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  COLUMNS

HEADLINES [click on headline to view story]:
 
Family Money: The Cost of Delay
 
The Computer Doctor

Successfully Yours: Ingrid Van der Heyden
 
Snap Shots: Wats up?
   
Modern Medicine: Cosmetic Surgery

Heart to Heart with Hillary
 
Grapevine

Dining Out: The PIC Kitchen - a totally Thai experience!
 
Animal Crackers: Bulldogs
 
Down The Iron Road: The ‘Cheltenham Flyer’
 
Coins of the Realm: Collection of Thai Banknotes sold for 4,300,000 Baht
 
Nightmarch

Family Money: The Cost of Delay

By Leslie Wright

Last week we looked at how expatriates on short-term working contracts should be taking advantage of the opportunities presented by the higher-than-average income such contracts usually provide.

In such cases, sound financial planning involves not just looking at how much you can afford to save, but when you might need the capital you will have accumulated, and how much.

Tempus fugit

The cost of delay is rarely appreciated, so is rarely considered in one’s financial planning. Nonetheless, the effects of delaying “doing something sensible” can be enormous.

To quantify how enormous, let us look at Joe, a working expatriate who spends Bt.60,000 a month to maintain his current lifestyle. (A bit high, some of you might think - but I know a number of expat residents who spend considerably more than this each month, and many who spend less. But let’s use this figure by way of example.)

Joe is approaching his 41st birthday, but has done nothing by way of realistic saving up until now, and thus has no real accumulated capital. (“Silly man,” some of you might say; but I’ve met a goodly number of such people in my professional career.)

The question then is: How much would Joe have to accumulate to maintain his lifestyle if he stopped working?

If Joe started up an offshore investment saving plan now, five factors will determine how much he realistically might be able to draw down from it.

How much?

First, the amount he puts into it. Obvious, perhaps. But a surprising number of people believe that $250 a month saved regularly for 10 years somehow goes through a miraculous transformation and produces enough capital for them to withdraw $1000 a month for 25 years.

This of course is a ridiculous assumption - but an amazing number of otherwise intelligent people I’ve met over the years had started up some sort of ‘pension’ plan with just that sort of naive and unrealistic expectation.

Sure, they had bought into a good savings plan. But they hadn’t thought through their pension requirements - and nor had the financial consultant who sold it to them.

How long?

Second, the period you maintain the contributions. Again, putting even $1000 a month away for 10 years is not going to produce sufficient capital to permit a draw down of $1000 for 25 years, however good the plan is.

Third, the period you might draw down the benefits before the capital was exhausted - how long you and your spouse are likely to live, in other words.

The actuaries tell us that life expectancy at birth for a Western European male has increased to about 76 and for a female to 78. Other factors aside (current state of health, lifestyle, family history), it would be prudent to plan for at least that life expectancy.

Fourth of course is the growth factor. What is a reasonable expectation over the long term? The offshore industry long-term average for medium-risk funds is 10% growth per annum (in US Dollar terms), so let’s use that figure for this exercise.

How much for inflation?

The fifth factor is the erosionary effect of inflation. This is a particularly difficult one to project, since it varies very widely over time.

Inflation is currently at historically low levels; but whether this trend is going to continue for the next 20-25 years is anyone’s guess. Given the lessons of history, however, it would be dangerous to your financial health to assume that inflation will remain in check over that period of time.

In my view it would be more prudent to assume a median inflation rate to provide a built-in ‘safety net’ to protect your accumulated capital from dwindling away in case inflation rises again to the sort of figures that prevailed twenty years ago.

Statisticians tell us that inflation in UK over the past 25 years has averaged 8.1%; in Thailand the average has been even higher, and has been brought below double-digits only within the past 5 years.

However, in the past three years the currency has dropped more than the ‘average’ inflation figure, so as far as the cost of goods & services is concerned, the end result is almost the same.

Just to illustrate how inflation (or a falling currency) can erode your spending power, Table 1 shows what goods & services that today cost Bt.1,000 would cost in the future if inflation averaged the various figures shown. 

Table 1: The effect of inflation. 1000 in today’s money will be equivalent to:
    Inflation rate:        

Years from now

3% 4% 5% 6% 7% 8% 9% 10%

5
12
15
20
25
30
35
40

1,159
1,344
1,558
1,806
2,094
2,427
2,814
3,262
1,217
1,480
1,801
2,191
2,666
3,243
3,946
4,801
1,276
1,629
2,079
2,653
3,386
4,322
5,516
7,040
1,338
1,791
2,397
3,207
4,292
5,743
7,686
10,286
1,403
1,967
2,759
3,870
5,427
7,612
10,677
14,974
1,469
2,159
3,172
4,661
6,484
10,063
14,785
21,725
1,539
2,367
3,642
5,604
8,623
13,268
20,414
31,409
1,611
2,594
4,177
6,727
10,835
17,449
28,102
45,259

For instance, if inflation averaged just 6% a year over the next 20 years, goods & services which cost Bt.1,000 today would cost Bt.1,791 in 10 years time, and Bt.3,207 a decade later.

As inflation is a creeping malaise (as opposed to sudden currency drops), we tend not to notice its effects until we stop to compare what it cost to live 20 years ago with what it costs now.

In reality of course, inflation here might be higher or lower than 6%; but this figure is actually a relatively low inflation rate given the facts of history. So to forestall the objections that usually arise whenever I start discussing inflation, I’ll use this comparatively modest assumed figure for the purposes of this exercise.

Now we can run the numbers through the computer and see what Joe would need to put aside while he has the opportunity, to provide for when his contract finishes, or when he chooses not to work any more.

Table 2: Amount of monthly contribution required to produce a monthly drawdown of 1000 money-units assuming 10% p.a. growth and 6% p.a. inflation.
 

