The
cover of What Do You Say When… states it is concerned with the reader
talking to people with confidence on any social or business occasion.
Considering for many expats, advancement in this society requires business
networking, I felt this rather slim volume (150 pages) could perhaps be of
use for some.
I believe that most of us began our adult lives being
somewhat shy, or in awe of the communications needed in the adult world, so
some sort of guide book should have a value.
Florence Isaacs, a lady who has apparently written nine
books, has written What Do You Say When… (ISBN 978-0-307-40528-9,
Clarkson Potter, 2009) and begins by pointing out that despite all the
electronic advances, “Yet cell phones and computers do not suffice to build
relationships, and they have eroded social skills.”
That being the case, author Isaacs suggests that the
readers should use the first two chapters to learn the conversation
strategies, chapters three, four and five to check for conversation openers,
chapters six and seven supplies conversation tips to make holidays more
rewarding, chapter nine gives differences between social and business
occasions and finally chapter 12 will tell you what to do at funerals and
when seeing people in ill health. Florence Isaacs states that the
information in the book “has already helped me to boost my own conversation
skills and confidence. My goal is now to help you improve yours.”
Chapter one begins with the scenario where you find you
have been seated next to Bill Gates at a dinner and proposes, “What do you
say?” I would imagine that most people would not be the instigator of any
conversation with Mr. Gates, and Mr. Gates would not be suffering from
performance anxiety, and he would begin the conversation. “Do you use
Windows 7,” would be an obvious starter from his side. However, you could
easily begin by asking, “What is coming next, in the operating system?”
I actually found this to be a very repetitive book, as
while social and business occasions could be thought of as very different,
from the point of communicating with one’s fellow man or woman, there is no
real difference. Obviously at a business dinner the opening gambits will be
different to those making first overtures in the dating game, but the
general principle is the same. Invite the person you wish to communicate
with to respond by asking open questions first and then let them reply. This
is hardly rocket science, but the individual chapters make it look as if
there are very different parameters to be applied. There aren’t.
At B. 595, even though it has hard covers, it is
difficult to recommend this book other than to someone who is almost
dysfunctional as far as communication is concerned. It is not a reference
book, and just because it mentions Tiger Woods and Winston Churchill as
being people who overcame their natural shyness to become celebrities it
does not have the holy grail between the covers. It does, however, point out
you learn more by listening than you do by talking!
