Desserts with dinner

Dear Hillary,
I have found recently that I have become very attracted to a waitress in our favorite restaurant. We go there every Friday night and I am sure she stands closer to me than she needs to, brushes the back of my arm when she serves me, and is always smiling and very attentive. It is really giving me much heartache. How do I find out if she really does find me attractive too? Obviously I cannot ask my husband about this, but I need to know before planning the next move. I should add that I am 40 years of age (but look younger) and I have never done anything like this before.
Claudia

Dear Claudia,
A waitress smiles at you and here you are “planning the next move.” A “move” that is nothing like anything you’ve done before. Oh my poor Petal! Don’t you realize that service people are trained to smile and give personal attention to the guests? That is their job. The good ones will always make you feel special, but you should not take that beaming smile to mean “How’s about a quick bit of what’s your fancy behind the desserts fridge?” You are eager to experiment I can see, but the place to do this is not in your favorite restaurant, Petal. That’s not heartache you’re experiencing, it’s lust. I suggest you look to the alternative relaxation places, rather than risk embarrassing yourself and your husband in an eating place, which is quite different from a meeting place.

Dear Hillary,
My girlfriend works in a shopping center and gets off around 11 p.m. most nights. The relationship is in the early stages, and we are not living together or anything like that. She says it is difficult for her to get time off in the evenings, as this is when the center is most busy, so this means I have to go to meetings and functions, dinners and the like all on my own. I have asked her to try and get some time off, but she says it would be better if I found another girl to take to these functions. This surprised me a lot, but she seemed quite at ease with the idea. Is this normal for Thai girls to do, or does this mean a cooling off in the relationship? I am more than a little confused.
No Dinner Date

Dear No Dinner Date,
Doesn’t look too good, Petal. No girl, Thai or otherwise say to go to dinner with someone else on anything that might be a regular basis. If they do, it is usually a relative or close friend that can be trusted who is selected for you. However, it could be a test of how strongly you feel towards her. If you feel it is worthwhile continuing this arrangement, then you will have to put up with going to functions on your own. If you are unsure, then it might be time to try another shopping center, Petal.

Dear Hillary,
The other morning I picked up my husband’s clothes which he had left in the bathroom, having been out for a night on the town with the boys. In the pocket there were some little diamond shaped blue pills. I did not say anything to him about this, as I didn’t want him to think I go through his pockets, but this has worried me. Are these the pills they call “ya ba”? I know there is a crackdown on all kinds of drugs at present. Do you think he is an addict and should I force him to go and see a doctor?
Worried Wilhelmina

Dear WW,
You are having me on, aren’t you, my Petal. Let me reassure you that illegal drugs such as Ya Ba do not come in neat blue diamonds, but the ones you have found are much more likely to be “Yah Hoo!” pills. These have been analyzed and are found to contain 3% Vitamin E, 2% Aspirin, 2% Ibuprofen, 1% Vitamin C, 5% Spray Starch and 87% Fix-A-Flat. Suggest you give him some condoms before his next boys’ night out and say, “These will go with your medication, dear.”

Dear Hillary,
They are doing alterations in my office building, and there is a little man coming in every day with a jack-hammer into the office next door to mine and it sounds as if he is drilling his way through to Indonesia. It is going on forever and it is giving me a giant headache. What can I do about this? Who should I complain to? Is this normal in this country? Will the city council do anything about it?
Headache

Dear Headache,
No it is not normal. Most people when going to Indonesia just catch a plane. Honestly, though, just talk to whomever ordered the work. Can the alterations be done at night? Can you take a week off work? In the meantime, wear ear muffs and smile a lot. Get a perverse pleasure out of making them think you like it. And no, City Hall have enough problems without your noisy one.