Dear Hillary,
My Thai GF has her cousins staying with us at present. They all seem nice enough people, but every morning as I go to work I have to step over them sitting on the floor eating some mush they call food out of a common bowl, which surely isn’t too hygienic. Then I have to walk around the old woman with the som tum motorbike and sidecar with what must be the second course, and that doesn’t look to healthy either. Is this the usual Thai way, or is there something wrong with them? Makes me a bit worried about my relationship with the Thai GF as she goes along with them. I don’t want to live like that.
George

Dear George,
How long have you lived here, Petal? Not long by the looks of it. And does your Thai GF and her family come from Isaan? I think so! What you are describing is the ‘normal’ Thai village life. I realize this is different from Western ideas of tables and chairs, which have been adopted by the Bangkok Thai people, but up-country in the villages they have a more traditional life style, and don’t get hung up on separate spoons for everyone and such. I would suggest you try joining them at floor level and see what it is like, but I do understand many farangs cannot fold their legs up under them! I really feel it is time for you to do some research into life in Thailand, if you are going to live here for any length of time. Stepping OVER people is also a no-no!

Dear Hillary,
What should I get for my Thai girlfriend for Valentine’s Day? I am not sure if it is a big deal over here, but it certainly is in the UK. You send cards and flowers, and often don’t sign the card and see if she guesses just who sent it. What do you suggest? We have been an item for three months.
James

Dear James,
Considering that your email got to me AFTER February 14, my suggestion is that you buy a calendar for yourself first, and a big bunch of roses with a big excuse for her second. However, just in case you were asking about St. Valentine’s Day 2014, you won’t go wrong with dinner, champagne and roses. By that stage you will have been an “item” for 15 months, and you will know if it is worth having a big spend. But get your act into gear first, Petal.

Dear Hillary,
What possesses all these chaps who write to you having put houses and cars in their wife’s name, and they say “Thank you very much” and then sell the lot under their noses? Why? They don’t do that sort of idiot thing in their own countries. Has me beat, and so many of them do it.
Jeremy

Dear Jeremy,
On application for a visa to enter Thailand, there is another piece of paper to be signed, which signifies that the person applying for the visa must leave his brain at the airport. Many do not realize that this is optional, and sign and leave the brain in one of the special lockers at Suvarnabhumi. This goes a long way to explaining this. As you so correctly point out, they don’t do this at home, but do here. I have given you the answer, it is because at home they still have their brains, but only here do they leave them at Immigration (just ask the Immigration policeman and he will show you the locker area). See, simple explanation for something people think is so strange, including you, my Petal!

Dear Hillary,
I am looking at retirement in Thailand. I have been there a couple of times before on holidays, and I like the climate and the living over there. Should I buy a house or a flat (condominium)? There is just me, my wife having died some years ago. Some people I have met over there say a house, while others say a flat. I suspect that they had one for sale, and that is why I thought you might be able to give me an unbiased advice.
Harvey

Dear Harvey,
I am not a real estate agent, Petal, but I do know one thing - you are not allowed to buy a house in your own name, but you can own a condominium in your own name. This is where many first-timers come a cropper. House goes in some Thai person’s name and you have lost control of it. Goodnight and goodbye!
These are life-changing events, Petal. What you should do is to leave your money in your home country (in a bank, not in a sock under the bed) and come over here and live for six months, renting. In that six months you will be able to find out just how you can get around the foreign ownership problem, and also see if this is really where you want to be in your old age. Don’t rush into anything, and don’t hitch your wagon to the first girl who says, “Hello sexy man.”