Dear Hillary,
I’m getting close to getting married to my little girl, but
I’m just a wee bit confused about the amount of money I’m supposed to give the
outlaws. I’ve asked around my mates and I get all sorts of answers, none of
which make much sense. The amounts range between 100,000 (which I can afford)
and one million (which I can’t afford). What is reasonable, Ms Hillary?
Con
Dear Con(fused),
You have not given me enough details Con, my Petal. If
your “little girl” has no children and never been married before, and comes from
a well-off family, the amount of the dowry is quite different from an older lady
with two children and two previous husbands from Isaan.
Village families will expect a dowry, but usually this is
returned to the couple (less a few baht for Lao Khao, roasted chickens, a couple
of pigs on the spit and several bottles of JW Red). City families are generally
not so traditional. So you are probably none the wiser. I suggest you ask your
intended bride. You should be able to discuss everything with her before you get
married, including your marital history and what you have in the bank! If you
are getting “close to getting married” as you say, clear all these points up
first, before you make a very big mistake.
Dear Hillary,
Have you been clubbing recently? Some of the new clubs are
spectacular and the lighting/sound systems are terrific. The girls that go
clubbing also look terrific, but they don’t want to mix with us. A couple of the
guys and myself have been to clubs in Bangkok and Pattaya, but come away
empty-handed every time. The Thai women seem more interested in each other than
they are with getting to know foreigners. Is this the usual scene?
Jack and the lads
Dear Jack and the lads,
You didn’t do your homework first, did you now. While the
clubbing scene is all laser lights and thumping beat music and attracts girls
like bears to honey, clubbing is expensive. The girls that go clubbing are well
off, and are not there to be picked up, they are there to be seen. One night
stands are well catered for at the other end of the market, which is where you
should be looking, Petal.
Dear Hillary,
I work in an office as a teacher but I am going nuts about
one of the women in the office who is screaming and yelling and giggling all
day, every day. There’s just one of me and seven of the Thai women. On their own
they are nice people, but all in one room, it is bedlam, and it is this one girl
that starts it all off, and keeps it going. I have thought about having a word
with her, but now I’ve found out that she is the owner’s daughter. So where do I
go from here, Hillary? Any sensible suggestions?
Jerry
Dear Jerry,
Your problem is very easy to fix. Where do you go?
Straight down the road to the employment agency. You cannot change a group of
Thai women from chatting and laughing together. That is how we relate to each
other, Petal. And when one of them is the boss’ daughter, how far do you think
you will go? Push too much and you are the one who will be pushed - out the
door. No, maintain your dignity, and look for alternative employment, and don’t
forget that you will need a new work permit when you do change jobs.
Dear Hillary,
I need your advice urgently, Hillary my Petal! I know I
should have known better, after all I am not new to this country, but there I
was at my usual bar and met this vision of loveliness. She spoke very little
English but seems like a very genuine person and we got along just fine. She
comes from Udon Thani, but that’s about all I managed to find out about her
after about four hours and several “lady drinks”. The biggest problem was only
that she doesn’t speak much English, but we got by OK. By the end of the night I
was pretty drunk and I ended up lending her 5000 baht, which she was going to
return three days later. It’s now a week later and I haven’t heard from her.
What should I do? Should I go back to the bar and ask for my money? Should I
keep going, or should I give up now before I get in too deep?
Nelson
Dear Nelson,
You’ve got the telescope to the blind eye. Haven’t you!
After four hours of lady drinks you give this “vision of loveliness” 5,000 baht.
How were you communicating with your vision? It wasn’t English, according to
you, so I presume it must have been in Braille. That is 5,000 baht you will
never see again. But look at it this way - there is a very grateful buffalo up
there in Udon Thani thinking about you. And by the way, I am not your Petal,
Petal!
