Dear Hillary,
Regarding your recent contact with Horace and how Thais speak English. You attempted to compare foreigners to Thais with your comment “educated Farangs think they can speak Thai, use incorrect tones and continue to make farcical mistakes”. However, if it is explained to us then we make the correct adjustments. You can tell a Thai 1 million times that the correct pronunciation is “house” and not “hou” and the very next time the Thai will still say “hou”. Your comparison isn’t valid. The whole thing is simply ridiculous.
JCB

Dear JCB,
Of course it is ridiculous. My column is neither a language school trainer nor a psychiatrist’s couch. It is a fun look at all our lives and the tiny problems we give ourselves. Lighten up, JCB and crawl back into your “hou” and have a beer.

Dear Hillary,
I remember some time ago that you got some food questions, and I was hoping you could answer mine. I have seen people eating what looks like an egg “parcel” with meat inside it. What is it? And would it be too spicy for someone like me who is a little afraid of spicy food?
Spicy Sally

Dear Sally,
I am sure you are referring to a Thai omelet, called “Kai Yat Sai”. Generally the filling is pork based, but you can get chicken as well - ask for “Kai Yat Sai Gai”. It comes with a little bowl of red ketchup - but beware, it is chilli, not tomato, so I’d steer clear of the red stuff! Around 50 baht at most food carts. Enjoy!

Dear Hillary,
It seems impossible to buy furniture here that is not in “kit” form. Since I do not know which end of a screwdriver to use (and my husband is just as technically challenged) what should I do? Any suggestions?
Kitty

Dear Kitty,
You are worrying too much, my Petal. The nice friendly furniture shop will send a team of semi-trained carpenters who will put it all together for you, and a 100 baht tip will be very welcome. If the shop says they don’t do the assembly, then go to another shop - there’s enough of them.

Dear Hillary,
We are fairly new to living in Asia and I am not sure what to do with our maid. She came with the apartment and seems to be a very nice person. My problem comes with the number of days off that she seems to have. It is not that she does not come to work, it is that she tells me that she has to see her mother, or it is a special day for Chinese or something, so she will not be here on some day next week. Is this the usual for Thai maids, or am I being made use of?
Mary

Dear Mary,
Hillary is sitting here having had to make her own coffee. My maid is off at the temple. But how many unscheduled days off a month does she have? About one or two extra days off a month is standard custom. Not one a week! Most Thai employees and all maids take every Buddhist and Thai holiday off for which you are expected to pay. Have you thought of joining one of the ladies’ organizations here (listed in the Pattaya Mail) so you can learn the ropes quickly. Remember to smile a lot at your maid even if you can’t speak Thai and bring the odd sweet cakes for a present for her sometimes. Good luck.

Dear Hillary,
I am trying to make a constructive criticism here. I am a regular visitor to Pattaya and it beats me how the streets and footpaths and vacant lots and even the beaches are just so filthy. The majority of the public toilets, except in the most expensive hotels, are indescribably putrid and filthy. How can they stand it? Don’t they care about health and sanitation or even the tourist dollar. Don’t they have any National pride? Isn’t there anyone assigned to clean up the place or doesn’t anyone care?
Jim

Dear Jim,
You’re throwing a bit of muck at us, aren’t you! And a little unfairly, too. The beach vendors do clean their area of the beach every morning. The council workers do clean the streets and pick up the garbage here. Certainly, nobody cares much about the rubbish lying around in vacant lots - the locals just don’t see it. Thais have a different mind set to farangs and deliberately ignore anything unpleasant they do not want to see. And yes the Asian loos do take a little getting used to. However if everything was legislated out of existence and sparkling clean just like your home is supposed to be, exotic tropical Thailand would lose a lot of its appeal and you wouldn’t want to holiday here so often. Part of our attraction is the fact that you can experience a freedom here, that the over-legislated western countries do not allow you to do. Have you ever thought of that?