Drawdown Period (Years)

Years to Drawdown 10 15 20 25 30
10
15
20
25
30
960
660
505
405
325
1,320
900
685
550
440
1,615
1,105
840
670
540
1,860
1,270
965
775
615
2,065
1,410
1,070
850
680

Using one of the better offshore savings plans that also permits a high degree of flexibility - a compromise vehicle that optimises the twin criteria of cost-effectiveness and flexibility so important to expatriate contract workers - one finds that if Joe intends to carry on working for another 10 years, but thereafter expects to draw down Bt.60,000 a month in today’s terms for a period of 25 years (his reasonable life expectancy), he will need to put aside the hard-currency equivalent of Bt111,600 a month starting now. (Look along Table 1’s 10 year row to the 25 year column and multiply that figure by 60.)

This unaffordable figure shows a) the horrific effects of inflation; and b) that Joe has only three realistic options.

First, modify his expectations with regard to his future lifestyle expenditure. For example, if his amended lifestyle were to require only Bt.30,000 a month (in today’s terms), he would need to save only half as much, which is still the very substantial sum of Bt.55,800 a month.

Second, carry on working past his expected cessation date, giving him a longer window of opportunity to build more capital, and reduce the draw down period accordingly.

For instance, if Joe carried on working for an additional five years, he would need to save “only” Bt.66,300 to provide for 20 years’ draw down of Bt.60,000 a month after taking inflation at 6% a year into account.

The third option is a compromise of the first two: reduce his expectations as regards the amount he “needs” to live on, and extend his working life for a few extra years. The amount Joe would need to save can then be matched to his current savings capacity much less painfully.

And this is the case with most expats who have failed to plan their future financial health effectively.

This prescription, painful though it may be to swallow, is far more likely to produce an acceptable result than what many people do, faced with the same bad news - go for some wonderful get-rich-quick scheme that usually only makes its inventors rich, rather than its investors.

Leslie Wright is Managing Director of Westminster Portfolio Services (Thailand) Ltd., a firm of independent financial advisors providing advice to expatriate residents of the Eastern Seaboard on personal financial planning and international investments. If you have any comments or queries on this article, or about other topics concerning investment matters, contact Leslie directly by fax on (038) 232522 or e-mail [email protected]. Further details and back articles can be accessed on his firm’s website on www.westminsterthailand.com.

Editor’s note: Leslie sometimes receives e-mails to which he is unable to respond due to the sender’s automatic return address being incorrect. If you have sent him an e-mail to which you have not received a reply, this may be why. To ensure his prompt response to your enquiry, please include your complete return e-mail address, or a contact phone/fax number.

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The Computer Doctor

by Richard Bunch

From Sammy, Houston: We recently installed Windows 2000 on our PC, since then, it has worked just great! When we had Windows 98 on it there were always annoying messages and illegal functions occurring, usually at very inopportune moments. That aside it was one of the best computery decisions we have made. One thing both my husband and I like is the increased security Windows 2000 offers, files and folders can be locked away so only those users who have specifically been allowed permission to see them can gain access. This is a boon with children in the house who we don’t want to see some things or even have the ability to delete them; our accounts for example. There is, however, one thing that is missing that I find very annoying: Spider Solitaire. Do you know how I can get this? After all, I’ve got to pass the time somehow!

Computer Doctor replies: Sammy, you are certainly not alone. I have lost count of the number of people who have asked this very question. Of course Microsoft’s Spider Solitaire was not part of Windows 98 anyway, but part of the Plus pack which had to be purchased separately. There is of course Pin Ball, which is part of Windows 2000, but if this isn’t your bag, then there are other Spider Solitaire games around, one that seems to fit the bill is SolSuite 2000, which has an abundance of solitaire games in it and includes a Spider Solitare much like the one you are sadly missing. Check it out at their website www.solsuite.com. If any readers know any other comparable solitaire programs or a good Backgammon program, another game that I get frequently requested, please write in.

From Cass, Japan: I will be coming to work in Thailand soon and would like to bring my desktop with me. Will I have to pay any special duties or fines before being cleared by customs at the airport?

Computer Doctor replies: This is a subject I don’t feel qualified to answer so I’ll turn it over to our readers. If anyone has experiences of this please e-mail us.

Send your questions or comments to the Pattaya Mail at 370/7-8 Pattaya Second Road, Pattaya City, 20260 or Fax to 038 427 596 or E-mail to [email protected]. The views and comments expressed within this column are not necessarily those of the writer or Pattaya Mail Publishing.

Richard Bunch is Managing Director of Action Computer Technologies Co., Ltd. Providing professional services which includes; website design, website promotion (cloaking) turnkey e-commerce solutions, website hosting, domain name registration, computer and peripheral sales service and repairs, networks (LAN & WAN) and IT consulting. Please telephone 038 716 816, e-mail [email protected] or see our website www.act.co.th

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Successfully Yours: Ingrid Van der Heyden

Ingrid Van der Heyden is multifaceted, delightful, attractive, fit, creative, talented and multilingual. An accomplished Public Relation’s Manager, windsurfer, artist and mother she has a talent that only a rare few people have - to be personable, charming, beautiful and clever, as well as approachable.

Born in Belgium, Ingrid felt compelled to draw in school and although her mother was a painter and a sculptor, her parents flatly refused to allow her to pursue art as a career, seeing no future in it.

At age 18 she then started her career with General Motors Belgium, in the administration office, which developed into Public Affairs. While GM filled her days, she found this was not enough. “Even though I enjoyed my work I just had to have some means of self-expression, so I went to art school for seven years in the evenings.”

She took a two year leave of absence when she married husband Mark, whom she also met at GM, so they could go to Michigan together. Ingrid then took the opportunity to attend The Flint Art School there for 2 years.

