Dear Hillary,
Help! My father was working near Pattaya for over 4 years. Now his contract is finished and we all have to go back to Europe. I don’t want to go! I go to school and I have my friends here.
As far as I remember, we have been moving around since I was a small child. As soon as I got used to the different environment and started to make some friends we had to keep moving. Right now I am 13 years old and I am sick and tired of it. I pledged, I begged, I got angry, but nothing helps. My mother told me she is fed up, too, but cannot help it. She says at least we are going back home. But, what is home for me? I haven’t been in England longer than 2 years - and that’s after I was born. Home is for me here! Why don’t fathers ask their families if they agree with their plans? Do you think there is a way out? Maybe I could stay here in boarding-school? I don’t want to leave!!!
Helpless
Dear Helpless,
You are right in a way. Decisions like moving should be made within the family and if everyone agrees - get on with it. Unfortunately, you were too small at the time when your parents made the decision to work in foreign countries. Please try to understand your father. As soon as the contract’s finished he must go where-ever his company sends him off to. It’s not only you, he hasn’t got a chance as well. Try not to make it too hard for him, for all he’s doing is trying to make a good living for all of you.
Your idea of staying all alone here, even in a boarding school, is surely not possible. You are much too young. You’d be bored and homesick for your family after a very short while. Better stick with them. Take this whole moving as a new adventure. Just think about all the stories you can tell to all your new friends and family back home. I am sure you’ll be the center of attraction for a while. If you are clever and not too boastful, you can make a lot of new friends. Only when you are old enough will you be able to make your own decision and, maybe, one day you will decide to come back to Pattaya.
Dear Hillary,
I am a 32-year-old man with short legs, receding hair and a round head. I have traveled a lot and done various jobs. I just have no luck with women. Friends have said to me, “When you work in Thailand, you don’t have to worry about it anymore. You’ll find a nice girl within no time”. So, I am here. Since I am not into bar-girls, nothing has changed. My encounters with “good women” are still disastrous. I know I’m on a losing streak. One woman told me: “You are just a boring little guy who does interesting things”. Many of my friends here do little with their lives but are more handsome than me and always seem to attract women. Can you tell me what to do?
Non-Attractive.
Dear Non-Attractive,
In your letter you come over as a nice guy - intelligent and sensitive with a good sense of humor. Why doesn’t this come across when you talk to a woman? I think you’re trying too hard and saying too much instead of listening and being you.
I am not sure I can convince you your body isn’t important. I think it’s a mind thing; you think it’s your looks. But then how do you explain the appeal of Woody Allan? Women don’t mind plain-looking (or even downright ugly) men. It all depends on what the rest of the package is like.
To attract the love of a good woman, forget the looks and concentrate. Not on you, but on who you are with. You don’t have to talk all the time. Just be there being yourself. If you lack confidence, just take it one step at a time. Look at her. Compliment her clothes. Ask her what books she likes. Don’t fear rejection. Go for connection. Be real. That will give a woman a chance to connect with you.
When you are talking to a woman but thinking, “I wonder if she’s noticed my receding hair?” it’s hardly likely to instill her with confidence. She isn’t going to leap on you with animal lust if you keep looking down at your legs.
You have to change your style: Be confident about yourself. Learn to listen and to relax. Take it like: dipping your finger into the wine, having a taste, than slowly drinking the joys of contact and closeness with another human being. There is a woman out there for you. It’s about whether you make a woman feel good, esteemed, liked, and loved. You’ll find her.