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Book Review: The World According to Clarkson
by Lang Reid
 The
figure on the front cover of this book looked very familiar, looking out
from the Bookazine new releases shelves. Ah yes, it’s Jeremy Clarkson, the
motoring chap on TV. Flipping open the first page this was confirmed, with
the words “Jeremy Clarkson made his name presenting a poky motoring program
on BBC2.” It went on to say “He left to forge a career in other directions
but made a complete hash of everything and ended up back on Top Gear again.”
With that half smile you venture into the book proper.
It appears Mr. Clarkson actually does have more than one string to his bow,
and is the author of a weekly column printed in the British Sunday Times.
This book is a compilation of around 90 of these articles, so represents
almost two years of Sundays.
Modestly entitled The World According to Clarkson (ISBN 0-141-01789-9,
Penguin Books 2004) he covers every sacred cow, and some not so sacred pigs
each week. The back cover promises “Clarkson hilariously attacks the
pompous, the ridiculous, the absurd and the downright idiotic ideas, people
and institutions that we all have to put up with at home and abroad, whilst
also celebrating the eccentric, the clever and the sheer bloody brilliant.”
Adjectives such as acerbic, sharp, cutting, caustic, acid, and more in that
poison chalice can be used to describe Clarkson’s chapters, and all of them,
without exception, are treated the same way. In one chapter Clarkson admits
he is a ‘lawn bore’. He has aspirations to be featured by “Homes and
Gardens”, but all he can do is cut grass. Everything else fails. He writes
“Two years ago the field across the road was planted with saplings and I
bought precisely the same stuff for a patch of land next to my paddock.
Today, his trees are 12-14 foot tall. Mine have been eaten by hares.”
The French, the Germans and the Basques all cop their (un)fair share of
Clarkson’s rapier, in one piece bemoaning the fact that all the world’s
sailing records are held by the French, and in another the fact that the
Basques insist you pay a ‘revolutionary’ tax, “And if you don’t pay, they
blow up your car, your house, your wife, your budgerigar, your bar and
everyone in it. That’s why I left the place behind and have come to
Menorca.”
In one wonderfully massive hit out at the goddess of PC, he writes, “It
might be useful too, if we could find a universal butt for European wit. We
have the Irish, the Swedes have the Norwegians, the Dutch have the Belgians
and so on. What we need is a universal whipping boy so that jokes translate
smoothly.”
At B. 395 it is a very cheap book of laughs, and amazingly, despite its
price the paper stock looks as if it would stand several readings. I was
disappointed when I came to the end of it. I felt like standing up and
shouting “More!” Hopefully he will have heard me and is compiling the next
book. In the meantime don’t miss this one.
Mott’s CD review: Uriah Heep
“A foreign field that is forever England”
Enthused by Mott the Dog
Tampered down by
Meow the Cat
Photos by Rick Bryant
In their thirty five year history Uriah Heep has never played Thailand,
but all of that was put to rights at the B.E.C. Tero Stadium on Friday
17th February 2006. In a word, the Heep were superb. Without doubt the
finest show put on by a Western rock band ever in Thailand’s fair
capital city.
 Pop
Jorali, leader of Pop’s Pattaya All Stars with Mick Box, lead guitarist
with Uriah Heep.
B.E.C. Tero was full to its capacity of 3600, and the audience was ready
to rock. They were not let down. To a well timed entrance the Heep
arrived, and gave the audience a dazzling display of their skills,
demonstrating how tight this lineup of Uriah Heep has become over the
last twenty years.
Phil Lanzon is the perfect keyboardist for Uriah Heep, both extrovert
and skilful, handling the barrage of keyboards with ease, setting up the
famous Uriah Heep wall of sound associated with the band then ripping
into his solos, whilst at times playing with great delicacy when the
music required, as well as animating the songs lyrics himself when he
had a hand to spare.
 Harpic
Bryant, lead singer with Pop’s Pattaya All Stars, with Bernie Shaw, lead
singer with Uriah Heep.
Trevor Bolder was a complete revelation, handling his musical weapon of
choice like a lead instrument. The crowd was also treated to several
bass solos, the finest of which took place during the climax to ‘July
Morning’. Having witnessed the Bassman several times in concert in the
past, usually Mr. Bolder lets his bass work do the talking for him but
not tonight. Given some space to move, he was all over the stage,
rushing from one side to the other whilst raising the guitar above his
head, often rushing to the bass amps as if to batter them to the ground
before thinking the better of it. Certainly an all action performance
from the bass player.
 Harpic
Bryant, Lee Kerslake of Uriah Heep, Mott the Dog & Pop of Pop’s Pattaya
All Stars.
On lead vocals was the incomparable Canadian Bernie Shaw. Bernie is now
the complete article singer / performer / ringmaster / rabble rouser;
call him what you want. From the very first song, the audience was
eating out of his hands, especially as Bernie had learnt how to thank
the Thai audience in their own language, and waied them after the first
song. If Bernie said “Clap your hands”, everybody clapped their hands;
if Bernie said, “Stand Up” and you knew what was good for you, you stood
up, and if Bernie said, “Sing” – well, the roof of B. E.C. Tero must now
be six feet higher.
