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  COLUMNS

HEADLINES [click on headline to view story]:
 
Family Money: Keeping Your Head
 
The Computer Doctor

Successfully Yours: Sitthichoke Adinan
 
Snap Shots: Black Velvet!
   
Modern Medicine: Worm!

Heart to Heart with Hillary
 
Grapevine

Dining Out: Paradise Café and Grill - Heaven sent?
  
Animal Cracker: Rescue
  
Auto Mania: The ideal car to be in to fall over a cliff?

Down The Iron Road: ‘Mallard’- The Last Steam Record Breaker
 
Coins of the Realm: A popular coin from King Chulalongkorn the Great
 
Fitness Tips: Rating your eating habits

Family Money: Keeping Your Head

By Leslie Wright

One of the questions I’m most commonly asked is how to go about constructing an investment portfolio. Especially one that, without taking on undue risk, achieves or betters the offshore industry long-term average return of 10% p.a. in US$ terms and 12% p.a. in Sterling.

Is there a magic recipe? Well, no, there isn’t.

Is it easy? Of course not, otherwise anyone could do it.

It’s partly a matter of having access to the right information, and enough of it to make an educated guess of how the world’s markets are likely to perform over the next several weeks or months. And being dispassionately objective. And taking several factors into account before you start.

Getting the timing right

Most direct investors plunge into a market and buy a few shares on a whim or fancy, or because of some news they heard on the TV (always a reliable source of information if you want to throw your money away) or read in the newspaper (except here of course.)

If these whim-&-fancy investors are really lucky, they may indeed make a profit. Maybe even a big one. I don’t get to meet many of these, though. Obviously they do well enough not to need my humble assistance.

The vast majority of people I meet professionally have not been quite so lucky with their investments, and quite often managed to lose money even though at least some of the world’s markets were rising quite nicely.

Some believe they understand how it all works and dive into the market once they believe the bottom has been reached. That of course is the ideal time to go in.

But how do you know when that’s happened?

Investors are easily confused during a drop in one or another of the world’s markets. All three principal categories of investment - equities, bonds and cash - are often talked down as soon as they are recommended. No sooner does an investor do a ‘flight to quality’ than someone else yells, “Don’t”.

“No-one is more vulnerable than the private investor,” admitted one American dealer when the markets experienced a dip a few months back, and - according to some of the Talking Heads on TV - global economic prospects were suddenly looking gloomy.

But sure enough, within a couple of months everything was back to normal and the markets had bounced back (as some of us had predicted). People who had invested into a strategically-diversified equity-based portfolio in September were rubbing their hands with glee by Christmas.

The main mistake everyone makes in a bull market is to build up an equities-only portfolio and claim, “I can ride out the storm.” But at the first sign of trouble these investors are heading for the exit and usually selling somewhere near the bottom. This is self-defeating.

Understanding risk

Whenever there is a dip in the markets, the most important thing not to do is panic.

Investors owe it to themselves to construct a portfolio that is commensurate with their real tolerance of risk - and most people are a lot less tolerant of risk than they care to admit. It is vitally important to make sure one has a mix of assets one is comfortable with over the long term.

The basic choice is equities, bonds and cash. And the mix comes down to the proportion you hold of each of these asset classes in your overall investment portfolio (which in my profession’s jargon is called the ‘Asset Allocation Matrix’).

Historically, equities have always out-performed other asset classes over extended periods of time. In the short term, however, there will always be periods of volatility which affect the returns on paper. Thus an investment in equity markets should always be viewed as a long term commitment - a time frame of at least five years.

During a market correction, it is only those people who invested recently and found they suddenly need cash who will suffer a reduction in their asset value. For longer term investors, it is worth remembering it is only the paper value which has fluctuated.

But all too often, nervous investors (those who either don’t really understand how stock markets operate, or who have taken on more risk than their nerves can accept) will track their investments very closely, and sometimes be simply too close to the wood to see the trees. They’ll tend to dwell so much on day-to-day fluctuations that they lose sight of the overall investment objective - if they had even set one in the first place, other than a vague desire to make money.

Equities out-perform the rest

In bars and cafes one will always meet people who claim that investing into equities is too risky - that they always lose money in the stock market. Well, perhaps that is because they did what many who don’t really understand stock markets do: wait until the market has gone up and up and up before tentatively buying in, and then when it dips down again (as stock markets frequently do after the ‘big boys’ take their profits), they nervously watch the downward slide and then sell out in a panic, thereby locking in a loss. Of course these people always lose money on the stock market!

