Volumes Of Rubbish
Among the discarded holiday season presents found on rubbish dumps around town are the following book titles: The History of Laundry in South East; Asia Pictorial; Introduction to the Pumping Stations of Thailand; The Vet’s Guide to Injured Animals on the Motorway; Liquidity in World Stock Markets 1989; Do Business in Pattaya and Make a Profit.
Heaven Sent
An elderly couple were wandering down Beach Road and looking aghast at the obvious signs of merriment and debauchery. They spotted a group of Farangs whose T-shirts were emblazoned with “The Religious Society of Saint George”. Delighted at first that there was still hope for Sin City, they then noticed what was written on the reverse side of the sweaters: “Annual Pattaya Pub Crawl 1997.”
Autopsy Please
In a downtown Phnom Penh market, a tourist was examining a fourteenth century baby’s skull priced at five dollars. Next to it was a slightly bigger skull priced at six dollars. ‘‘Why the difference?” enquired the tourist. The stall-holder explained that the second skull was of the baby when he was older. Case of Royal Cambodian Heirlooms?
Animal Frolics
A bar in Soi Post Office has a poster which shows an Aussie sheep sheerer looking with lewd intent at the ewe sprawled beneath him. A rather indignant couple were waiting for their egg and chips to arrive. “Isn’t that disgusting” exclaimed the wife. “Sure is”, replied the husband, “people like that deserve the cat.” Better paws for breath.
Weight Watchers
Good reports from Pattaya health freaks and fatties about the Silom Sauna, Soi Three, north end of town. For a charge of 120 baht, you can enjoy the steam room, sauna, gymnasium and snack bar. As the ticket is issued with a pass, you can come back later in the day to continue your exercise. Or to work off the heavy lunch you’ve just enjoyed.
Ticklish Question
A Farang entered one of Pattaya’s new foot massage parlours which seem to be doing excellent business. His friend went off for a beer and met him an hour later. “Did you enjoy it?” the friend asked. “Never even sat down,” was his reply, “I can’t bear anyone to touch my extremities.”
Sweat it out
Logos seen on T-shirts around town:
Retirement Was Invented In Thailand
You Don’t Have To Explain Yourself To A Beer
It Is Dangerous To Make Predictions, Especially About The Future
I Thought Short Times Were Boring Until I Got Married
Private Parts Are Not For Public Consumption.
A Prawn on your Piano is better than a Crab on your Organ
Standing Room Only
Britain’s overcrowded and privatised graveyards are now the embodiment of monetarism and marketing. According to that most sober publication Interment Monthly, a discount is offered if you die in the Low Season. Undertakers are also offering ten percent off if you “agree to be buried at a tilt”.
New Supermarket
Friendship Supermarket, well known for its selection of imported foreign supplies, has opened a big new branch near the old Day & Night department store in South Pattaya Road. Branston Pickle and Maritime freaks please note.
Christmas is Over
Can someone call IBC and tell them the festive season has finished. Watching CNN the company blocks all non- paying ads in Thailand and a pathetic animated Santa Claus takes the screen with the monotonous Jingle Bells screaming on audio. Lets hope by Easter it will cease.
High Season prices
Imported cigarettes have increased in many shops and petrol stations from 37 baht to 41 baht. Is it because of the high season or they have just gone up. Most filling stations on Sukhumvit Highway are at the old prices, as are most small shops around the bay. Lotus still offers a carton (200) at 340 baht making it 34 baht a pack. A Russian couple were charged 350 baht for a baht bus from the Royal Garden Plaza to the Royal Cliff Beach Resort last week. Could this be a record?