On their return, her art began to become a very important part of her life. She specialized in (metal) etching and had a fully equipped studio in her home, holding a successful solo exhibition of her graphic work in Belgium five years ago.

But there is more to Ingrid than ‘come up and see my etchings’! About that time she noticed an old railway station nearby that was to be demolished. She remarked to her husband that someone should find a way to preserve it and give it a function. Ever practical, his reply was, “Then do something about it.”

The next day she started what was to be a three year involvement. Ingrid was the chairman of the community non-profit organization and was instrumental in giving the old condemned building a new lease of life as an art centre.

All this left Ingrid very busy with administration and although she enjoyed it and had originated the plan, it became all-consuming and took over her life, leaving little time for family or her own art work.

A year ago her husband took a transfer to Thailand, probably in self-protection! Ingrid admitted, “I didn’t want to come at first. I felt awful leaving my project; however, after three years of working solely for others, now it is the time for me.”

Lack of her home studio changed things somewhat when she came here, which forced her to change her medium to oils and conte pencils. Ever resourceful, she has even discovered a supplier of prepared canvasses and water based oil paint in Naklua. But as an expat wife, transfers are the norm, and soon she will be packing up her easels and canvasses to go to China.

“I love it here now and I am sure I will be back here one day, even if it is when I retire. Everything has a reason and I am going to use our transfer to China to study with a Chinese artist. I would like to develop my style to be more minimalist, to be able to put everything into one stroke. The Chinese are masters of being able to capture the world of emotion in one single brush stroke.”

Ingrid describes her current style as figurative. “I want to try to find a balance between figurative and abstract. Abstraction shows the emotion and the figures make it more clear to the viewer. My art to me is an expression of human feelings, a release of my emotions, a connection with nature. It is a way to express all these things, and for me it is necessary.”

The recent “Corner of Asia” Pattaya International Ladies Club (PILC) art exhibition, where some of her works were on show, demonstrates this. Ingrid says she is inspired by the Spanish artist/sculptor, Bofill, for his impressive representation of figures in front of an immense background. She also loves the work of Klimt and Gaugin but does not copy any of them; her style is all her own.

Ingrid joined the PILC immediately on arriving here, even though she knew the transfer was only for one year. She believes it is important to “Develop your social contacts and not isolate yourself just because you are afraid to lose friends. You are living now, you cannot postpone life or friendships - now is the time to enjoy them.”

Her advice to other expats here is, “Do the things you don’t have time for at home. Develop yourself. Do not postpone it, now is the only time for it.”

Her advice to fledgling artists is virtually the same - just do it. “Draw a lot, take a sketch book with you and draw all day. Stand still and look. If something moves you, try not to lose it, try to capture it, even with a written word or a quick sketch.”

The most important values to Ingrid are: “My family, honesty and nature, if I can say all that.” Married for eleven years, Ingrid now has two children, Lauren 9 and Eline 7, while success for her is, “About living and life, and achieving the things you want.”

Ingrid has made an impression on Thailand, and it on her. Her brightness will certainly be missed, but as she says, she will return. She hears Thailand calling. And she will bring her art materials next time!

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Snap Shots: Wats up?

by Harry Flashman

For many photographers, the problem they have with picture taking may not be the technicalities of it all (with so many people that do use auto-everything these days) but more of a “What do I take pictures of?” problem.

Let’s fix that right now! One of the finest photographic forays you can ever have is right here in Thailand. Sitting there, literally in your own backyard, no matter where it is in Thailand that you are living. What is it? It is the local Wat or Temple.

The images you can get in any Wat are fantastic - and what is even better, is that you can get stunning photographs without having expensive cameras, multiple lens choices or tricky filters. Even the humblest point and shooter will deliver you shots that will have your friends back in Connecticut or Carolina reeling.

You see, one of the things that happens to everyone is the old familiarity routine. You see something so many times that eventually you begin not to see it at all! Yes, strange but true. Great photo opportunities that are there, every day and you haven’t done it. So let’s all go the Wat and see what would make great pictures - pictures you can’t get in Carolina.

Beginning outside the temple are the ornamental gates or archways. These are a photographer’s paradise, just on their own. Multi coloured, architecturally different edifices that greet you as you approach. Try getting down low in the middle of the archway and shooting upwards. Use a wide angle if you’ve got one, but no matter, you will get a great shot anyway. Now walk as close as you can to the pillars - these are all covered in reflective glass mirrors and other coloured pieces. Get to the closest your camera will go and still be in focus and take a couple of shots there - one vertical and one at a 45 degree angle. Do not overdo the 45 degree shots, but one every so often will give a strong artistic effect.

Walk into the Wat compound. What do you see? You will see different buildings, some of them for worship, some for schooling and one for cremation - that is the one with the tall chimney and generally at the back of the compound. Every one of these buildings has significant architectural details that are worth recording on film.

You should also try to show the function of each building too. A tasteful shot of monks praying or listening to the Abbott will certainly not go astray - but please remember that you are a guest watching someone’s religious practice, so be respectful!

Buddha images covered in gold leaf are another crop of great shots. Look around and get them all in a row. Also, if you can, get a shot of someone applying the little square of gold leaf. If you have a telephoto lens, this is the one to use here. It gets you far enough away from the action so that you are unobtrusive, but the lens will get you close enough to get the shot you want.

Wat Chaiyamongkol on South Pattaya Road has all of the items mentioned above, as does most local Wats, but if you really want to get everything in one area, and then some, go to Wat Yarn Sangwararam, 17 kilometres east of Pattaya, off Sukhumvit Road. There you will find different temples and Pagodas and enough photographic material to keep you happily snapping for hours. Look for some of the small details on the buildings and roofs, as well as the large overall shots.

If you do decide to go there, take plenty of film. Three rolls would not be too many. Just evaluate what you are seeing, think how it should be photographed and go from there. You cannot lose!