However, the long-term figures speak for themselves.

For instance, a study published last year showed that if you had invested ฃ100 in UK equities back in 1945, and assuming gross dividends had been reinvested, by the end of December 1997 - (yes, I did say 1997 - the year of the Asian Slump) - that sum of money would have been worth ฃ73,657. By comparison, ฃ100 invested in UK government bonds over the same period, again with gross income reinvested, would have been worth only ฃ2,503.

Similarly, over the 15-year period between 7th September 1983 and 7th September 1998, the S&P 500 index (a good measure of US equities) had risen 479%. Over the same period, the UK’s FTSE All Share Index was up 444% and Germany’s DAX 30 Index was up 594%.

While it is quite true that equity markets frequently have bumps and dips in the short term (called ‘volatility’ in my industry’s jargon), there is no question that capital growth over time is most effectively achieved by an investment in equities.

But how does an investor sleep soundly when he fears that the news the next morning will be of a market crash which has stripped billions off the value of the world’s equity markets, and his hard-won nest-egg has turned into a shrivelled omelette?

If you are certain that your asset allocation matrix at commencement was truly tailored to meet your own financial needs and objectives, and if you know you can rely on the financial advisor or fund manager to whom you entrusted that task, then there should be little cause for concern.

Getting proper advice

At my firm for instance (since I cannot speak for others), when an investor comes to us and outlines his or her financial needs and objectives, the portfolio we recommend to them is structured according to what we are told.

For instance, we would only recommend equity-based investments if the investor shared with us long-term investment objectives. So regardless of what happens to equity markets in the short term, we remain concerned with providing a portfolio that meets those long-term needs.

An example would be a client whose main objective is to build up a capital sum for his children’s education. This might be from an existing sum of capital, or from regular savings over time, or a combination of the two.

Whatever the route taken, the client’s satisfaction rests in achieving the objective: paying for education at some specific date in the future. Then, the real risk would be to put that money into low volatility instruments such as cash deposits and bonds which have a poor chance of delivering the capital growth required to meet the stated objective. So at least a goodly portion of that sum has to be invested in equities.

Given the higher risk nature of the resulting investment portfolio, it would be fully explained to the client what we are recommending and why, and how the strategic balance should be restructured as the time draws closer to drawing down the accumulated capital, which would need protecting against potential volatility.

Given that the rationale for equity exposure is clear from the start and that the money is either locked away (in the case of capital) or building up long term from regular savings, the investor relaxes knowing that his investment needs and objectives have a better chance of being achieved.

On the other hand, if a client says the need is for income (a pension, for example), then we structure his or her portfolio with a commitment to meeting that aim.

However, if the client will be needing capital in the short term - less than a year away - we suggest keeping a cash reserve on secure interest-bearing deposit or money funds sufficient to meet those requirements, rather than placing this capital into equities which might indeed grow better or may suffer a dip right before it’s needed.

This may all seem just common sense; but common sense isn’t too common - especially when it comes to how many people view their investments.

A particularly frustrating example of how things can go awry is when a client who has not divulged his need for short term liquidity - despite this point having been addressed during our discussions, and his leading us to believe he can take a long-term view - suddenly wants to access his capital within a very short space of time after establishing a medium or long-term investment strategy, which then either has to be unravelled or restructured (which inevitably involves quite a bit of time-consuming paperwork, not to mention international communications costs), or worse, encashed at perhaps the wrong time in a market cycle, and perhaps suffers costly penalties as well.

While an ethical financial adviser will always work on a ‘best advice’ basis with his clients, such best advice can only be given to any client who is willing to go through the time-consuming and sometimes boring process of identifying, quantifying and prioritising his financial needs and aspirations, and clearly establishing his investment goals and criteria. When the client fails to disclose important pertinent information or moves the goalposts afterwards, it is hardly the advisory broker’s fault.

Doing your homework

Investors can best serve themselves through market fluctuations by adequately researching the companies to whom they entrust their assets, or dealing through a reliable broker who is in a position to do this for them.

