Dear Hillary,
Last week you had another tale of woe from someone who found out that their Thai wife had been having an affair after 10 years. That’s not so surprising, as in the west we have the “Seven Year Itch”, so it is likely that the same happens here, but Thailand’s women are three years behind. Do you agree, Hillary?
John

Dear John,
You are using some false statistics, my Petal. Not all straying away from the western marital bed occurs at exactly seven years, just as the same can be said about Thai marriages at 10 years. All that you can say is that after many years, either partner can stray (yes, John, husbands as well as wives, and probably even more so). A sad statistic for many, but by continuing to build on any relationship is needed as time goes on. Think about it.

Dear Hillary,
Given the uncertainty about the origins, and the ambiguity about when or if its usage is derogatory, I wonder that you can’t find a suitable English word that would suffice instead of Farang. Are you really unaware that visitors from other countries are often called foreigners? I don’t think that a little more of the ‘Queens English’ would do any harm at all.
Regards,
Johnny Foreigner

Dear Johnny Foreigner,
What word would you like me to use? Ex-pat? Pale-faced round eyed foreigner? Overseas visitor? The word “Farang” is understood here in Thailand, so there is no ambiguity. I do not believe it is a word of derision. Many Thais are wary of westerners, and ‘Farang’ just refers to the fact that the person is a white round eye. There is a difference between ‘farang’ and ‘foreigner’, and you should know that.

Dear Hillary,
I hope you are well, and have lots of champagne in the fridge, and maybe some chockies as well. I’m sorry I can’t deliver any goodies in person as I am in Kazakhstan and freezing my you know what’s off. Minus 50 degrees at night. This is not a place for red-blooded males like me, I tell you. When I get back to Thailand in about three months time, I will be looking for the places with hot action. Where do you suggest Hillary?
Kazakh Ken

Dear Kazakh Ken,
Lots of places you can come and thaw out, but I’ll let you know when the champagne arrives. You can hand carry from K’stan OK.

Dear Hillary,
Hooray for printing the letter showing that there are just as many good westerner-Thai marriages as the other way, but we aren’t so noisy about it. You’re probably right when you say that because we’re not having problems, we don’t think about writing in. My Thai wife and I have been married for almost 30 years and we spent half that time in the States and the other half of the time we’ve lived here, where we are at present. Sure we’ve had fights and arguments, but doesn’t everybody? The next day it’s OK again. She’s been my best buddy as well as my wife, and provided you don’t dash off to the village with the first Thai girl you meet, you have every good chance of having a great rewarding life like Lek and myself have had.
Eugene

Dear Eugene,
Thank you, my Petal, for your happy and uplifting letter. It will make all the other successful western-Thai marriage partners feel good. With divorce statistics in the west being around 50 percent of first marriages, you probably have a better chance of long term success in Thailand, than in the US anyway.

Dear Hillary,
We have some friends coming over from the UK at Xmas, and normally I’d be delighted to see them, as they are old and dear friends, but this time we will be in the middle of shifting house and I don’t think I’d be able to look after houseguests at the same time, as I used to. The children will be back from boarding school and it’s all too much. How can I put our English friends off? Nicely without offending them? They have been coming every year for the last five years and staying with us.
Babs

Dear Babs,
I can sympathize with you in this predicament, which happens to a lot of ex-pats resident here, but it’s easy to get over this problem. Just explain to your friends that you can’t give them a bed this time, because of the shifting in, but suggest that you’ll find them a little hotel close by for around GBP 30 a night (B. 1,000). They won’t be offended - we’ve all been through the problems with shifting, especially as these are old friends. I also suggest you contract out the shifting to one of the professional removals people. They come in, pack everything, take it to the new house and then unpack everything and place the items where you want - but please have an idea just where you want the wardrobes before the truck arrives! I have used JVK International Movers myself when changing from one attic to another, and nothing was broken.