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Modern Medicine: Cosmetic Surgery

by Dr Iain Corness

Sometimes called “Aesthetic Surgery”, this branch of medicine should not be confused with “Plastic Surgery” or “Reconstructive Surgery”. While they are all inter related, the needs and effects are quite different, and should be appreciated.

Plastic or Reconstructive work is what is necessary after severe trauma, burns or birth defects. Here the emphasis is on reconstructing or rebuilding shattered faces, noses, jaws, etc. Rebuilding them to be functional, but not necessarily beautiful. Certainly, the surgeon will do his or her best to make the functional result as aesthetically pleasing as possible, but the thrust of the operation is to rebuild function.

With Cosmetic work, the function is already there. The nose can be breathed through, the jaw opens and closes, the eyelids blink - but the nose is too big, the jaw too receding or the eyelids too droopy for the liking of the patient. And that is the principal reason for this form of surgery - the patient is unhappy with his or her appearance, not with their function.

Now there will be those who say that this is just vanity and should be shunned, banned or whatever. To this I say, “Hogwash!” We spend many hours every day to please ourselves. We think and choose what type of food we want, we choose our wardrobe to highlight all our good points and minimise the bad, we have our hair cut, permed, teased and twirled, to be more pleasing from our own point of view. This is not vanity, gentle reader, this is being normal!

So is it then abnormal to look in the mirror and say, I want those crows feet lines removed, I want those baggy eyelids reduced or I want larger breasts? If those physical conditions are affecting you emotionally, the answer may be very simply having the physical condition corrected. If your sagging bosom makes you depressed, what is the answer - antidepressants or anti-sag surgery? I know which of those two alternatives I recommend!

It is actually very well documented that following cosmetic surgery most patients have much more confidence and a much happier disposition in life. And why not? They are looking more like the way they would like to look!

So is there any “down side” to Cosmetic Surgery? Yes, like all things in life, there is a price to be paid, one way or another. Because of its exacting nature, Cosmetic Surgery is not cheap (although in Thailand it is probably around half of what you would pay in your own country). There is some pain and discomfort involved and with any anaesthetic procedure there is a theoretical risk. However, there are literally millions of people throughout the world who have taken the big plunge and have had cosmetic surgery.

Probably the most important factor to check is that your surgeon is a bona fide Cosmetic Surgeon, with credentials, and not just a general surgeon making a little pocket money on the side! There is a big difference!

So if you have been thinking about some cosmetic work, come and discuss this with the Cosmetic surgeons. If you really want it, you will not regret it!

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Dear Hillary,

I know this sounds silly, but it is giving me a big problem. I have a squirrel and I have a live-in girlfriend. Both are small, dainty and delightful, but they appear to be insanely jealous of each other. The squirrel does not like me cuddling my girlfriend and my girlfriend doesn’t like me cuddling the squirrel. This is quite ridiculous in my books, but what should I do?

Squirrel

Dear Squirrel,

It’s probably hard decision time. Which one attracts you most, which one does most for you and how much does each one cost to have around the place? I think the squirrel wins, hands down.

Dear Hillary,

We have now come a few times to Pattaya for our hols and we think it’s quite sophisticated and far more up-market than say Benidorm. Sharon is presently working as a waitress in a big posh London hotel and I too have done a bit of this and a bit of that in the catering side of things. We was wondering then Hillary if we could work in one of those lovely 4 or 5 star resort hotels in Pattaya as General Manager or something. We both know it might be quite difficult to get a work permit but as luck would have it I went to Switzerland on holiday in 1970 and still have the visa in my passport to prove it. Surely this would impress a few people in Pattaya. What do you think?

J. Masterofnon

Dear J,

No worries! With qualifications like yours and Sharon’s there will be no problems I am sure. I believe there is a position going right now with the Immigration Police Canteen, that might fit in well for you both, and you can always talk them up regarding the salary with the impressive 1970 visa. Probably wouldn’t recommend going straight to the top as GM of the Royal Cliff or Dusit quite yet, but why not contact the Pattaya Mail when you get here and we will arrange doing a “Successfully Yours” feature on you. By the way, is Sharon any good in a bikini with chrome pole and mirror? There is also the opportunity to buy a beer bar here, and I just happen to know the third 50% share of a very successful one in Soi 1 is up for grabs. Just send Hillary the money and I’ll reserve it for you; that’s a good boy!

Dear Hillary,

My wife and I are coming to Pattaya later this year and have been reading the Pattaya Mail on-line, so this is how I knew how to contact you. This will be our first visit to Thailand and I was wondering if you could tell us whether there is a bus service around Pattaya or do we need to hire a car? We want to go to the beaches and just relax and unwind. If car hire is necessary, could you advise on suitable rentals and do we barter?

William Jackson

Dear William,

Unless you are staying in a hotel on the other side of the Mabrachan Dam, you will be well serviced by our much maligned Baht Busses. These are the cheapest and most plentiful public transport systems in the world. Anywhere round town for 5 Baht - what a bargain. And talking about bargaining, you don’t try and bargain with the accredited (not off the side of the road) car rental agencies. Rates will be quoted dependent upon how long you need a car for, but there is no harm in asking if a discount is possible! Transportation is inexpensive in Pattaya.

Dear Hillary,

I am sure you must have been asked this before, but from what university did you get your qualifications to answer people’s questions the way you do? Surely you were not taught to be as “bitchy” as the way you are? Sometimes you are just too much!

Thirsting for the truth

Dear Thirsting,

Hillary thinks you really were thirsting when you dropped your sweet little note into the office. Thirsting for a beer that is! Hillary was educated at the finest university of them all - the School of Hard Knocks. So what’s your excuse?

Dear Hillary,

Is there any cure for hangovers? Staying in Pattaya I seem to get a hangover every morning. What can I do?

