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Heart to Heart with Hillary

 

Dear Hillary,
I have terrible mood swings. One minute I’m happy and the next I’m so tearful and in such a rage.
I’ve been married to a wonderful man for 10 years. In that time, I’ve had so many wedding rings I’ve lost count. I’ve even thrown away engagement and eternity rings and other beautiful items of jewelry given to me by my husband. Immediately afterwards, I always regret it and my husband has lovingly replaced all of them. But I am tormented that I’ve been so stupid and even think we can’t be legally married because I haven’t got my original wedding ring.
Since we have been living in Thailand, it has become even worse. I’ve screwed up many important meetings when I’ve made a scene.
My husband is still very patient, I wonder why. Many times I ask myself why he hasn’t left me as I surely don’t deserve someone who puts up with my selfishness and my moods.
It bothers me so much not to have any control over my sudden rages. What can I do?
Furious.
Dear Furious,
Your husband obviously understands your sudden rages and loves you, still, enough to go on replacing the rings you’ve flung away so frequently.
Of course you are legally married, the wedding ring is merely a token of marriage. That’s no problem. What is, I think, are your unexpected and unpredictable rages. Maybe your husband doesn’t realize there must be a reason for those out-breaks. Perhaps he finds them exiting and would miss the high drama of your explosions or the making up afterwards.
Even so, I think it would be sensible to report the mood swings to your doctor so that you can be given either medical help or psychotherapy. If you don’t do it, you have to be aware that in the future, one of your out bursts could lead into harming someone - either your husband or yourself.

Dear Hillary,
After three years in Thailand, my husband had a fling with the woman (a Thai) he works with and left me to move in with her. It only lasted a few weeks, though, and then she went back to her partner.
I took my husband back because I love him, and our three children, who go to school here, missed him so much.
He says he loves me too, but can’t guarantee he won’t cheat again and won’t talk about why it happened. On the other hand, he goes mad when other men look at me and won’t let me go out with my friends because he says I’ll do the same thing he did.
We have been married 11 years, which I think is too much to throw away on this brief affair.
But I am worried sleepless it might happen again - very soon.
Sleepless.
Dear Sleepless,
By trying to control you, and by saying you, too, might be unfaithful, your husband is showing how much he can’t and won’t face up to his guilty feelings, or to your hurt and anger.
His telling you that he can’t guarantee he won’t cheat again might show honesty, but it also shows that the chances are it will happen again.
As long as he refuses to talk, you’re both stuck with not understanding what has gone wrong in your relationship and what you can do about it. Until he talks, it will be very hard to recover this marriage.
Put your foot down and insist that communication starts right now.

 



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