civil construction and the environmental markets.

Although David says that he is American now, he still speaks with a midlands English accent.

He was born in Loughborough in the U.K., completing an apprenticeship in engineering and then taking a degree in accountancy, "Because that is where the money was!"

He had begun mapping out his life even then, but fate intervened in the form of Mary, an eighteen year old visitor from Australia. David was fascinated with both her and her tales of Australia so he followed her back there. They married, had two children and spent the next ten years in Adelaide.

He was working for Layne Christensen there and in 1978 was asked to transfer to the U.S.A. to Salt Lake City in Utah. "We spent nineteen years in the US. It was good - hot summers and great skiing in the winters. Our kids think of themselves as American, they were only five and six when we transferred there. They are both married now, one lives in Denver, the other Sacramento, and we have two grandsons."

"For the last ten years in America I spent about three months a year travelling. With such a wide territory it was on and off planes and away for weeks at a time. This is what is so good about the Thailand position. I can arrange my time so I can spend a week away and be at home for the weekends."

His enthusiasm for his company continues to show. "In the late eighties I was fortunate to become part owner of Layne Christensen. I had recommended to management that the company needed to be somewhere in Asia to support the marketplace here. Thailand had always been stable so Layne Thailand opened in 1985, primarily involved in water well drilling, and then commenced a manufacturing company in 1986."

David has been here since 1996. "I’m responsible for the sales and manufacturing operation in Thailand." He claims no interests apart from work and travel. "So much of my life is work and travel, the day seems to extend with different time zones and faxes, computers, telephones. I used to say golf was an interest, but I’ve only played once in two years here so I can’t say that any more. I enjoy being in Thailand, the weather’s fabulous, the beaches are good. I enjoy the work, the restaurants, the people. There is nothing better than to sit in a restaurant and watch the whole world go by."

Success to David is "Happiness! Being able to do what I want. To travel, to afford to see the world and live in exotic places like Thailand." His advice to would-be successful expat businessmen follows his own formula in life, "Travel overseas and be prepared to take some chances. I believe Asia will be the market place of the future."

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Snap Shots: Correct Exposure

by Harry Flashman

There is a tendency these days to think that the camera can do all the thinking for you and all you have to do is find your subject and pop the shutter. Hey presto! The world’s best photograph is yours. Unfortunately, the blurb sheet that came with your camera will also give this impression, no matter how incorrect it is!

You see, every camera, irrespective of how clever, how advanced its electronics or its auto-programmed multi-phasic metering, is still, in the end, just a machine that lets light fall on unexposed film. A fancy black shoe box with a lens.

There are always times when the camera will get it all wrong. This is because it is a machine, so it can’t think. Even more, it cannot mind-read so it has absolutely no idea what is the most important subject in the clutter of objects in the shot you are taking. It is worthwhile, if you have an SLR, taking more frames with what you think to be the correct exposure, rather than just relying on the camera’s inbuilt electronic gizmos.

It works like this - taking a shot of your favourite girlfriend on the beach, for example (or your wife if the girlfriend is indisposed) - the camera takes a reading from the blue sky, the blue sea, the yellow sand, the red beach umbrella and finally from your subject’s face. It puts the whole lot together, adds them up and divides by the number of readings and gets the average and applies that figure to the f stop and shutter speed. Even blind Freddie can see that if the background is exceptionally bright, the camera will be influenced by this and come up with the wrong exposure for the subject’s face - the reason for taking the shot in the first place. Remember, it cannot read your mind.

In these types of situations (and in Thailand with the bright sun, these situations often occur) the trick is to take the meter reading from the subject and forget the rest of the items in the shot. In our example of the girl on the beach, walk in close and take the exposure reading directly from her face. With some cameras you can "lock" that exposure in - you should look for the AE-L facility, or just twiddle your dials manually till you get the correct aperture and shutter speed. Now go back and compose the shot, leaving the same aperture and shutter speed settings. Do not be alarmed that the camera will try and tell you that the exposure levels are wrong. It is "averaging" everything out, remember. You know the settings are correct for your subject - you checked it yourself!