Overhang

Dear Overhang,

It must be something you are eating. Check what food you are taking with your 600 beers every night. The answer could be there.

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GRAPEVINE

Tied in knots
A farang who played with fire has got his comeuppance after meeting the wrong woman. Retired archaeologist Justin Flambert explained that he wanted to be tied up whilst his lady of the night danced a solo waltz to the melodious notes of Bruckner’s ninth symphony. But after he was duly secured to a table leg, she fled with 68,000 baht in cash and a bundle of credit cards. Later arrested, she explained she had panicked since this type of loud music was not played in her soi. It had really frightened her. She added she would try harder if Monsieur Flambert fancied another go.

Dangers of flying
International airfares could be going up again soon. Companies may be forced to offer more legroom on long haul economy flights or risk losing their licence. The worry comes after a medical report claims that cramped legs can cause potentially fatal thrombosis. But there are to date no successful claims for damages against airlines brought by stricken passengers. In the short term, airlines may start routinely to publish the pitch of their economy seats.

Bar scam
Raul Hortena has been ripped off after forking out 350,000 baht for a bar lease in a sordid district of town. When he took the documents to be finally checked by a lawyer, there was no signature in the space which the leaseholder had signed. One possible explanation is that invisible ink was used which wears off after only a few hours. Not that it matters much. Returning to the bar, Raul found the premises securely locked with a steel shutter. “I’ve been a fool,” he told a sympathetic baht bus driver who added he too had a bar for rent.

Readers’ queries
Tourist WS asks where he can buy size 12 (Euro) shoes. Well, Classic Tailor on Second Road often has in stock extra large size trainers or soft shoes. If you need leather type dress shoes, there’s a bigger problem. No big superstores seem to stock them. If you explain the problem to one of the shoe stores in the Made in Thailand market, well versed in farang emergencies, they’ll probably produce a pair in under 24 hours... HG inquires if there is import or customs duty to pay on books sent from abroad. Not if they are classified by an inspector as personal use “educational”. It’s up to him. But videos, if the package is opened, have a high chance of being surcharged. After all, you don’t learn much from Casablanca.

The low season
Odd how some nitery owners are complaining about a total collapse in the market whilst others are still making a profit. The reality is that folks head for bars where staff greet them, don’t hassle them and don’t overcharge. As the number of entertainment joints in the resort has skyrocketed in the last three years, punters are increasingly choosy. Cold beer tastes the same any place. It’s the atmosphere that counts. And you can’t please everyone. Some customers want loud music and some don’t. The key thing is to pinpoint the market you are trying to attract. The days of “Everyone Welcome” are largely dead in the context of this cosmopolitan city.

Food up to scratch
GEOC (Grapevine Eating Out Collective) made a return visit to Greg’s Kitchen on Second Road this week. One of us had the Sunday roast beef which was succulent and surrounded by a wide selection of tasty vegetables, including surely the best cauliflower cheese in town. The other tried a highly presentable pork pie with great potato salad. Incidentally, Greg told us that the Songkran water festival was so over the top this year that he is considering closing for the worst few days next April. This is a trend that you can expect other establishments to follow. Can’t City Hall consider limiting the water throwing to specified days, in a blaze of publicity, and then invite the police to harass miscreants? It would only need a handful of arrests, notably of farangs, to stop the nonsense. For good.

A fair cop
It’s forever fascinating how traffic laws are enforced, or not, in our fair city and beyond. It seems that the seat belt laws are totally ignored by the city police. However, forget your strap on Sukhumvit and it’s odds on you will be flagged down by the increasingly numerous highway patrols to make a sizeable contribution to funds. On the other hand, the highway police (to judge from our feedback) are likely to ignore you if you are broken down, whereas within the city limits you may well be towed away to the car pound on Second Road. That, by the way, is not a free service.

That’s Pattaya life
A farang took his passport to a photocopy shop in South Road and asked in halting Thai for three copies of one page from a pocket encyclopedia which he wanted to settle an intellectual argument. Returning some hours later, he was presented with an enormous stack of papers bound in ribbon and bearing the total 2040 baht. Anyone needing one or more photocopies of the whole of Pear’s Mini Guide To World Knowledge is asked to contact him direct.

History corner
When the Israeli statesman Moshe Dayan was stopped in his car for speeding, he was told he ought to be arrested. Dayan said to the military policeman who pulled him over, “I have only one eye. What do you want me to watch - the speedometer or the road?”

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Dining Out: The PIC Kitchen - a totally Thai experience!

by Miss Terry Diner

Sometimes we eat because of necessity. If you don’t eat, you die! However, sometimes you eat to be part of a much larger and all enveloping experience. The PIC Kitchen on Soi 5 is one of those.

This restaurant is another of Pattaya’s best established eating places. It is based in a walled tropical garden compound, with four teak wood pavilions. The first of these was built in 1984, with the following three over the next three years. Park your car in Soi 5 and come through the entrance, stepping into a previous time to experience an almost “royal” graciousness and courtesy. Slip off your shoes as you enter your pavilion, slipping off your cares and worries at the same time. The madness of today is swallowed up by the calm of yesteryear.

After that almost poetical introduction, how did we fare? Well, Madame and I were joined by two of PIC’s senior people as our dinner companions and before eating we had a pre-dinner drink in the “Jazz Pit”. This is not underground, as the name might suggest, but is a high teakwood Thai house with subdued jazz music in the background. I sipped on a Rusty Nail and let Dave Brubeck’s jazz renditions soothe the rest of my brain.

One of the pavilions is air conditioned, and we chose that one for the dinner proper. With terracotta tiles and wooden tables and chairs, that “Thai” feeling is maintained. The service people do not shuffle past, they glide noiselessly along wearing their traditional Thai costumes. There is nothing to jar your senses. We settled back to study the menu.

