Dear Hillary,
I think of you whenever I cross past the sign of your new locale on Thepprasit Road. Wishing you caviar dreams, champagne and chocolate for your new year. Sadly, I am taken as you know.
Robert

Dear Robert,
Do I know you? I don’t think we have ever been formally introduced, but you sound like a nice man, wishing good dreams upon me. However, if you want to be a really, really nice man, then just drop off the caviar, champagne and chocolates at my new locale. Please mark clearly that the items are for Ms. Hillary, or the messenger will scoff them!

Dear Hillary,
I saw a couple of weeks ago some discussion as to whether Thai women “love” or are even capable of “love”. Here is why there are such differences in opinion - Thai women do not fall catastrophically in love, as do the foreign males. The male, having surrendered to this feeling called “love” goes blindly into the relationship from there. The Thai female, on the other hand, slowly develops a feeling, which we may call “love” for the want of a better name as the relationship matures. Men and women are quite different, and Thai females in particular! I have worked in this area of human relationships for many years, so I do know what I am talking about.
Bruce
Dear Bruce,
Oh I feel sorry for you, my Petal. Working in the field of human relationships till there is no emotional stone unturned. What happened to affairs of the heart, crimes of passion, lust and love? Especially love, spelled with a capital L? Are we Thai women all so predictable? You must live in a very lonely world, Khun Bruce, knowing every step that lies ahead. I would rather live in this world of delicious uncertainty, not knowing what someone will do next. I hope we never meet!

Dear Hillary,
They say you should never trust one of these Thai women. That’s for sure and certain, Hillary, so don’t argue with me on this. I’ve been married to one for around 10 years and this week I finally caught her playing up with some Thai guy. I’ve had my suspicions and began watching her and her “girl’s nights out”. She would come back after a trip to Bangkok and then say she had to collect some books from a friend and come back three hours later. Then she would say she was somewhere and she wasn’t there, but always had an excuse as to why not. Eventually I found her car outside a set of apartments and out she came, ringing me to say she was in the supermarket! That makes it the third time she’s cheated on me, so she’s out the door. Does anyone not agree? One thing’s for sure, I’ll never trust another one.
Joe

Dear Joe,
I am very sorry to read of your domestic problems, my Petal, but these things do happen, and in all countries too. When they took out the “honor and obey” in the marriage ceremony, many males blame the current situation on that, but that’s not true. Look at the history books and you’ll see lots of illegitimate children round the place, and they didn’t drop out of the sky either! Polygamy is legal in many countries, but also not accepted in other countries. So what can you do? In your case you’ve done it, and I am sure many readers would agree with what you have done. Just be careful next time. OK?

Dear Hillary,
After getting to know one of the bar girls quite well in my local beer bar, she asked me for some money to send to her mother as her daughter was sick and stays with her mother. It wasn’t much, only 5,000 baht and I really didn’t care if she repaid me or not. The only problem is she’s come back to me twice more since then and it’s starting to add up. It’s now 25,000 baht and that’s getting up a bit, even if she doesn’t charge me anything any more for short-times and stuff. How do I tactfully tell her that there’s no more loans and I’d like her to start paying back the money I gave her? And please no sermons, my buddies are good at doing that, but they’ve got no answers for me.
Cyril

Dear Cyril (the sucker),
The whole situation revolves around the phrase “the money I gave her”. She looks upon it as a gift, which you did originally, but now you want to change it into a “loan”. It’s a little late for that, my Petal. No matter how many short-times, as you quaintly put it, you are never going to see the 25,000 baht again. Sorry, but that’s the facts of life in Fun City. How do you tell her tactfully that the well has run dry? Quite easily, next time she asks, just say no. She won’t fall apart, she’ll just move on to the next customer. That is the occupation that these girls have chosen. They live by their wits and the guilty consciences of the suckers they fleece. Kiss it good bye, literally and metaphorically.