Fawlty Finances, part 2

After a decade in which the concept of the ‘mass affluent’ became the buzz words in the ‘retail strategy’ for quite a number of banks - many of whom then began to boast of offering a more specialised service for this ‘category’ of people - most clients of upmarket banks now ‘find themselves talking to a call centre if they’re not careful’ according to one senior private banking analyst. Just as investors, sucked in by the bull markets of the late 1980s and throughout the 1990s, started to think that these halcyon conditions could prevail indefinitely, private banks’ business strategies increasingly centred on what had become the banking Holy Grail - portfolio management. High Street banks set up wealth management divisions and clients’ capital was placed in ‘buy and hold’ equity funds (which were then somewhat neglected) and balanced portfolios without the need to invest heavily in genuine market expertise - according to London-based private client specialist, Michael Maslinski.
Maslinski goes on to say, ‘As long as these banks could keep slicing, say, 1.00% a year from clients’ equity portfolios, they were happy. The markets would keep going up, and their profits would too. The economic basis of the industry was based on that simple fact. The attraction of the equity market strategy for banks was compelling. To take just one telling example: in a six-month period between late 1997 and mid-1998 the German Neuer Market - the country’s high-tech bourse - put on 1,200 points, a staggering amount. Around the world, developed markets were performing similarly. For a private bank, such increases translated into instant, no-brainer profits and allowed them to extend their largesse to individuals far further down the wealth scale than they had dealt with before. Banks did not have to offer real, impartial, investment expertise and could push clients into in-house investment funds or easily selected best of breed funds instead.’
In other words, private banking wasn’t really very private at all. As long as equity markets were doing well, all clients money could simply be invested by the banks into equities irrespective of their risk and liquidity appetites - unfortunately this state of affairs cannot prevail indefinitely and the result was some very disappointed clients, some major damage to banking reputations and a recognition that private banking needed to be more akin to the bespoke Absolute Return Portfolios managed by such companies as Miton Optimal.
Regular readers of this column know that I have been harping on about debt for some time now. This has now been confirmed, yet again, by a poll conducted by IVA.co.uk (the agency set up in 2005 to provide advice and support to people coping with credit issues and to help the public understand Individual Voluntary Agreements with creditors). More than a third of all people surveyed are also more worried about debt than terrorism, healthcare or the environment. And around one in ten people said personal debt was the single most important issue facing the UK. 80% said that they believed that unsecured loans are too easy to obtain, while two thirds believe that it is also too easy to become insolvent. Personal insolvencies in England and Wales rose 4.2% in the latest quarter compared to the same period of the year before, government figures have shown and bankruptcies were up 7.7% on the same period of 2006. “The relationship between debt and income in Britain is now roughly at a 160% ratio, which is the highest it has ever been in our history, and the highest in the developed world, and that’s partly a product of the deregulation of credit,” according to Liberal Democrat shadow chancellor Vince Cable, who obviously also shares our concerns.
Further support comes from other managers. Much to our horror, we’ve found someone who’s more miserable about all of this than ourselves - no I’m not talking about Marc Faber with whom we regularly vie for the title of the most pessimistic economic analyst in Thailand, but a new frontrunner in the maudlin stakes - Blue Planet Worldwide Financials Investment Trust manager Ken Murray has announced that the financial markets are entering the worst banking crisis in decades and the stock market is set to fall by another 20 percent.
Actually that only ranks him alongside us as we have already made both of those claims but at least it’s getting cosier here in the smelly stuff with more and more new arrivals by the day.
Specifically, Ken Murray warns liquidity issues are causing continuing problems in the money markets and that banks are increasingly unwilling to lend to other banks, especially ones that they perceive to be risky - “We are entering one of the greatest banking crises in decades. The credit cycle has turned, bad debts are soaring, banks will go bust and stock markets will fall much further. People need to be told the truth as opposed to being spoon fed palliative words.”
I wish that we’d put it like that! And I wish that we’d said that the “conveyor belt of death” - loans drawn down with cash going out and being replaced by highly illiquid, poor quality assets - will “suck the liquidity” out of investment banks and fill their balance sheets with bad debts, with “one or more of them becoming insolvent in the near future.”
We remain worried, very worried about the individual, local and global social and economic impact and don’t see any happy ending to this story. Putting it simply, someone sometime is going to want their money back and when they can’t get it then there is going to be a problem - a very large problem.
It’s always been a great time to be rich and to our mind capital preservation and growth demand highly skilled personal service befitting someone’s life savings, however much the amount in question is. Rather than segmenting the market, we’d like to think it’s a great time for anyone to have means at their disposal to take control over their financial future and achieve levels of security and fulfilment that should be widely available. But maybe we’re old-fashioned in that respect?