“Study” is probably an understatement. You need time to choose from a menu which has over 200 items, plus rotating specials! Most of the Appetizers are around100 Baht and these are followed, for example, by 21 Spicy Thai salads (B. 95-200) and then some Stir Fries generally around 130 Baht. Steamed dishes are next (B. 80-350), then the Deep Fries and Omelettes (B. 80-350) and then Charcoal Grills. By now we were only half way through and asked for help!

So for appetizers we chose Deep Fried Banana Blossom in batter, some chicken satays and Chinese spring rolls. Of these, the Banana Blossom was just out of this world! Do try this dish - simply amazing.

For mains, we had chosen a Tom Kha Gai (Chicken in coconut soup), a Chicken with cashews stir-fry, a Panang Goong (prawns in Panang curry) and a Hotplate sliced sirloin with special dipping sauce (one of the specials that night). To wash it all down we selected a Jacob’s Creek Chardonnay, and at 950 Baht a reasonable buy.

Rice, that staple of Thai living, was served from large earthenware pots and we began. The soup was thick and very flavoursome, with just a hint of spiciness. The Panang prawns were aromatic and “moreish”, while the Chicken with cashews had that delicate flavour that does not overpower the ingredients.

Leave the best till last, was always a Diner family trait, and I have done the same here. The Sliced Sirloin was just sensational. The special dipping sauce piquant and the meat soft and fell apart. Undoubtedly one of the nicest meat dishes we have ever had - it was that good!

After such a glorious meal, it was felt that a nightcap was in order, so we climbed the stairs to the Jazz Pit again and chatted. Reluctant to leave this lush paradise, but with bed beckoning, we picked up our shoes to return to the car. There, looking up at me from the comfort of my shoe was a baby frog! Somehow it all seemed to fit in with this tropical ambience.

Putting Freddo Frog under a leaf in the garden we went home, leaving a night that was almost dream-like. PIC Kitchen is not just a restaurant - it’s an experience. Go and try it for yourself.

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Animal Crackers: Bulldogs

by Mirin MacCarthy

This week Mirin has become foster Mum for two Indian Hill Mynahs, so what with feeding every couple of hours and wiping their beaks and bottoms, rather than leave a blank page, her husband has put pen to paper to write about the finest dog he ever knew - a Bulldog.

Bulldogs are not the most glamorous of canines. Short ‘bandy’ legs, big head, huge jowls, a nose that appears as if the dog has run into the back of a bus at full tilt and a coat that looks like it was handed down from an older brother in the hope that one day it would ‘grow into it’ but it never did!

Bulldogs are not the most socially adept of canines either. Slobbering is a 12 hour pastime and ‘passing wind’ takes up most of the rest of any day, other than eating.

Yet despite those apparent drawbacks, our Bulldog which grew up with me as a small boy, remains the finest dog I have ever had any acquaintance with.

Bought by my parents, he came home a small wrinkly white, black and brown splodged furry ball. He was so ugly that he was christened ‘Beau Brummel’ after the Victorian dandy - my father always had a sense of irony in his humour.

Brummel, as he was then known, became not just the family dog - he became an integral part of the family. Way up in the cold north of Scotland, Brummel had his bed indoors, despite his antisocial habits which my mother tried unsuccessfully to train out of him. After every malodorous session Brummel would be shown the door, but it was to no avail. Brummel was just a ‘farty’ dog. But he knew what the fuss was about. When my father would remark loudly, “What’s that smell?” Brummel would just get up and walk sadly to the back door, waiting to be expelled again.

Once I accidentally stepped on his leg while he was asleep and he did as all dogs would - he just turned and snapped. I sat on the floor and cried and Brummel sat there with me, crying too. To have bitten his master’s son was too enormous a ‘crime’ for his Bulldoggy brain to cope with!

But what really made Brummel stand apart from all the following canines owned by the family was his intelligence. Brummel was a dog that only needed to be shown once - and from then on, he knew what to do (other than stopping his ‘windy’ problem)!

Brummel unfortunately developed cancer of the stomach, a fairly common condition in the breed; however, he hid his symptoms almost to the end. After eating food he could not digest, he would hide in the garden and bury it out of sight. By the time my parents knew it was too late and it was inoperable.

We never had another Bulldog as none of us felt we could ever replace such a dog. Fifty years later, I still have a tear in my eye for the most fantastic dog I ever knew.

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Down The Iron Road: The ‘Cheltenham Flyer’

by John D. Blyth

When, in the early 1920s, the famous Great Western Railway of Britain was re-casting its passenger timetable following the end of the First World War, it included a new afternoon train, 14.30 from Cheltenham, the well-known Cotswold Spa town, to its London Terminus at Paddington. It was not to be a heavy train, about six coaches including one from Hereford, to be attached at Gloucester - less than 200 tons, and an easy job for the Churchward ‘Star’ (4-cylinders, and incorporating much detail from the Company’s French built compounds), or ‘Saint’ Class (2-cylinders, and full of Churchward’s genius).

‘Castle’ Class locomotive No. 5016 ‘Montgomery Castle’ at Old Oak Common depot, London.

The first stage of the journey from Gloucester to Swindon was, and still is, far from being a high-speed route; the train, climbing all the way to the summit at Sapperton Tunnel, also serves a number of moderate sized towns - Stonehouse, Stroud, Brimscombe and Chalford, then ‘over the top’ and down to Kemble, then a junction for Cirencester and Tetbury, and so to Swindon, where Brunel’s ‘superhighway’ was joined ... 77.3 miles of almost straight track, gently falling at about 4 feet for every mile; an ideal racing ground.