For an interesting experiment this weekend, try taking the shot above. Set the camera on Auto or Programme or whatever your model and make call it. Take the shots. Now go and do it the "manual" way and see what differences you get. Setting things up the way YOU want will produce a better exposed photograph (for the important subject) than just relying on the camera manufacturer’s ideas on what you should have.

With the increasing complexity of modern cameras there is a tendency not to properly read through the instruction manuals. How many of you can honestly say you’ve read yours all the way through? Recently? Perhaps as another interesting experiment, you should firstly FIND the book, and secondly, spend some time reading it and understanding the camera’s functions (and limitations). Harry Flashman has two copies of the instruction manual for the Nikons. One stays at home as reference and the other stays in the camera bag. Sure it’s getting dog-eared these days, but it is always there if I need it.

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Modern Medicine: Yuk! Your breath smells!

by Dr Iain Corness

There can be no-one who has not uttered that phrase, or had it told to them. Bad Breath is as common as dandruff and twice as socially embarrassing. We even have a name for it in our medical dictionary - Halitosis (sounds better than "Bad Breath" I suppose).

The commercial gargle people make their fortunes on people swigging gallons of the sweet tasting stuff to try to combat this complaint, and usually to no avail. You see, there are multiple causes of Halitosis - and very few relate directly your well-gargled mouth.

Let’s go through a few of the favourites - that is one fact you do learn after many years of medicine - always put your money on the favourite, it is much more likely to be the reason than the rank outsiders!

With children who have bad breath always suspect the T’s and A’s. That is Tonsils and Adenoids. With chronic infections this glandular tissue gets covered with goo that smells dreadful. Watch the child and see if he or she rubs his nose a lot - that is all you need to fine tune the diagnosis. Now have a look in your child’s throat too. If there are two large "strawberries" in the back of the throat you have now clinched it.

With adults the favourites are sinus infections, carious teeth or indigestion. Indigestion? Yes, indigestion. An excess of free stomach acid right through to frank ulceration can present as Halitosis.

Taking sinus infections, any really chronic sinus infection can also present as bad breath. Your parents probably called it "catarrh" and it’s always worse with smokers, so there is another reason to give up the weed.

Bad teeth are not so often the culprit - it requires really rotten molars, the sort you see in derelicts and swamp inhabitants, before they will taint the breath. And they would need concentrated Lysol to get over the smell and not a pleasant tasting mouthwash!

So next time your loved one says "Your breath smells", by all means brush your teeth in the short term, but investigate your nasal passages and your gut if the problem is recurrent. There are all sorts of ways these can be easily investigated - you just have to make an appointment to see your doctor and go from there. The good news is that just about all of the causes are simply treated and eradicated.

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Dear Hillary,

Since moving to Pattaya I’ve become rather disappointed with the Thai people. I’d heard that the Thai people were very kind. I’m from America, so I may be setting my standards too high. But the way the poor Thai dogs are just left in the streets is absolutely shocking and cruel. They seem to do all right but it is so awful to see the poor tatty animals with no one who cares about them or looks after them.

In Circleville, Ohio, my home in the United States, this would never be allowed to happen. Animals there must be taken care of and are not allowed to wander the streets. They must have their inoculations and a proper home.

I can truly say, in the United States, people care more about animals than they do here, a supposedly ‘merciful’ Buddhist country!

Even in the large cities, dogs are not left to roam the streets as they are here.

Can you explain THIS to me? I’m waiting for your answer.

Animal Rights Advocate

Dear Advocate,

I don’t know if I can justify it but I can explain it. The very reason that dogs are allowed to move freely about on the streets is because Thailand is a Buddhist country. They may not get proper baths and shots but they are usually fed or manage to survive somehow.

The idea of an ‘animal’ control, which catches strays and then puts them to death after three days is repugnant to the Thai Buddhist ethic. No one would want such a job. It is true that in certain parts of upcountry, dogs are eaten. Of course, that sounds distasteful, but Thai people find eating rabbits and turkeys extremely barbaric.

One might almost say that Thailand is an ‘equal opportunity’ country. People and animals have the same rights.

In America, only people are allowed to starve and live on the streets. This opportunity is denied animals. Thai people visiting America often find it very strange that there are very few stray dogs sleeping in the streets, only stray humans.