The above data and research was compiled from sources believed to be reliable. However, neither MBMG International Ltd nor its officers can accept any liability for any errors or omissions in the above article nor bear any responsibility for any losses achieved as a result of any actions taken or not taken as a consequence of reading the above article. For more information please contact Graham Macdonald on [email protected]@mbmg-international.com.com

Snap Shots: by Harry Flashman

The lens makes all the difference

Would you pay 2,000 baht for a camera, and 10,000 baht for the lens? Sounds stupid, I know, but I would. When you boil everything down to basics, the lens is the final arbiter of the final image, not the camera.
Just what is a camera? Sounds too simple, but in actual fact, no matter what you pay for a camera, the basics are all the same. There is a light-tight box with film or an electronic sensor plate in it, and there is a piece of glass at the front that can be used to focus images onto the sensor. The rest is fancy stuff to work out exposures, but the simple light through glass to sensor is the same for every camera. Digital or film, makes no difference. It’s just the same.
One of the questions professional photographers get asked is, “What lens would you use to shoot a (insert the subject)?” However, the lens depends upon many factors, and the subject being shot is only one of them!
In some instances, you can almost get the identical looking shot of the subject with a 28 mm lens, a 50 mm or a 135 mm. By now you are saying, why have all these different lenses if the shots look all the same? The essential word here was “almost” the same. There will be tell-tale differences and it is these differences that make or break your photographs.
Right then, let’s get down to some examples. You are on a tropical beach and you want the blue skies over the sea type of picture. Unfortunately, the sky is only pale blue. What to do? The lens to use to increase the blue colour of the sky is the widest angle lens you have in the bag. How does this work? Simple, you are taking an enormous area of sky with the wide angle and compressing it into the small 35 mm negative or electronic sensor. Compressing all that sky increases the depth of the colour and makes it more blue than it really was!
Another example, you have just bought a car and want to send a photo of it to your relatives at home. You want them to be jealous. You want it to appear as imposing as possible. What to do? Leave the wide angle lens on and get down low and close to the car. Look through the viewfinder and the car suddenly looms large and powerful above you. The closer you get, the more it looms above you. Click! It is in the bag and on its way to impress the folks back home.
This time you want to take a photograph of your house. Unfortunately there is a rubbish dump at the back, and no matter what angle you take it from there are piles of rubbish in the background. This one is even easier to get over. Use a long lens (135 mm and upwards) and take the shot. With the short depth of field available with the longer lenses, the rubbish dump will turn into a nice blurry, soft, out of focus background, and no one will ever know you are living in Soi Garbage.
What about a nice close up of your favorite painting you bought? Another “genuine” Sunflowers by Van Gogh. Will you use a close-up lens, the wide angle setting on the zoom lens? No, you should use the telephoto long lens and stand back. If you go in close with the wide angle you will get distortions at the edges and strange shadows across the canvas because you physically get in the way of the light. With the long lens there is less distortion and the light will fall evenly across the picture.
Mind you, there are times when the subject being shot does dictate the lens you would use. Let me assure you that when photographing rampaging tigers I would use the longest lens in the world. A close up lens to photograph its dental work would not be my idea of fun!
So there you are, think about the effect you want, as well as the subject matter when deciding what lens to choose.

