Dear Hillary,
Have a big problem with the GF (Thai of course). Playing around behind my back when I’m at work. Not doing it for money because I give her enough each month (30K) and she generally has money left over. I just can’t get my head around why she does it. She says she’s happy with me and denies playing around, but my mates have seen her working out of a bar on Beach Road. What’s my next step Hillary?
Brian

Dear Brian,
Too few details for me to be specific. How long have you been together? Did she come from a bar in the first place? If your friends can find her so easily, why don’t you go to the bar on Beach Road and see for yourself? Make sure, however, that she’s not just visiting friends if she came from that bar in the first place. And it is all very well saying you give her 30K “salary”, but does she have enough to do while you are at work? Start collecting facts, my Petal, and not rumors from your friends.

Dear Hillary,
A friend of mine got picked up by the police the other night in one of their roadside check points. She had her helmet on, all the paper warfare for the bike and carrying no drugs thank you very much. Fined 200 baht! For what? I am told this is a common occurrence. Any ideas?
Jack and Jill

Dear Jack and Jill,
I wasn’t there, so I can’t really comment, can I? It is a common occurrence I am told, but since I don’t ride motorcycles I have never had this problem. I do ride a motorcycle taxi to get across Thepprasit Road as it is far too dangerous for me to cross over to the noodle shop from the office. I liked the old office better as there was a noodle shop next door.

Dear Hillary,
How much do I need to spend each month to live nicely in Pattaya. I know that since it is an international resort for tourists it might be a bit more expensive than up-country. It would be just for me as I don’t intend having any live-ins or anything like that. I am 58 years old and have retired early.
Will

Dear Will,
There’s quite a few books on this subject, Petal, including one from our own Dr. Iain (Farang The Sequel). To live at a decent standard, eating at restaurants and the odd bottle of wine (make it Veuve Clicquot and I’ll join you), movies and a reasonable condo, look at 100,000 baht a month. Of course, if you own your own condo you can make that monthly figure a lot less.

Dear Hillary,
It is school holidays and the cinemas don’t show children’s movies? Is there some Thai reason for this, or just not thinking ahead? It beats me. I have three children 8, 10 and 12 and there’s no movies for them?
Dad

Dear Dad,
Thank you for bringing this to my attention. Not having a tribe of rug rats to entertain during school holidays, this is something that never occurred to me. Hopefully the cinema management people might see this and will realize how much money they are losing by not catering for children.

Dear Hillary,
If the Thai women are as grasping as it would seem, reading the letters on your page, how come they are still in the business? Surely if they were all that bad, word would have gotten out by now. I get the impression that they’ve been given a bad name and it has stuck. Sure there has to be a few rotten apples, but am I correct that the bad ones are a small percentage only?
Puzzled

Dear Puzzled,
It is not correct of me to comment on the bar girls as a group, but there is certainly a good percentage of them out for what they can get. Certainly these are the ones whose men ‘friends’ end up writing to me. Provided the male holidaymaker understands the ground rules, everyone is a winner. But it is the men who mistake financial arrangements for romance who fall for the “I lub you too mut, tee rak.” There are enough books out there, there are enough internet sites out there about this side of a Thai holiday, and the heart-rending advice from yours truly as well. Nobody should be puzzled, Petal. Not even you.

Dear Hillary,
I have become friends with a couple of Thai girls through Facebook and we are contacting each other every day, and they seem to have excellent English. I have never been to Thailand but I am now looking at a holiday there. Both the girls say they want to “look after” me when I come over. I don’t want to disappoint one of them, and honestly I don’t know which to choose as they look drop dead gorgeous in the photos. Any suggestions?
Facebook Phil

Dear Phil,
You have been snared in the net - and that’s not the internet. Local girls do not have excellent English, and they want to look after your wallet, not you. Run!