Dear Hillary,
I am a single, mature English lady who has lived in Pattaya for 3 months. My question is, why is it that you don’t see white ladies out with young Thai men? There are lots of old white men out with their Thai ladies but not the other way round. I know you can visit male go-go bars and get a handsome man for the evening but where do white ladies take their handsome Thai men? I would love to take a handsome Thai man out for a meal, a drink and dancing, and I’m sure there must be plenty of ladies like myself who would love to do this also, so how do I do it?
Perplexed

Dear Perplexed (of Pattaya),
Goodness me, my Petal, just where in England are you from? Some strange little village where the height of excitement is the Maypole dances, and that’s only once a year? What is stopping you taking your handsome Thai man anywhere? In some areas a white English lady would be looked upon as a bit of a prize, just like the trophy wives the English males have. I think you have some sort of psychological hang-up, and it is you who is afraid to be seen with a Thai man, not the other way round. Be brave, and let me know what happened after you took the public plunge! I am quite sure nobody will have thrown nasturtiums, or even aspersions.

Dear Hillary,
Last year I came over to Thailand for a holiday, and despite all the warnings, I bought a condominium for a girl and each month I would send her money (so she didn’t have to go back to the bar). Last month I found a supposed friend of mine from the UK staying in the condo with her. He was paying her too it turned out. Is it always like this?
Depressed

Dear Depressed,
It takes two to tango, and while you are bitter about your girlfriend, you should be more annoyed with the “friend” who betrayed you. I think it’s high time you selected both your men friends and your girlfriends more carefully. The local girls who work in bars live by their wits. Don’t forget that, Petal.

Dear Hillary,
After saving for three years, I have been on an extended holiday here in Thailand for the past six weeks and will be going back home in two weeks time. I have had a delightful guide and non-complaining companion who I found in a bar in Pattaya who has been with me for all that time, and I have looked after her well in return including a weekly allowance of 15,000 baht for her to spend on anything she wants. I would like to give her something when I leave for her to remember me by, and want you to suggest something that she will like. Please keep the suggestions within a reasonable budget. I am not a Cheap Charlie but it is the end of my holidays.
Charles

Dear Charles,
What do you really expect me to say, my Petal? Why not buy her a house, a motorcycle and a year’s free veterinary bills for the family buffalo? You’ll be able to get all that for under five million. And since you don’t want to appear as a Cheap Charlie, throw in a house for Mamma and Papa as well. That’s another 800,000 baht as houses are cheap up-country. Come down from the clouds, you have had the services of a ‘mia chow’ (rented wife) for the past six weeks, for which you have already paid 60,000 baht a month which is well above the going rate. She will remember you by whatever you have bought her until it has been converted into folding currency (“He was the nice farang man who bought me this gold chain which I am now taking back to the gold shop”). Spend your money on yourself.

Dear Hillary,
The other night in the bar we had a discussion whether Thai females are romantic. I say that they are, but my drinking buddies all say not. They said that all they are interested in are large amounts of gold, and the larger the better. Surely there are still some gals out there who appreciate roses and chocolates (apart from you, Hillary)? I need you to back me up here, Hillary.
Ross

Dear Ross,
Chocolates and roses are nice, Petal, but I prefer champagne and chocs. Of course there are romantic ladies left in Thailand, other than myself. It sounds to me as if your drinking buddies are looking for ladies from the wrong watering holes. The professional ladies who come to the surface with the buffalos in tow are certainly only looking for gold. That is their business, their profession (and an old one at that). However, by looking in the universities, offices and even department stores, you will find ladies who appreciate being appreciated. You are correct, Robert. Your friends are taking too narrow a sample to base their findings. You don’t have rose colored glasses. Your drinking buddies are looking at life through beer glasses.