Modern Medicine: by Dr. Iain Corness, Consultant

Flying Cattle Class for Xmas?

Are you going back to visit the relatives this Xmas-New Year? Are you flying business class? If not, are you likely to suffer from the Economy Class syndrome? Are you about to be struck down?
Getting right down to tin-tacks, the Economy Class Syndrome is just a fancy title for a Deep Vein Thrombosis, or put even more simply, a blood clot in a deep vein in the legs. We shorten this to DVT because we medicos like acronyms, and what’s more they’re easier to spell than the long names.
Now what has to be properly understood is that the Economy Class Syndrome (or DVT as I shall refer to it from now on) is not something that is confined to air travel, and to the rear half of the plane in particular. DVT’s occur in many places, including in hospitals in the post operative period. In fact, the latest figures from Australia would indicate that 50 percent of people who have orthopedic surgery are in the running to get a DVT. Even 20 percent of general surgery patients are in line for this condition.
And this gets me back to my protection against DVT. This is in the form of daily medication, prescribed for me by the new generation’s hope for salvation, the young Dr. Jonathan Corness, a new breed medico about whom I am very proud - but I digress. Dr. Jonathan prescribed one of the oldest medications in the world for me - Aspirin. So why would this up-to-the-minute medico prescribe something as old hat as Aspirin? Quite simply, because it works!
In therapeutic doses to stop headaches and relieve arthritis, we are looking at something between 300-600 mg four times a day for most people and Aspirin works well here; however, at that dosage you run the risk of upsetting your stomach, to actual bleeding and ulceration. There are also people who show allergic reactions to Aspirin, from asthma right the way through to anaphylactic shock and death! Yes, this is potent medicine, even if it is as old as the hills and available at your friendly local convenience store.
However, there are other conditions for which Aspirin is the drug of choice, and not in the big doses either. We are talking here of 100 mg doses taken once a day only. This way the chances of allergy/asthma and gastric bleeding are greatly reduced. What the Aspirin does is work on the aggregation of platelets. This is where the red blood cells sort of form into clumps and these become clots and are the start of the Deep Vein Thromboses (DVT’s). And this is what happens in the Economy Class Syndrome, if you are unlucky.
Now medical science has found that by taking 100 mg of Aspirin daily you lower your chances of heart attack, something much higher on my personal risk table than Economy Class Syndrome. You see, clotting can occur in many areas of the body, and a clot in the coronary arteries can be extremely life threatening. And life shortening! And yet so easily avoided, with one little tablet every day. You can buy baby Aspirin, but I used “Cardiprin” - this is more expensive, but comes in a push-through calendar pack, which gets me to remember to take it better than just a bottle of tablets on the breakfast table.
Now getting back to flying, the secret to health in the air is purely to maintain good circulation and avoid dehydration. To maintain circulation to the lower legs you should get up and walk around the plane once every hour. Simple. Dehydration is easy to fix - drink more water, not more alcohol! That’s it!

Learn to Live to Learn: with Andrew Watson

On the Road Again

The day could not have been more spectacular.

Back from autumnal Paris with a spring in my step, there was hardly a moment to catch my breath before I was off to Venice, as my mid-season road trip, or in this case boat trip, continued. It had been twenty years since I was last in this watery paradise.

