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Dear Hillary,

Please help me here. I have been here for a few years and I thought I knew the ropes. One night I took my brother to a few of the bars when he was up on holidays. I warned him about bar girls that can latch onto a good looking young fellow like him and I gave up worrying when he seemed able to handle them all pretty well. He did, but elder brother found himself chatting to the one girl all night, taking her from bar to bar and she’s still with me one week later. OK it was a bit of fun to start with, but I want to do something about this before it gets too serious. She seems like a nice person with the usual two kids being looked after by her mother, husband done a runner like they do. I’m not really ready for a serious live-in girl; I’ve been on my own for the past five years, so I can look after myself. So where do I go from here, Hillary?
Jonny

Dear Jonny,
Obviously, this girl struck a nerve with you, or perhaps even a “need” with you. As you say, my Petal, you’ve been here for a few years, living on your own, and now suddenly a bar girl has walked into your life. Was this the right girl at the right time, or the wrong girl at the right time, or the right girl at the wrong time? Without wishing to be too critical we are talking about a bar girl here. A lady who makes her living by getting men to donate to the cause - her! Some of you may dance up and down at that, but that is the real situation. She is fishing for gold. You are a “catch” Jonny. Time you wriggled out of the net. Pack up her toothbrush for her and show her the door.

Dear Hillary,
A couple of weeks ago you had one guy writing in about buying his new GF a motorbike. You suggested he buy it on HP and keep it in his name. Not such a good idea, Hillary, as he becomes liable all the time. Sure, pay the deposit, but let her be responsible for everything else, including the accidents. If it was me I’d give her a push bike and that’s all.
Pushy Peter

Dear Pushy Peter,
You’re all heart, aren’t you, but I can understand your motives, very much like the situation with Jonny in the letter above yours. The girl is making the most of the situation, while she can. Another one with a big fishing net, and not afraid to cast it out. Jump out now, Pushy Peter, before it is too late.

Dear Hillary,
I have been visiting Pattaya regulary (sic) for the past 12 years and love the place. Regretably (sic) the many financial crisises (sic) have deleted my funds and I can not afford to live in the palatial rooms I was accustomed to in your fair city. I was wondering if you have space in your penthouse for a respectable Aussie gentleman? I can not pay much rent but am willing to provide any services you may require.
Yours hopefully

Dear Hopefully,
Don’t hold your breath, my Petal. Don’t they teach English in Australia? Your spellings seem to come from Ethiopia. And “deleted your funds” or was that supposed to be “depleted your funds”? Goodness me, Hillary is a lady of letters, and if we were sharing my penthouse I could see me all day correcting your English. Now, why are your funds so low, after 12 years? Do you think you might come and spend mine - is that it? I am also a little worried as you describe yourself as a “respectable Aussie gentleman.” My friends tell me that the person you describe does not exist, but is a dream. You sound far too much of a risk for me, Platypus Petal. Sorry, I must decline your kind offer of “services”, whatever they might (have) been.

Dear Hillary,
The cost of living in Thailand has been going up alarmingly. Compared to when I was in Thailand 12 months ago, it seems as if everything has gone up at least 50 percent, and some items even more. Little roadside stalls that used to sell a decent plate of food for 20-25 baht are now charging 35-40 baht for the same dish. Even the items in the local fresh market are becoming expensive. How do you see this going when the AEC comes into being at the end of 2015?
Kevin

Dear Kevin,
I do agree with you, Kevin, but there’s nothing you and I can do about it. Every country seems to be going in the same direction. Rents are up, cost of houses is up, gasoline and diesel is up, bus fares are up. As far as the AEC (ASEAN Economic Community) is concerned, will it really happen? I don’t know, my Petal, I really don’t know, but I am the wrong one to ask. Speak to someone in the Chambers of Commerce!