The original schedule for this final dash for the capital is thought to have been 80 minutes (58 mph average), but by 1923 this was reduced to 75 minutes (61.8 mph and qualifying for the title ‘the fastest train in the British Empire’). The Empire’s railways, to be frank, had not in general been built for high speeds, so this was a scant compliment! So again, in 1929 the timing was reduced to 70 minutes (66.3 mph average). In 1931 a further 3 minutes was cut from the schedule, and it was on the basis of this tight timing that the record runs of 1932 were made, the average was now 70 mph. I will come back to some of these notable runs.

Finally, the timing was cut to a level of 65 minutes, at an average of 71.3 mph and this was enough to claim the train as the ‘Fastest Train in the World’. On some occasions the locomotive carried a headboard to this effect (as seen in the illustration).

By this time there were enough of the 1923 ‘Castle’ Class locomotives on the road for one of these to be allocated regularly to the train, and nominally this gave a little extra power compared with the ‘Stars’ from which they were developed, but it is known that there were many drivers (and firemen) who hankered for more of the ‘small 40s’ to be built; they had the excellent Churchward No.1 boiler, by then established as one of the very best steam-producers in British locomotive history. That on the ‘Castles’ was a compromise; Churchward in his last years had designed an excellent ‘mixed traffic’ 2-8-0, Class 47, and after trials they were all fitted with the new, hopefully standard, ‘No.7’ boiler. Churchward sought agreement to the fitting of this to all his 4-6-0, and the small-wheeled freight 2-8-0s, but on the grounds of weight (just half a ton in each case!) this was rejected by the Civil Engineer. Churchward, near to retirement, seems to have accepted this, but under his successor a new standard boiler, the No.8 was designed, and fitted only to the new ‘Castles’, plus a few of the ‘Stars’ rebuilt to ‘Castles’, most of the two being very similar. Hence the compromise: long experience has shown the No.8 to be more sensitive to less than perfect conditions. In addition, the ‘Castles’ had cylinders one inch greater in diameter, with no adjustment in the size of the valves, which made them less free-running. A ‘Castle’ could be pushed into speed, but I long felt that they were at their happiest at about 70-75mph, with around 400-450 tons to haul, rather than the high-speed dashes of the ‘Flyer’, although the position changed dramatically when in the ’50s and ’60s, many ‘Castles’ were fitted with double exhaust arrangements.

Now I must refer to a few of the outstanding runs made on the ‘Flyer’ in the ’30s. On 16.9.1931, ‘Castle’ No. 5000, at the time something of a ‘special’, took the train from Swindon to London in 58 mins., 20 secs, just touching 90 mph., at one point, the average being 79.5 mph. On 6.6.1932 (just over 68 years ago as I write!), a very special effort was made with some expert timing men on board, and an all time record was achieved of 56 mins 47 secs., 87.7 mph, start to stop, a record not to be beaten by steam traction in Britain. The engine this time was No. 5006, of which little was heard of before or since, leaving this writer, at least, wondering how it came to be chosen and what might have been achieved by another ‘Castle’.

Finally, much later in the decade, No. 5037, relatively new, blazed up from Swindon with an extra coach and a heavier set of 223 tons against 186, and was ahead of the 1932 timings by Southall, 9 miles from ‘home’, but was then ‘eased’ to come in well before time, but breaking no records.

Another look at the exploits of 68 years ago is worthwhile: the two recorders, the late and well-known Cecil J. Allen and Humphrey Baker of Bath, asked the G.W.R. if they could make a day of it, by agreeing a special stop in the 5.00pm Paddington to Cheltenham (which normally ran non-stop to Kemble Junction), and in the 5.15pm Bristol to Paddington, normally not stopping east of Bath. Both, surprisingly, were agreed, and their time on the move are recorded as follows: Swindon-Paddington: 56 3/4 mins., Paddington-Swindon: 1 hr. 00mins., Swindon Paddington 1 hr 12 1/2 mins. Total distance 231.9 miles; total time on the move 181.25 mins. - 76.6 mph. By year 2000 standards these speeds look quite paltry, but for 68 years ago, and using a form of traction that had, even then served rail for over 100 years, they were remarkable indeed. And even today, try to equal it by road, on any British motorway you care to choose, but doing what the train did, and that is running within the maximum speed limits laid down, and with due regards to the safety of the public! At that stage they begin to look a bit more like the standards of the 21st Century.

The time of 56 mins 47 sec., of 6.6.1932 was to stand for this section until long after steam traction had gone. Indeed I think it took the Intercity 125 mph ‘High Speed Train’, which had been introduced in the mid ’70s, to conclusively beat it. So what was wrong with steam?

After 1939 the ‘Cheltenham Flyer’ never ran again, but the G.W.R. had introduced in 1935 a fast Paddington - Bristol train, ‘The Bristolian’ - London to Bristol, 118 miles, in 105 minutes, 67 mph. Lost with the war in 1939, it was re-introduced at the insistence of the B.R. Western Region Manager, against all the advice of his officers, in 1954, and was again a great success. But it ran at times wanted by the travelling public - the ‘Flyer’ didn’t!

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Coins of the Realm: Collection of Thai Banknotes sold for 4,300,000 Baht

by Jan Olav Aamlid President House of the Golden Coin
http://www.thaicoins.com

On the 24th of June, a well known numismatic firm Spink conducted a banknote auction in Singapore. Collectors and dealers from all over the world were present in the auction room. Lots of commission bids had been received prior to the sale and some collectors and dealers were also bidding by telephone during the sale.

In the Thai section there was a very interesting collection of Thai banknotes. Several Thais had made a special trip to Singapore to buy some of these extreme rarities. But the ones in the room did not buy much, as there was a telephone-bidder that outbid everyone. Altogether, this person spent 4,300,000 baht to secure these 16 banknotes.