The heavenly Rialto.
The intransigent, indefatigable beauty of Venice washes over you like a warm breeze as you emerge from the Stazione Ferroviaría Santa Lucia. On its own, this is an amazing experience, like walking into a Canaletto painting. No surprise, then, to learn that this Venetian artist was the son of a theatrical scene painter. It’s all so improbable. Suddenly, you’re a player on the stage, albeit a ripple in a great wave of spontaneous awe. There’s a Grand Canal where you expect a road and a “Vaporetto” instead of a bus. Buildings rising from the water echo the opulence of the “Settecento” (1700’s), whilst the constant slapping of water against their foundations, remind them, perhaps, of their increasing impermanence. Even in Venice, nothing lasts forever. Everywhere I go these days, it seems that the vulgar impulse to own some small part of this infinite beauty pollutes the purity of the experience. I’m not entirely sure where it comes from, but I reject it out of hand. Anyway, Venice, we are told, is sinking, so I’m not sure how useful a sub-marine apartment would be.
The day could not have been more spectacular. Not a cloud was there in the sky as our double-decker train journey coursed easily along the southern banks of the Alps, tips touched with icing sugar, sweet and easy on the eye. Through literary history we passed, first Verona, then Padua. Verona, just past the divine Lake Garda, has, as you might imagine, considerably more to it than just a couple of gentlemen. Here, in the spiritual home of the world’s most celebrated love story, is the famous balcony of Juliet at Villa Capuleti, a stone’s throw from Italy’s third largest amphitheatre. The city looks fantastic and the aesthetic sensation is enhanced by Veronese churches with their distinctive alternating layers of white stone and bricks. But half an hour later we passed Padua, nestled neatly on the Bacchiglione River, home of Shakespeare’s shrew, Kate. Looking across from the tracks, it was possible to make out the dense network of narrow streets converging on the central piazza.
I should perhaps mention our luxuriant mode of transport. For all Italy’s passable imitations of a “Pineapple Republic”, with its apparent utter lack of any semblance of public service and absolutely no accountability or transparency, it is also full of the most wonderful and unexpected antitheses. Trains are one of them. Remarkably maintained medieval towns are another. Trains run on time, they’re plentiful, cheap and comfortable. A day trip to Venice from Milano for a family of four costs just 150 euros. It’s brilliant.
Aboard our “Vaporetto” (canal-bus) and despite the human shield of more than a few of history’s greatest works of architecture, such as the Palazzi Barbaro, Basilica di Santa Maria and the Palazzo dei Leoni, the breeze coming off the water brought with it a distinct chill. But the onset of winter had done nothing to dissuade hardy perennials from making the pilgrimage to the 9th century Piazza San Marco. The depths of the low season it may have been, but there was a queue stretching much farther than my interest for entry into the Basilica.
Pigeons; never liked them myself. I could never understand why people took pleasure in inviting the vermin to perch on their arms, legs and heads. I mean, they really are classified as vermin and harbingers of a variety of disease. I’m sure I don’t want them sitting (with a silent ‘h’) on my bald pate. Interestingly, the Italians have an ingenious way of keeping the blighters off their public buildings; every nook and cranny is filled with a plethora of thin and deadly two-inch spikes. It’s as if a hedgehog as been unkindly crammed into every crevice.
In Piazza San Marco, there are a couple of cafés which you might remember from a few films. One of Bond’s victims ended up in the piano of one of the café orchestras, another of the piazza’s permanent fixtures. I remember having a beer here in the 80’s and my mother taking significant umbrage at the resulting bill. “This is an outrage!” she heaved, “I want to see the manager!” The manager dutifully appeared, no doubt expecting a simple exchange consistent with his everyday experience of dealing with tourists suffering from heat stroke. No such luck in the case of my mother, a Methodist whose persistence with lost causes (she had four sons) was legend. She demanded a moral explanation for the (admittedly extortionate) price for two expressos, a beer and a coke. On the point of submission, worn down by almost evangelical attrition, the manager spat, “It’s for the orchestra; the price is like this because you get to listen to the orchestra.” His relief at finding this justification was almost audible, but he had made a terrible mistake. Brimming with self-righteousness, my mother cut him to shreds, “The orchestra weren’t playing! They were on a break!” Bless her, if she didn’t get her discount. The manager of the café, I noted, had since changed.
There are only three bridges across the Grand Canal; the wooden Ponte dell’Accademia, the Ponte dei Scalzi (“bridge of the barefoot”) by the railway station and most famously, the heavenly Rialto, where we alighted and spent endless hours in a market alive with the promise of Christmas. I can’t say they haggle particularly well, or that there are many bargains to be had and any shopkeeper who tells my kid “don’t touch” won’t be seeing any of my cash, but what can you say? It’s Venice! It’s a simply serene experience to stroll around the labyrinthine interior, a sincere pleasure to become unfathomably lost and divine to contemplate the architectural and artistic majesty of the place. And I haven’t even mentioned gondolas.
Next week: Another Year Over

