What did we learn from the European GP in Valencia?

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Well, we learned that despite KERS, DRS or any other acronym, Valencia remains the most boring race of the year (although don’t hold your breath, Singapore is coming).  However, there may be change in the wind.  Our Bernie (the patron saint of garden gnomes) was very cagey when asked directly whether Spain should get two GPs.  There may be light at the end of the tunnel (or the Valencia opening bridge which opens every night – as if I cared) and we won’t have to endure another two boring hours, but if we do, perhaps the FIA can schedule the race closer to bed time…

I must point out that I am not alone.  Our Editor at Large, John Weinthal, situated in Malaysia, watched the race and wrote, “May we together save F1.  The FIA clearly has no clue.  Our commentators rabbitted on about classic, drama filled, nail biting etc etc Valencia.  Oh yeah?  Something got lost in the ether twixt Spain and Malaysia is all I can conclude.  Only one person might ever stay awake through a replay:  Vettel’s Mum.”

Thank you John.  So, forgetting the sheer bum-numbing boredom of it all, Sebastian (The Finger) Vettel (Red Bull) did it again, and did it easily.  He played the full hand – pole, led all the way, fastest lap and the girlish screams at the end.  I imagine that the next step in F1 will be the drivers jumping all over each other and kissing and hugging, one of the reasons I don’t watch soccer.

Alonso (Ferrari) did put in a sterling (peseta?) performance in front of his home crowd to bring the Ferrari home in second.  Third placed Mark Webber (Red Bull) was quoted before the race that he considered Alonso to be the most complete driver on the grid.  Alonso’s drive on Sunday showed it.  Alonso has matured.

Mention must be made of Jaime Algywotsit who brought his Roaring Tosser into eighth place in front of the Spanish crowd.  His best place all year, but it will not be enough to keep him at Toro Rosso next year.

Michael Schumacher (Mercedes) went from being the hero in Canada to an absolute also-ran in Valencia.  Clouted Petrov’s Renault and had to change his front wing, rejoining in 17th, where he stayed till the end.  What’s more, he compounded the ignominy by saying, “I locked the front wheel and slipped into him, which was clearly my mistake.”  The old Schumi would never have uttered “my mistake.”  It is clearly time he retired.  The other Mercedes driver trundled round and was rarely seen on TV, but after the race was shaking hands with himself, saying, “I’m happy with my seventh place today as that is the maximum that we could have achieved and we got everything out of the car.”  It is time young Rosberg raised the bar for himself.  Happy with seventh!  So help me!  Mercedes is rapidly turning into today’s Toyota or Honda.

As for the rest?  Down with Schumi in the also-rans.  Yawnnnnnnnn.

Returning to John Weinthal’s suggestion that together we save F1, since the FIA has no clue, here is a very workable idea.  Get rid of those gigantic snow-plough front wings.  In any close encounters, the very wide wing must get knocked off.  The racing will not be interrupted with pit stops to change noses, and the teams will save money in the repair bills.  I’m sure there’s lots more we can do, but I’ll let the FIA digest that suggestion first.

The UK GP at Silverstone next weekend.  That should be a good race, even without the acronyms.