Muscle bound child
As the tourist mini-bus pulled into Pattaya’s stone age park,
a harassed mother from Leeds warned her daughter, “Now, Doreen, don’t go and
knock anything over like you did at Stonehenge.” Case of PRAT (Pattaya Respects
Attentive Tourists).
Nestling nicely
A Welsh vet has been jailed for masterminding a band of
smugglers who hid wild birds’ eggs in their underpants as they passed through
Bangkok airport. One of the accused said the original plan had been to wear
their pants outside their trousers, like Superman, but this idea had been vetoed
as too likely to attract attention.
Gay streakers
Three middle-aged Italians caused consternation in Boystown
last Saturday when they walked naked through the soi sporting only Wellington
boots and three large Panatelas. The manager of Boys Boys Boys rushed out and
gave them a strict dressing down. “I hope you realize this is a clean city,” he
said, “and you risk a 2000 baht fine if you drop one of those cigars.”
Stock exchange
A falang was puzzled about Thailand’s recent financial crisis
as he sipped a beer and read the paper. Turning to his neighbour, he asked, “Do
you know what these bears and bulls are?” His new friend answered, “Well, I
suppose they are like the birds and the bees with more rough stuff in the
bedroom.”
Buddy spare a dime
Foreign investors, who want to buy quick residency permits in
Thailand, must buy either government bonds or condominium units worth eight
million baht and upwards. The Board of Investment says that the move will
attract more foreign exchange and will shore up the sluggish property market. If
you take the property route, you must hold on to your condo for at least five
years.
Kofta curry
There’s a new Pakistani cafe in the short block between Soi
VC and Soi Yensabai on the Second Road. The Amna Restaurant is reasonably priced
and the quality good. Vegetarians, for example, can enjoy three dishes and a nan
for around 100 baht.
A Pattaya fortune
Here is a good tip if you are thinking of opening a business
in Pattaya. Question: How does a Pattaya bar owner end up with one million
dollars? Answer: He starts off with two million. Now you know it all.
Fifty fifty
A pair of drunks were having a pointless argument about
whether the girls in Pattaya are more or less attractive than those in Phuket.
One offered a compromise to settle the dispute. “Tell you what,” he slurred,
“I’ll meet you halfway. I’ll admit I’m wrong if you admit I’m right.”
Taxing machines
The latest rumour is that Bangkok airport is thinking of
installing auto machines to take your departure tax and issue a receipt. This
would make a third queue to join in addition to those at the luggage scanner and
the airline check-in counter. Anyway, after surviving the new bureaucracies in a
state of exhaustion, you are bound to sleep through the in-flight movie.
Not another one
Don’t under-rate the large numbers of Russians now visiting
Pattaya, otherwise known as Little Moscow. Some of them have a sense of humour.
One was entertaining two English guys in a condo lift. “Here’s some good news,”
said the Russian, “Lenin’s mother is still alive. Now the bad news: she’s
pregnant.”