Thais people have the oddest ideas. When visiting the US, they often ask, "Don’t these people have families or anyone who cares about them? We know that Thailand is not as advanced as America but why do they take care of dogs but not humans?"

I didn’t know what to say, except that, "Humans have more rights. They’re allowed to roam the streets, freeze to death and starve. Animals just don’t have the same rights as humans here."

Somehow, I don’t think my explanation was very good.

I’m sure you can come up with a better one.

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GRAPEVINE

Bomber command
Randy Lees, an ex RN man who describes himself as a minor sex tourist from Leighton Buzzard, was shocked to discover a rusting World War Two landmine washed up on the beach near Jomtien. He valiantly stood guard for six hours shouting warnings and keeping children well away from the danger zone. At length, a bomb disposal unit arrived on the scene and informed Randy he had discovered a man hole cover.

Too busy for sex
The latest Australian research suggests that many people are obsessed with their jobs rather than with their partners. Melbourne based sexpert Nellie Cherry explained that couples throughout Asia are now being affected by TINS (Two Incomes No Sex) and their libido is being damaged by the pressures of work. She added that sexual encounters Down Under were down 23% in 1998 alone. Figures were not immediately available for South Pattaya.

Electric shock
It is not unknown for Pattaya’s antiquated electric meters, whether inside or outside the house, to blow up. The showers of sparks equal many a firework display but are far more dangerous. The regional electric company, which owns the meters, will oblige by fitting a new one but will charge you around 8,000 baht for the privilege. It can take two days after you report the explosion for the men in blue to show up. In the meantime, if the lights still work, you are asked not to use the aircon as it could be dangerous. The actual reason is you can’t be billed.

Raining cats and dogs
Could not happen in Pattaya, but a Denver reader reports he went into a luxury class Personal Pets’ Parlor and asked to buy some dog food. The blue rinse assistant explained he could not possibly sell any without first seeing the hound in question because meals must match the personality of the animal. Angry, the customer left but was back the next day asking for cat food. "Sorry, sir, I told you yesterday we have to see the pet before committing ourselves." So the customer produced a carrier bag which he opened to let out a disgusting stench. "Can I have some scratch tray litter then?"

Visa news
Word is that Phnom Penh is OK for obtaining a Thai visa, but single entries are the norm. Very difficult to obtain a double entry, tourist or non immigrant, even if your paperwork is both remarkable and immaculate. A consular officer there told a British applicant that he must go back to UK if he wanted more than one entry to Thailand. Meanwhile, in Singapore, the policy continues to be to refuse an end on tourist visa if the applicant has recently exited Thailand. E mail your experiences to the number at the foot of the column.

Excellent bread
Don’t forget to call in Seventh Heaven, a few doors on the right as you turn into Soi 7 from Second Road. Opened four months ago, this bakery cum snackery has just about the best fresh bread and soft rolls in town. The breakfasts are non greasy and this is certainly the place to visit if you want a birthday cake for that special occasion. The unusual name ties in with pictures on the walls depicting the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World. Run by Dave, a professional baker who has taught bread making throughout most of the continents.

Dial a fish
Police were called after several dozen pay phones were vandalized near an infamous Asian resort. It was discovered that local fishermen had cut off the handsets and lowered them into the water after connecting them to high powered batteries. The electricity passing through the microphones produced a high pitched whine which attracted the fish into the nets in a musical fashion. One nefarious varlot who was caught in the act told arresting officers, "I didn’t do it for the money, but I was enthralled just watching the fish perform underwater rhythmic dances."

Free treatment
An unusual scam has broken out in a couple of local hospitals where penniless farangs can’t pay their bills. After receiving out patient treatment, the dishonest folk offer spurious but color printed business cards and assure the hospital administrator the account will be settled promptly by making contact. They then leave quickly. Examples of cards shown to Grapevine include "International Red Cross Emergency Medical Fund" and "Worldwide Instant Medical Guarantee Assurance." To confuse matters further, the phone numbers shown belong to two foreign embassies in Bangkok. The scam did work once. And only once.

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Animal Crackers: What’s in a Name

by Mirin MacCarthy

Several weeks ago I asked readers to send in Interesting Pet Names. Here are some of the best.