All the 16 Thai banknotes in the sale were Government Issues, Specimens, printed between 1902 until 1935. The printer was Thomas De La Rue Company Limited, a well-known English printer of banknotes and bonds. This collection might be the archives of the printer since some of the banknotes do have the approving signature of the Thai officials. Some of the banknotes are printed in different colors than the ones that were put into circulation.

Specimen 5-Ticals 1st September 1915 sold for 143,000 Baht

The most expensive Thai banknote in the sale was a 1,000-Ticals banknote from 1st April 1902. This is a uniface banknote in red and pale brown colors. 1,000-Ticals was 1,000 baht. At that time the one baht coin was the size of a half crown with the weight of about 15 grams. 1,000-Ticals in 1902 was a huge amount of money, so I believe there was not many of these notes issued. In my almost 20 years of collecting Thai banknotes I have not seen one offered. The estimate for this rare banknote was 340,000 to 450,000 baht, but the hammer did not drop before 700,000 baht.

Specimen 100-Ticals 1st August 1916 sold for 338,000 Baht

The cheapest Thai banknote in this sale was a 10-Baht from 5th November 1932. The banknote is brown and green and pale pink. The motif is a winged garuda bird at top left and a three-headed elephant low right. Here the telephone bidder had to pay 28,600 baht. The estimate was about 20,000 baht.

Color trial 1,000-Baht 1st of April 1925 sold for 221,000 Baht

When there were only 5 Thai banknotes left the bidders in the room really gave the telephone bidder competition. The first three banknotes were all 5-Ticals uniface banknotes issued in 1903, 1913 and1915. The first three banknotes sold from 125,000 baht to 143,000 baht. The 4th uniface 5-Ticals in the sale had the signature of the Thai official approval on the back. This might be part of the reason why this banknote sold for about three times as much as the first three: 416,000 baht. Another reason might be that the Thai collectors and dealers wanted to bring something back from the sale.

The 16 banknotes in this sale are all very rare, their conditions were very nice, the prices paid might be high, but sometimes collectors know that this is the only chance to acquire something of top rarity.

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Nightmarch

Most of the service girls and boys in this town rely on boosting their meagre to average incomes by customers leaving tips. This largely American phenomena is like a cancer here in Pattaya and parts of Bangkok but has thankfully not found its way into other parts of Thailand, at least not in my experience. I don’t have a problem leaving a tip every now and again where the service has been good. However, what I find most annoying are places where the staff almost abuse you if you decline to leave a tip. Almost without exception these are places where the service was practically non-existent and yet they still expect a tip. The whole idea of tipping is for service rendered. No service, no tip.

In the Hotspots: Bubbles, the flagship of the Top Class Entertainment group celebrated its second anniversary on Thursday night June 22 with a party hyped as ‘the Event of the Year’. Every half an hour Bubbles conducted a show with dancing maidens from the other clubs in the group coming in to perform on stage.

Seen Around Town: ‘Thomas Keating’ has just produced the second of his Pattaya Bar Hopping Guide Maps and, as was expected, it’s even better than the inaugural edition that hit the streets in March. And it’s still free.

The second edition, while still having plenty its original hot-spots, also has places like Delaney’s (Royal Garden Plaza); the Pig N Whistle (a nosh-house as well as pub in Soi 7); Stoney’s (an outdoor boozer that has to be one of the best places to sit and watch Walking Street) and the Atlantic Bar (up at Soi 2, right opposite the Sabai Room bathing salon) among the newcomers.

Out of the Rumour Mill: A well-known and respected nosh-house, run by a feisty but good hearted ex-pat lady and her husband, are hoping to relocate to larger and more centralised premises in the near future. For a long time now the place has been well patronised by local ex-pats who are familiar with the noshery’s location and the quality of its grub.

However, its current location restricts her plans to develop the business in different areas and that’s why she’s had her heart set on this new site.

Negotiations are still at a delicate stage and, Thailand being Thailand, anything could happen at the last minute to throw the proverbial spanner in the works.

In the Hot Spots: Recently a local ex-pat publican found himself on the wrong end of a broken beer glass wielded, not by a drunken lager lout or recalcitrant katoey, but by the man with whom he intended to go into partnership.

The boozer, situated off the beaten track, was going to be turned into a short-time playhouse and the contracts had already been signed and an opening date prepared.

The story goes that the Thai wife of the purchasing partner was accused of pocketing proceeds that did not belong to her. Needless to say, the new partner was a little put out at the accusation and, after smashing the beer glass (it’s unclear whether the vessel still contained some brew), took to the ex-pat and did enough damage to require hospitalisation and stitches.

The local constabulary were called to the scene of the fracas and hauled off the beer glass wielding assailant for a stretch in the monkey house.

The contracts have since been declared null and void and the bar has returned to its former somnolent status.

For the Hungry: Carmen’s Classic Chickens, which used to operate across the road from Foodland, moved a couple of months ago to a new location on Soi 17, about 100 metres down the road from the Sikh Temple. A take-away operation, Carmen reduced the prices of his succulent chickens from 130 to 100 Baht, great value when you consider the herbs used and the marination time involved. Carmen’s operates from 10:30am to 7:30pm Sunday through to Friday and there really isn’t any better value in town.

In the Hot Spots: Pommy Dave, the popular publican at the Horn Bar, situated right next door to Happy (Walking Street), is heading back home for three months or so. He says he spends about nine months of the year here in paradise then likes to get away for, as he calls it, a “reality check”.

Things To Do: From 7:00pm (19:00) Friday June 30 until Sunday July 2, the Steak Lao nosh house (on Beach Road, next to Soi 10) has decided to go a little upmarket and will be presenting an Art Exhibition of works by former leading Thai fashion model Phenpron Phaitoon. If you happen to be around that way over the weekend drop in for a peek.

My e-mail address is: [email protected]

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Updated by Chinnaporn Sangwanlek, assisted by Boonsiri Suansuk.