Simply comparing best-performing funds gives a distorted picture. You have to know what has created that performance. Did it come from just one stock? Just one sector? Was it down to the fund manager’s good guidance, good management or just luck? Last year’s best performer may be next year’s worst.

The art of choosing a best-performing fund company, or any particular fund from that company’s ‘menu’, is to understand how the fund is managed, what/who is driving it and what it aims to achieve. Look for consistency, constancy and persistency.

If you go through the correct process of clearly identifying your investment goals, your investment time-frame, your risk-aversion profile, and then either judiciously select and manage your own portfolio of appropriate funds, or get an experienced broker or portfolio manager whom you can rely on to do it for you, then sitting out a market crisis will be far less painful.

But as has been noted in this space before, most amateur investors simply don’t have access to the quantity nor quality of the information needed to make these judicious decisions objectively, nor in most cases the ability to monitor and manage their portfolio dispassionately, even if they have the time to do so. Choosing the appropriate mix for not only your given circumstances, needs and objectives, but current and projected market conditions, takes considerable amounts of time, skill and experience.

Leslie Wright is Managing Director of Westminster Portfolio Services (Thailand) Ltd., a firm of independent financial advisors providing advice to expatriate residents of the Eastern Seaboard on personal financial planning and international investments. If you have any comments or queries on this article, or about other topics concerning investment matters, contact Leslie directly by fax on (038) 232522 or e-mail [email protected]. Further details and back articles can be accessed on his firm’s website on www.westminsterthailand.com.

Editor’s note: Leslie sometimes receives e-mails to which he is unable to respond due to the sender’s automatic return address being incorrect. If you have sent him an e-mail to which you have not received a reply, this may be why. To ensure his prompt response to your enquiry, please include your complete return e-mail address, or a contact phone/fax number.

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The Computer Doctor

by Richard Bunch

From Bob Lee: Yes it’s me again! I seem to be having a problem of late in trying to print from web pages. I have an HP printer; have windows 98 2nd edition upgrade in my system. I don’t seem know what the problem is. I have always managed to print information in the past from most web pages. The printer IS installed correctly and the port is open. I have no problems when printing from Word. Can you help?

Computer Doctor replies: You are becoming a regular contributor, but don’t worry, I like to help you! There are a number of issues here from what at the outset appears a pretty innocuous question. I am assuming you are using Internet Explorer 5 of which the latest version is 5.01, downloadable from www.microsoft.com. It is not clear if you have been able to print from web pages since you installed Windows 98 Second Edition. In any event, I suggest you try the following: try deleting the Printer from the system, then, rather than re-installing it using the default Windows driver, download the latest version from the printer manufacturers web site. If this cures the problem, all well and good otherwise re-install IE5, which will repair any damaged files. That should resolve the problem. If it doesn’t, feel free to come back to me.

From Phil Mabtatoe: I have a Pentium 166Mhz and am running Windows 98, which I know is fairly slow, but this last week it has slowed down significantly. Now it can take up to 15 minutes to open a program like Photoshop, then once opened to try to do anything is nearly impossible. Have you any suggestions I could try or do you think it is just old age, the PC that is.

Computer Doctor replies: As you say, your system is fairly old and is probably reaching the end of its useful life, particularly if you are doing any significant quantity of graphics. Nonetheless, it is probable that some system files have become damaged and in the first instance, you can try to re-install Windows 98 over the top of the existing installation, taking care to re-install into the same directory as your existing Windows. If this doesn’t do the trick then the Registry itself could be damaged and if this is the case, then the best solution is to save your data then format your hard disk and do a clean install. If you are still experiencing problems then the chances are that you have a hardware problem and depending upon what this is, it may not be economic to repair a system of this age.

Send your questions or comments to the Pattaya Mail at 370/7-8 Pattaya Second Road, Pattaya City, 20260 or Fax to 038 427 596 or E-mail to [email protected]

Richard Bunch is Managing Director of Action Computer Technologies Co., Ltd.

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Successfully Yours: Sitthichoke Adinan

by Mirin MacCartthy

The first time I spoke to Captain Sitthichoke, Master Mariner, I asked how I would recognise him. “It will be easy,” he said, “I’m Thai but I have white hair.” That phrase alone makes Sitthichoke a very different sort of man. Getting to know him over many years has confirmed that initial feeling. He is very different.