From Dan Dorothy, Pattaya, Thailand: "When I was just a kid, my dear ol’ Grandma had a small, hairy dog (I don’t know what kind it was, but it looked like a toy dog - short legs, droopy ears, lots of hair, just slightly taller than your ankle). Although the dog was well cared for, my grandparents lived on a farm, and consequently the poor little (female) dog had its share of fleas and spent a lot of time scratching. Therefore, the little creature was appropriately named "Itchy Bitchy". Try calling that name in a crowded supermarket some time and see what looks you get."

animal.jpg (24976 bytes)Lemming.

From Michele Bultman, IN. USA: "We had a basset hound named Sir Samuel Quincy when I was a kid, but I think the best name came from a schoolmate. Her sister’s cat was all white with an orange spot on the top of his head. He looked like a puss with a toupee. Anyway, his name was Duracell because he had a copper top!"

From John Waller, Montana, USA: "While living in Ban Chang, I had a neighbor who was chosen by a street dog (puppy) that had the need. Long story short, as every one keeps their shoes outside, the dog chewed one of the man’s shoes beyond recognition. Hence, from that day on the dog was known as "One Shoe Chew" which was shortened to just "One Shoe" pronounced Wan Choo."

From Nancy Hunter, Texas, USA: "My boss is a single woman... and she named her male cat Harrison Ford. Why? So she can tell everyone she sleeps with Harrison Ford every night! Oh, brother!"

Thank you folks for your interest in the column and the great tales. Please send in any funny or fascinating short pet story you would like to share. Fax or email the Editorial office, Fax 038-427596, email [email protected]

Populate or Perish

Lemmings have been the subject of tall tales and legend for years. Hordes of lemmings are rumoured to throw themselves off cliffs periodically in bouts of mass suicide. This is not factual. Every three or four years, though, there is a huge increase in the lemming population, no-one can say why although it may be due to their breeding capabilities, as the fertile little turtles sexually mature at three or four months. They then proceed to eat themselves (and the reindeer) out of house and home and rush off in droves to find new pastures. They do travel far and overcome daunting obstacles, many fall to fox and bird predators, though it is not true that they leap off cliffs or attempt to swim across the sea. Just finding new tucker seems to be the name of the game.

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Auto Mania: Bira and Peugeot 406 get the Thumbs Up

By Dr. Iain Corness

Pattaya, the Peugeot 406 and the Bira Circuit were given the thumbs up by a visiting race driver last week. Julian Harburg, en route from Australia to the UK for the new race season over there, called into Pattaya for some R&R before getting into the rigours of the cold climate and full-on activity of motor racing in Europe.

Julian had just set new lap records in Oz with a C2 Porsche Cup race car and is hoping that his championship winning form will land him a competitive drive in the UK. Automania has been following the career of this young driver, and in fact, it was my team that gave Julian his start in motor racing. He did a total of three years with us before landing the Porsche Cup drive.

au.jpg (30888 bytes)Julian Harburg and Ted Aspudd at Bira.

After a few laps at the Bira International Race Circuit he was just sorry that he did not have the Porsche over here. Bira is a test of man, much more than machine and gives a driver the opportunity to show his skill, rather than just how much horsepower is under his foot. Fortunately, the local distributors of Peugeot brought down a 406 when they heard that the Aussie champ was in town. Whilst not an out and out race car, the 406 showed itself to be fleet of foot and a very sure-footed sporting sedan in the damp circumstances at Bira that day. A full story on the Peugeot will be printed later, but Julian had nothing but praise for the car when we eventually managed to get he and passenger Ted to stop driving around the circuit at racing speeds!

Julian had been fortunate to have the Swedish ex-racing driver Ted Aspudd on hand to show him the quick way around the twisting 2.4 km circuit. Ted has had a long and distinguished career in motor sport and will soon be opening a local branch of the famous U.K. based Jim Russell Racing Drivers School. For some years he has also been running Advanced Driving Courses at the Bira International Circuit and is still running Safe Driving Courses there, so has an intimate first-hand knowledge of the track.

Bira, with its unique mix of very fast sweepers and some very tight chicanes is a world-class facility that has been under-utilised of late. I have always been impressed with our local track, and have enjoyed putting in several hot laps last year in an MGF. (The local Ferrari Club who were there that day have still not forgiven me for blowing away some of Maranello’s finest - including a 355!)