Doc English, the Language Doctor: Encouraging your child to speak in English at home

Welcome back! This week we look at ways of encouraging your child to speak using English at home. Often this is very hard because the child may be surrounded by Thai speakers and there may be no communicative need for them to speak in English. Your child may be shy about speaking in English and they may also be afraid of making mistakes when they talk. It’s possible that your child may not have fully developed their communication strategies, or they may simply not have enough knowledge of vocabulary or grammar to help them form the words sentences they need to communicate.
If you are having problems encouraging your child to speak in English at home, your child’s teacher is probably encountering similar problems at school. Schools encourage students to speak in English in various ways. Some are effective in the short term, yet others actually discourage children from enjoying English in the long run and do not respect children as individuals, with individual rights and needs.
I have found that many international and bilingual schools have language policies that forbid their students speaking Thai, both inside and outside of the classroom. Students are told that they must speak in English ‘at all times’. These ‘immersion’ type language policies appear to work with very young children, but in the long term they are ineffective, counter-productive even. This is because as children grow older, they become far more independent and self (intrinsically) motivated. They see that language in society is a matter of personal choice and that no government on earth should dictate what language members of its population ‘should’ or ‘should not’ speak. Children are not going to speak in English ‘just because you tell them to’.
Such language policies are also ineffective because they create an impression that perhaps speaking Thai (or another foreign language) is somehow ‘wrong’ and that speaking English is ‘right’. Of course we should respect all languages. But how can parents do this and encourage children to speak in English at the same time? For starters, you can create your own ‘Language Agreement’ with your children at home. Agree the details together and pin it up on the wall. Let your child see that you respect all languages, but that you would like them to receive equal practise in the target languages to become truly bilingual. Discuss how learning English might make your child’s life even better. Even younger children will recognise that English can be useful for ‘making new friends’, ‘using the computer’ or ‘reading and listening to new stories’. Smart kids will realise that it will be useful in the future for further studies, or ‘getting a job’. The Language Agreement can include Targets. For example, if your child reaches a certain level in English, then they will receive a reward as part of the Agreement.
If you want your children to be bilingual in Thai and English, you should yourself start learning Thai! If you are Thai, start learning English! If you are studying a second language at the same time as your child, you will be more able to teach them effectively and you will also be more sympathetic to their needs. If you are too lazy to learn Thai, don’t expect your children to feel any different to the prospect of learning English! Learning a language can be easy and enjoyable. There’s no excuse! From an early age, we humans never lose the ability to learn a new language.
So, now we have laid the groundwork and agreed the rules, how can we create a communicative need for your child to speak in English at home? Well, you could first establish an ‘English Time’; a time during which everyone has to speak English (10-20 minutes a day will do). A good opportunity could be around the dinner table, or in the car on the way to school. You could make a game of it, with prizes for the winner, or rewards at the end of the game. The loser could even do the washing up! Create a different topic of conversation every day, or simply talk about the day’s events. With young learners, you could play ‘eye-spy’ in the car, or play ‘Simon Says’, e.g. ‘Simon Says ‘Don’t eat with your knife!’
As well as English time, you could create ‘English Zones’ around the home and garden. These are areas where you expect your children to speak English at all times, such as the lounge when you are all together. Make these areas comfortable and attractive. For younger children, these could become areas for ‘role-play’. For older children, you could provide a ‘chill out’ zone with books, music, magazines in English. Do not punish your children if they fail to speak English on your command, just offer them the choice to speak English or not and provide rewards if they do. Remember that they need opportunities to practise foreign languages too. Provide plenty of praise and if necessary, a points system, or a ‘currency’ children can exchange for a reward, or cash in for books, writing materials and stationery.
That’s all for now folks! Next week we will continue to look at more speaking and listening activities you can carry out with your children. Remember, you can send your questions or suggestions to me via the Pattaya Mail, or you can email me at [email protected]. Hope to hear from you soon!

