Happy Birthday
Four years on, and Pattaya Mail is now turning up in the most
exotic locations. A reader found one in the seat compartment of an airliner
flying from Vladivostok to Moscow, although he was disappointed to find the
crossword had already been filled in. It has also been spotted covering a supper
in an excellent Manchester fish and chip shop which puts the Thai weekly on a
par with the best of British journalism. “By gum, there’s nowt better than a
reet good read after a smashing supper!”
Dazzling smile
The world of dentistry is in mourning following the death of
Charlton Crest, 87, the inventor of Crest toothpaste who pioneered market
research by questioning professionals about their preferences in order to boost
sales. Seven out of ten parents agreed their children’s teeth were definitely
whiter, and four out of five dentists said they would be attending the funeral.
More wine there
Now that the floating baht is upon us, imported goods such as
wine will rise steeply in price. While current stocks last, the new Friendship
Supermarket in South Road (the Chinese temple style building) has an excellent
selection of French, German, American and Australian brand names. Connoisseurs
of the grape won’t be disappointed.
Stop thief
A farang couple hosted their house warming party in a luxury
Jomtien condominium. All the finest people turned up and there were lots of
smoked salmon sandwiches, caviar and excellent whisky. After the guests left,
the wife angrily said, “The cheek of them, they have stolen four forks and three
spoons!” Her husband asked which they were. “You know,’” she replied, “the ones
with ‘Oriental Hotel’ printed on them.”
Mary Mary quite contrary
A woman quiz player in the Pattaya trivia leagues has
dumbfounded the question setters by proving to them that Mary Tudor, rather than
Mary Queen of Scots, once said that Calais would be written on her heart if
anyone cared to conduct an autopsy after her death. The bright quizzer actually
produced for adjudication two encyclopedia entries where the correct Mary was
identified, much to the consternation of the question compilers who put down
their mistake to one too many vodkas and tomato juice. Off with their heads.
Cola wars
The latest insider information on the soft drinks front is
that Pepsi bottling plants in South East Asia are installing security cameras in
men’s restrooms and locker areas to check on petty theft and drugs abuse. Maybe
the idea is to abolish Coke once and for all.
Immigration warning
If your visa is on short over-stay, you will be charged 200
baht per day at the airport on departure. But what happens if you have to show
your passport to the police before you ever arrive there? You could, for
example, be involved in, or even just witness, an accident or you might have to
report a theft. You risk being arrested for breaking Thai immigration laws and,
at best, will be faced with an additional fine. If you really can’t avoid a
short over-stay, which can happen if planned flights are full, seek the advice
of the immigration bureau on Soi Eight. That way, you’ll avoid trouble.
Not another vicar
A sex scandal clergyman from Brighton is said to be seeking a
new position after getting into trouble with his ecclesiastical superiors over
lesbians getting pregnant. He said in a sermon, “These couples should become
pregnant by proper methods, like I did, rather than going into it willy-nilly.”
Tequila Bar
For all those Brits who often think of their mum’s homemade
pies, sausages and other English culinaries back in blighty, Tequila Bar in Soi
Diamond is offering British delicacies for reasonble prices.