He was born in Chiang Rai to a father who came originally from Yunnan (so he was a Shan) and a Mon mother. The eldest of five children, he was also the only boy, a family responsibility that would change his life in some ways later.

However, at six years of age, his father packed him off to boarding school in the U.K. “My dad worked for BOAC (British Overseas Airways Corporation) as a ticketing agent and felt it would be good for us to have an overseas education. Even in our home, we spoke English 95% of the time.”

Sitthichoke received his schooling in Southampton, and it was there, with the bracing sea air, that he began to find himself becoming enthralled with sea life. His father had other ideas and wanted his son and heir to become an airline pilot. Sitthichoke was told to present himself for the airline exams. Rather than refuse, he didn’t go! In fact he did not go four times and after the final attempt by his father, Dad gave up and let his 19 year old wayward son follow his natural bent.

So at 19 years of age, this young fellow from Northern Thailand became an O.S. That is an Ordinary Seaman in the Merchant Navy. While the sea faring life may be thought of as romantic, when you start from the bottom it is all hard work and drudgery. In those days, the early 60s, being different from the other Ordinary Seamen was also not an advantage. “They would look at me and call me the yellow monkey.” Sitthichoke said wryly. “I had to clean the Captain’s toilet every morning, and sometimes more times, if he just felt like giving me a hard time.”

But perseverance was one of Sitthichoke’s long suits and he began to slowly work his way up through the naval hierarchy. As a mariner he travelled the world, with shore bases in Europe (Bremerhaven), Singapore, Hong Kong and Australia (Fremantle).

During that time he met a number of different people and found that he had a flair for languages - much more than just Thai and English. “I really like to study, so that’s why I learned so many.” And he certainly did! Hindi, Malay, Burmese, Indonesian, Tagalog and Mandarin. “I’m not too good in Mandarin,” he said quickly, “but I’m good enough to get myself around.”

He also applied himself to the practical side of his sea life and continued climbing the ladder - all the way through to becoming a ship’s Captain. He is very proud of that achievement. “I never dreamed I could do this without going to nautical school.”

It was after being at sea for 20 years that his family responsibility came to him. His father and mother were both dead and his two youngest sisters were still at school. As a dutiful Thai man, he turned his back on his first love, the sea, and returned to shore to carry on his parent’s work in looking after the family.

With his experience and background, he took on the positions as Operations Manager for shipping companies in Bangkok, staying there for 13 years while his sisters completed their schooling.

In 1996 he then found his way to the Eastern Seaboard, starting his own shipping agency in Laem Chabang, and two years later moving it to the new deep water port facility at Map Ta Phut where he is today.

But this man of the sea has another love and that involves dry land. That other love is 4x4 Off-Roading. “When I was a boy, my dad had a short wheelbase Land Rover and an ex army Willy’s jeep, but it wasn’t till I saw the Australian Safari in 1976 that I got hooked.” Since then he has really gone into Off-Roading in a big way, running the Asia Off Road Centre and organising many treks and 4x4 rallies, including one to Yunnan, his heritage, in May and June this year.

Sitthichoke’s father’s advice was to love the world and be fair and honest in your dealings with people. Sitthichoke agrees with those words and suggests that the world would be a better place if everyone followed those dictums.

According to him, the most important quality to have is the ability to “strive”. And Sitthichoke knows the meaning of that word. To go from an O.S. to Captain means you have certainly had to strive very hard.

I asked this white haired man at the end of the interview what nationality he felt he was. “I am Thai,” he said easily, “but I think in a farang way!” The seafarer from Chiang Rai is certainly very different.

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Snap Shots: Black Velvet!

Low budget special effects photography is the subject this week. And when I say “low budget”, that is exactly what I mean. In my personal library I have books that claim to do just this and then go on for one chapter about the “low budget” equipment required - like an enlarger, registration table with registration pins, copy stand and photo floods and studio strobes. If that is “low budget”, then Harry will eat his overcoat!

However, it is possible to produce many special effects photos without having to purchase expensive equipment, work with slides only or have studio strobes. The first item you need is a roll of black velvet.

Black velvet is a very important part of photography, and in his studio, Harry here used to keep several metres of the stuff. Why? Because it is one of the easiest ways to introduce some very different effects into your photographs.

The secrets behind the use of this material include the facts that it is non-reflective, it does not affect exposure values when taking the shot and shadows do not register on it. Mind you, fluff, dust and dirt does, so you have to keep it scrupulously clean!