Let’s go to the movies: by Mark Gernpy

Now playing in Pattaya
National Treasure: Book of Secrets: US Action/Adventure – In this follow up to the 2004 box-office hit National Treasure, Nicolas Cage looks to discover the truth behind the assassination of Abraham Lincoln, by uncovering the mystery within the 18 pages missing from assassin John Wilkes Booth’s diary. With Helen Mirren, Ed Harris, Harvey Keitel, Jon Voight. Looks quite interesting.
Alvin and the Chipmunks: US Animation/Comedy/Family – After years of exposure on TV, the tiny trio makes their live action big-screen debut in this family comedy about the pint-sized pop stars. Early reviews say it’s mediocre and immediately forgettable; the characters are underwhelming in their appeal, and lack the charm of their previous animated incarnations. Generally negative reviews.
I Am Legend: US Action/Drama – With Will Smith as a scientist responsible for releasing a terrible virus that was unstoppable and incurable. Somehow immune, he is now the last human survivor in what is left of New York City and maybe the world. He spends his time trying to make contact with other survivors, working on a cure to the virus using his blood, and killing vampires. There are some fantastically eerie sequences of an empty New York City covered with weeds that I find spooky and haunting. I understand the weeds were trucked in from Florida. Only a part of the extremely complicated logistics involved: New York City cooperated in the filming by closing several blocks of Fifth Avenue and Washington Square Park at night and on weekends, between September 2006 and April 2007. But the producers needed the approval of 14 government agencies to do it.
It was worth it, in my opinion. I think the first two-thirds is fascinating and a great movie, with a superb Will Smith, surprising in the depth of his acting; then it degenerates into a typical zombie flick. But, that was the story they had. See it! Generally favorable reviews.
The Warlords: Hong Kong Action/War – A heroic tale of the breakdown of the friendship between three blood brothers when one kills another to steal his wife, and the third seeks revenge. Starring Jet Li and Andy Lau, it’s one of the most solid Chinese films I’ve seen in some time. Beautifully photographed and directed, fine performances, a wide sweeping story. Seems to be taking China by storm, and becoming a hit in many parts of Asia. Unfortunately, here it’s in a Thai-dubbed version only.
His Dark Materials: The Golden Compass: US/UK Adventure/Fantasy — In a parallel universe, a young girl journeys to the far North to save her best friend and other kidnapped children from terrible experiments by a mysterious and evil organization. The film is a grand, rich fantasy, beautifully done, remarkably detailed. I was enchanted. I was quite captivated by it. And the makeup of one of my favorite of all time actors, Ian McKellen, as a huge bear, is astounding! Strangely, it has gotten only mixed or average reviews: 52 out of 100. But see it anyway - it’s very enjoyable, and eye-popping! The number one film in Thailand at the moment.
The Life of Buddha: Thai Documentary/Family/Animation – A labor of love by a one-time Disney animator, who poured her life savings into this project. For me, the film gives a rudimentary and straightforward telling of the life of Buddha and some of the legends that have grown up around him, exactly as promised, in a highly condensed form, and in a comic book style, using old-fashioned and rather primitive animation. As such, it will certainly find its audience. There is no comment expressed in the film, no point of view except that of a wide-eyed child, and thus I think many will find it of little interest.
The Screen at Kamchanod (Pee Changnang): Thai Horror – Directed by Songsak Mongkolthong, this movie is supposedly based on an actual event that took place at an outdoor screening in Udon Thani in 1987, when an audience of ghosts turned up to watch a movie. Here, in 2007, a group of medical professionals goes to the spot to try to solve the mystery of what really happened.
Pong Lang Amazing Theatre: Thai Low Comedy – A down-on-his-luck theatre owner tries to rescue his old and haunted theater from oblivion with one last show. Crude and crass, involving much breaking of wind and a humorous defecation scene (if there can be such a thing).