A couple of weeks ago, one of your readers was complaining about getting massaged at the urinal. Peculiar this has never happened to me at the Hilton, Le Saigon, Bruno’s, La Bocca, Volterra, Sugar Hut, or Cabbages and Condoms. In fact it has never happened to me anywhere, but I confess not to being an idiot wasting time/money on bars and clubs. Why have you not asked the “Mama San” (or owner) rather than presume it happens at ‘gay’ places in the gents WC? For your benefit I have done a short google search and have discovered this for you. Tip to have it done or not have it done as you like. Perhaps you looked as though you needed to relax your prostate. http://www.travelingmanchild.com/1/post/2013/01/urinal-massage.html
Robert

Dear Robert,
As I wrote in answer to the reader’s problem, I don’t frequent male urinals and none of the bars I have been in have masseurs in the Ladies. Sorry, but this is one area I just don’t know! But thank you Robert, the URL was interesting!

Dear Hilary (sic),
Please allow me to correct Arnie in his letter to you, and you in your response to it. Firstly, is that Anna Leonowens was not American: she was British. And secondly Dear Hillary, is that the Rodgers and Hammerstein’s movie ‘The King and I’, is based on the fictionalized book ‘Anna and the King of Siam’ by Margaret Langdon (sic) and not Anna Leonowens; whose first book of Siamese memoirs was entitled: ‘The English Governess at the Siamese Court,’ and her second book: ‘The Romance of the Harem.’
I hope that this is of help.
Johnny Foreigner
Dear Johnny Foreigner,
Thais are not very good at history, and I am no exception it seems, especially after being subject to bans. Thank you for correcting me, but you should note that the author you refer to is Margaret Landon, not Langdon. And my name is Hillary, not Hilary (two ells). Shall we call it quits?

Dear Hillary,
Is the ability to turn on the waterworks part of the school curriculum here? You see it every day on the Thai soaps, weeping females after having been ditched by the on-screen boyfriend (who also is having it off with the “bad” female), and so it goes on with more floods of tears every episode. The soap is only mirror to real life. My Thai GF thinks she can get away with anything (including the latest cheating on me) if she can turn on enough tears. Well, tears or no tears, she’s out the door.
Jacob

Dear Jacob,
You’re not really asking for advice from me, are you Petal. You are looking for somebody to tell you that you are doing the right thing, aren’t you, Jacob? In personal problems such as yours, you have to make the decision, not Hillary.

Dear Hillary,
I married my Thai fiancée after a year of engagement. She is a professional lady and we have always done everything in a proper fashion. My wife is 15 years younger than me and this gives us a problem. When we go out, many foreigners assume that my wife must be, or have been, a bar girl even though she in no way acts like one. She has no tattoos or wears sexy dresses or even smokes. I realize that as high as 85 percent of all Thai-foreigner marriages are between bar girls and “sex tourists”, but this is not so for other 15 percent of Thai-foreigner marriages. Please tell your readers that not all Thai-foreigner marriages are between bar girls and “sex tourists”, and stop making false assumptions.
James

Dear James,
Now you’ve got all that off your chest, do you feel a little better, Petal? However, I think you have made a few false assumptions yourself too. Where did you get that figure of 85 percent of Thai-foreigner marriages are between bar girls and what you call “sex tourists”? Let me assure you that “sex tourists” do not come to Thailand to get married. That is why they are sex tourists - they want the fun in bed without the filling out forms fun at the local Ampur office. Honestly, James, 85 percent of Thai foreigner marriages are between people such as yourself and your wife. The foreigners who “look down” on you are the foreigners who are not in the marriage market, just the bar meat market. Ignore them, my Petal.

Dear Hillary,
I am sure you get asked this all the time, but are all the women in Thailand just on the make? Every one I have met and end up in a relationship with seems to have her hand into your wallet within days of arriving at the condo with a suitcase full of clothes. Or I should say an empty suitcase for me to fill with clothes. Then it is some to send to Mama, for her children. Is there one honest woman in Thailand?
Tired of being an ATM

Dear ATM with exhaustion,
Ladies who are willing to move in at the drop of a wallet are ladies from the bars. You know this before you begin. Look elsewhere for a relationship.