However, a new manager and management structure plus some forward planning looks like it will turn things around for the local race circuit and motor sport in Thailand in general.

The calendar of races will kick off in March and Automania will publish a full list of dates shortly.

Hart gets hand in haggis-eater’s sporran!

Further to our story, a couple of weeks back, on the purchase of the Arrows Formula 1 Team by some Nigerian Clown Prince for a cool $123 million, poor old Tom Walkinshaw had hardly enough time to count it before the hands began coming out for payment. Latest in line is his engine builder Brian Hart who reckons he’s owed $1.2 million. Since the Hart engine has had nothing but an inglorious record of late, maybe that is why Tom’s such a slow payer. On the other hand, maybe he’s just a canny Scotsman. Whatever, he’s still got $121.8 million left by my reckoning. Now is the time to call up old favours!

Fancy a Fang round Bira?

After being up at the track the other day and getting the feel of the bitumen under the feet, all the old racing urges came back. There is not much better fun than rushing around a race circuit (well, at least the sitting down sort of fun). A few laps in the Peugeot 406 and I was hooked again.

Now I am talking totally out of turn here, but is there any interest out there in being taken around the circuit in your own car to experience the thrill of what it feels like playing Michael Schumacher and not worrying about motor cycles coming the other way? At the same time learning some advanced and safe driving techniques?

Why I say "out of turn" is that I haven’t even mentioned anything to the Bira people about this and where am I going to get trained (ex) race drivers? There’s only three of us here that I know of. However, if there is enough interest leave the logistics to me and I’ll find a way around all this. We might have to pay some money to cover track insurances etc., but there’s no sense in finding out all these things if there isn’t the interest out there. Let me know by fax 427 596 or email [email protected] if you want me to look into organising a "Pattaya Mail - Bira Circuit Drive Day".

Autotrivia Quiz

Not too many of you could come up with the two door version of the mid 50’s OHV Ford Customline I asked you about a couple of weeks ago. The clue was "falling water". The Victoria Falls! Yes, the 2 door Cusso was called the Victoria. And why "Victoria"? Sorry, I have no earthly idea!

And talking about old Fords, saw a huge old black Galaxie in Pattaya the other day. Still LHD and immaculate bodywork. Obviously a total restoration, and a great job too.

So for this weeks question - what was the firm in the USA famous for its 7 litre Galaxie engines? These engines really had some grunt and I saw one in the UK fitted in an E Type Jaguar. Coyly called the Jaguar "Egal" it was a real weapon. At the Silverstone circuit, the driver dribbled it around the corners, got it half straight and pulled the string. Tyre smoke would pour out from under the rear wheel arches and it just disappeared from the field. There’s no substitute for cubic inches, as they say in the US!

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Fitness Tips: How Long Will You Wait?

by David Garred
Club Manager Dusit Resort Sports Club

G’day Pattaya. Let me ask you a couple of questions. Do you want to feel better, look better, sleep better, reduce the risk of you contracting heart disease, lose weight, firm up and/or reduce your stress levels?

Who amongst us could not answer ‘yes’ to, at the very least, one of those?

I’ll even answer them for us, not one of us.

How do we get it?

A well-constructed Health & Fitness program will deliver those results.

This is the best time of year to get into one of these programs. Not only that but now is the time to capitalise on all your best intentions from those New Year’s Resolutions.

Go out and get yourself some advice for your desired direction.

If you are planning on going it alone then be careful not to over do it in the first couple of sessions.

It is easy in a new exercise program to do too much and injure yourself or perform a new movement with incorrect and probably ineffective technique.

That is one of the best reasons for you to seek professional advice.

If you are looking for professional advise, supervision and structure for your new program and the idea of being part of a health club sounds like it might be helpful to you then cast your eyes down to the Ad. below and come in to the club.

The program works, be part of it.

Carpe’ diem

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Copyright 1998 Pattaya Mail Publishing Co.Ltd.
370/7-8 Pattaya Second Road, Pattaya City, Chonburi 20260, Thailand 
Tel.66-38 411 240-1, 413 240-1, Fax:66-38 427 596; e-mail: [email protected]
Created by Andy Gombaz
, assisted by Chinnaporn Sangwanlek.