Hi Hillary,

I met my Thai wife in a bar in 2004. We are married and living in the USA. We will move back to Thailand soon. She speaks very good English now, and I speak better and better Thai. She works here in the US as do I. We are, and have been very happy. She has become an expert skier as we live in the mountains. Wonderful girl! She is 31 and I am 68!

R & N

Dear R & N,

Well thank you, Petals. It is good to get the other side of the coin flipped, even if it is generally in the minority. I am glad to see that your Thai wife has also used the six years to learn some new skills, such as English and skiing. However, I hope that you just watch, I think you’re just a little over the limit for snow skiing, even though you are not too old for some of the other exercises! And think of this as an advantage, when she turns 60 and gets the pension, you will only be 97.

Dear Hillary,

I have been married to my Thai wife for eight years and together for 10 years. We don’t live in UK but KSA, in fact my wife loves the Middle East, as I do, and we have worked very well together here. We go on hols to Thailand three times a year and occasionally visit UK and other countries. I am a very happy man and I know I have a diamond.

Homer

Dear Homer,

Yours was the second email on this subject to come in on the same day, dealing with the same situation, and at first I wondered if you were the same person as the letter above yours. However, living in KSA you are not likely to do much skiing, other than sand slides. I am pleased to hear that your marriage has been made in heaven, but you did not say how you met your little diamond, who is not a cubic zirconia. Knowing that might be an example for all the love-sick swains who write to me. All the best!

Dear Hillary,

My Thai GF no sooner finishes eating than she’s ready to go again. She’s as thin as a rake, but eats all the time. Her mates are all just the same, finish one round and they’re ready for the next. It gets me, I go out after the third course. What’s the secret, Hillary?

Wondering

Dear Wondering,

Is that “wondering” or “wandering” I wonder? What do you do between courses four and five? No, Petal, eating is more than just a meal for your Thai GF, it is a very social time when friends can get together and share the food. That can occur at any time of day or night, but the food they eat, such as the favorite som tam is not high in sugar and calories, so that’s why your GF remains thin. The chili also hurries the food through the system. As the TV program warns, “Don’t try this at home!” The real som tam can be far too spicy for foreigners.

Dear Hillary,

Everybody must know by now if they read you column that there is a difference between the girls who work in the bar and the girls who work in regular jobs. What you say is for us to look for female company from the regular job girls. What you don’t say is that the regular jobby ones can’t speak English, are difficult to meet or get to know, while the ones who work from the bars can speak English and are easy to meet and are easy to get to know. For my money, give me the bar girl every time.

Frank

Dear Frank,

How astute of you, my Petal! Yes, there are great differences, and even more than the ones you mention, even such things as educational level. If all you are looking for is some female company, then the bar is the right place, but the problem comes when the customer (guys like you) then falls in love with their English speaking, easy to meet and know girl, and forget the fact that they are customers, not boyfriends. Thai girls do not choose to work out of a bar unless they are looking for quick money, without having any necessary qualifications to put them in high salary jobs. They are using their looks, their (presumed) sexuality and their ability to get money from their customers. You are paying for a commodity by meeting the fees demanded. When you fall in love with someone who is used to being fully paid for, the relationship is not really on the emotional plane, but in the financial one. And like all business deals, you can get burned. And many like you do. As you wrote, “For my money, give me the bar girl every time.” And that’s what it is, Petal, your money and you are entitled to spend it any way you please, but don’t complain if you find it has all gone, and the girl’s “affections” with it. There is a phrase in business called ‘due diligence’. Apply it, Petal.