Bernie was dressed in an orange top and some tight fitting blue and red
strides, both of which had been bought at a Bangkok market the night
before. He kept his microphone in a hip holster when not in use so he
looked every inch the dandy cowboy. During instrumental breaks Bernie
would wander off the stage, arriving back just in time to pick up the
vocals again. This was shown to magnificent effect during the
introduction to ‘July Morning’. After the band had rampaged into the
beginning of the song and the keyboards brought it all down quietly
again, it was time for the opening vocal line. You wondered whether the
vocalist had got lost, as there was no sign of him, but with split
second timing, Bernie saunters onto the stage, acknowledges the cheers,
sits himself down on one of the monitors before singing out the opening
line, “There I was on a July morning lookin’ for love”, driving the
crowd to fever pitch.
 Trevor
Bolder of Uriah Heep prepares his bass guitar for another onslaught at
B.E.C. Tero Hall in Bangkok.
The only original member of Uriah Heep left from 1969 is their lead
guitarist Mick Box, one of the most unique lead guitarists on this
planet (or any other come to that). On Friday 17th February 2006 for
Bangkok Mick Box pulled all the stops, his soloing was literally
blistering, particularly while using his customary wah-wah peddle. Mick
Box stomped and rocked his way through the shows electric numbers only
standing still to play the acoustic introductions to songs like ‘Wizard’
or final sing-a-long ‘Lady In Black’. During the rest of the time the
guitar was either being slung around his head or his back or with one
foot on the monitors he would use it as a mock machine gun to mow the
audience down.
 Phil
Lanzon, the keyboard player of Uriah Heep gives it everything at B.E.C.
Tero Hall Bangkok.
You could not find a better front three musicians and showmen than the
combined trio of Bernie Shaw, Trevor Bolder, and Mick Box.
At the back, behind a massive drum kit, sat a big man. Lee Kerslake is
the finest rock ‘n’ roll drummer on the circuit in this day and age. Lee
Kerslake launches himself into every song and it is doubtful whether his
drum kit actually needs to be miked up as he hits those drums so hard,
they can be heard for miles. Lee Kerslake’s drum solo probably brought
the loudest cheers of the night. Not forgetting that Lee also sings all
the back up vocals too, so quite a workload during the two and a half
hour concert.
When you have been a rock band for thirty five years and released twenty
studio albums it is almost impossible to select a set that will balance
itself out, and keep everybody happy. The Uriah Heep set played in
Bangkok was nearly perfect, spanning their whole career. Two songs each
from their first four albums ‘Very’ Eavy ... Very ‘Umble’ (1970):
‘Gypsy’ with an amazing Mick Box solo section and ‘Come Away Melinda’.
‘Salisbury’ (1971) was represented by ‘Bird Of Prey’ and ‘Lady In
Black’; ‘Look at Yourself’ (1971) by the title song and of course ‘July
Morning’, ‘Demons and Wizards’ by ‘The Wizard’ and ‘Easy Livin’.
We were treated to three from ‘Magicians Birthday’ (1972): ‘Rain’, a
beautiful song done purely with Phil Lanzon on piano and Bernie Shaw
singing, ‘Sunrise’ and the good old fashioned rock ‘n’ roll of ‘Sweet
Lorraine’. They managed to squeeze in two songs from ‘Sweet Freedom’
(1973): the hypnotic ‘Stealin’ and the crowd pleasing ‘If I Had The
Time’.
This still left room for opener ‘So Tired’ from Wonderworld (1974). The
throwaway sing-along pop of ‘Free Me’ from Innocent Victim (1977), ‘Year
And A Day’ from Return To Fantasy (1975), ‘Falling In Love’ from ‘Fallen
Angel’ (1978), the magnificent ‘Cry Freedom’ from ‘The Raging Silence’
(1988), ‘Words In The Distance’ from ‘The Sea Of Light’ (1995), and
unfortunately only one song from their latest album ‘Sonic Origami’
(1998): ‘Between Two Worlds’.
All this led to a perfect set, plenty of rockers, a couple of ballads,
some sing-a-longs, some brilliant musicianship, but most importantly a
good time was had by all. (This Dog would have liked a bit more from
‘Sonic Origami’ and ‘The Raging Silence’, something from ‘Abomonimog’
and the songs ‘Mr. Majestic’ and the ‘Magicians Birthday’, but then we
would have been somewhere over the four hour mark).
The B.E.C. Tero hall proved an excellent concert hall for a rock show
and the sound was crystal clear, due to excellent acoustics and a hard
working sound crew including Howard, Charlie, and both Daves. We all
hope that the promoters were happy with the concert and bring back Uriah
Heep at the earliest opportunity. Bangkok wants them to come back and
certainly Uriah Heep want to come back.
Do not worry Mick Box, it was just like the Albert Hall.
Musicians
Mick Box: Guitar and Vocals
Lee Kerslake: Drums and Vocals
Trevor Bolder: Bass and Vocals
Phil Lanzon: Keyboards and Vocals
Set List
So Tired
Cry Freedom
Falling In Love
Words In The Distance
Stealin’
If I Had The Time
Year And A Day
Between Two Worlds
Rain
Come Away Melinda
The Wizard
Free Me
Sunrise
Sweet Lorraine
Gypsy
Look At Yourself
July Morning
Bird Of Prey
Easy Livin’
Lady In Black
To contact Mott the
Dog email: [email protected]
Website: http://www.mott-the-dog.com
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