Because it does not affect the film, this makes black velvet the ideal material to use as a background when you wish to combine images, or do other special effects.

Here are just a few ideas you can do with black velvet. Simple double exposure becomes very easy with this material in the background. Set your camera in the double exposure mode (or if you have not got one, select “B” for time exposure). Position the subject to one side of the picture and pop the flash to take the shot. Now reposition the subject on the other side of the picture and shoot again. You will have two perfect shots on a perfectly black background. (For those using the “B” setting you have to have the room dark and the camera on a tripod. Cover the lens between taking the shots to stop extraneous light coming into the camera too, but it is possible to get excellent double exposures in this way.)

Another use for black velvet is in making pictures of light trails. These can be very spectacular special effects pictures and are very easy to make. Stick the black velvet on the ceiling and suspend a torch from the centre. With the camera facing upwards, twirl the torch and record its movement for ten seconds or so. You have just made a totally original print!

Photo montage is another simple effect you can produce using the black velvet as the background. Here you let your creative self run riot. You can produce any picture you want, whether it be yourself standing on top of the Statue of Liberty or three elephants standing on a beach ball - you are in total control!

With this type of special effect you have to cut out the elements you want from other pictures, be they prints or magazine photos or whatever. Cut carefully and then run a black felt-tip pen around the edges (See why? It will sit on black velvet!) and you are ready to combine all your subjects.

Put your composition (photo montage) together and positioning your camera above the montage, look carefully through the viewfinder. This is how the shot will look, remember. Reposition any items at this stage. Next important item is to keep the camera back (film plane) parallel with your background as this will keep all the elements in focus. Now shoot!

If you find the direct flash gives you a reflection problem, you can use household “floodlights”, one each side at 45 degrees to the surface. You will get a “warm” colour cast, but since you are producing “surreal” photographs, it does not really matter. Have fun this weekend!

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Modern Medicine: Worms!

by Dr Iain Corness

Unfortunately, worm infestations are very common all over the world, and particularly common in Thailand. These little beasts can take up residence in your gut and other assorted innards and live parasitically from you for many, many years.

They also have wonderful romantic names, even if they do not have romantic natures, although they do like to live close to you! Try these on for size: Ascaris lumbricoides (roundworm), Enterobius vermicularis (threadworm), Ancylostoma duodenale (hookworm), Strongyloides stercoralis (dwarf threadworm), Taenia saginata and its brother and sister Taenia solium (hermaphrodite tapeworms) and Echinococcus granulosus (hydatid cysts).

To get worms, you generally have to eat their eggs, and they’re not soft and easy over either. The eggs are found on the food you eat, hatch in your gut, then migrate into your blood stream where they go for a merry-go-round through your body, including a romp through your lungs, back into the blood stream and eventually end up in your bowel in most instances. Hydatids are somewhat different, as they end up in your liver and produce cysts which can last for years.

There are a couple of them, however, who just get in through your skin and migrate under the dermal layers to produce peculiar creeping eruptions just under the skin.

These worms range in size too. Little threadworms and hookworms are about one centimetre long, while roundworms are about 20 cms long and our friend the tapeworm can reach up to 10 metres in length.

The eggs may be found in uncooked meat, especially beef or pork and the liver flukes are found in uncooked fish. There is certainly a message here, isn’t there!

Funnily enough, the symptoms of worm infestation in the gut are not very great. They can cause a little abdominal discomfort and may often present as an anaemia and weight loss. (In fact, tapeworm eggs were taken by women in the early 1900’s as weight reducing pills!) With threadworms, you can get an itchy bottom as well.

To demonstrate their presence it is necessary to examine the faeces (stool) and look for eggs, tapeworm segments or even the worms themselves. This requires three samples, as very often one sample may not have enough eggs to show up in the microscopic testing.

The good news is that we do have something to attack most of these blighters and kill them. The other good news is that usually it just takes one course to eradicate the worms. The bad news is that if you get tapeworms you may need long term therapy and with hydatid cysts in the liver it will be necessary to slice you open to cut them out. Some surgeons also like you to have a one to two month course of tablets before surgery.

So that’s the slippery story on intestinal worms - you don’t want them! Scrupulous hygiene practices will ensure your family does not harbour them. Wash your hands, Jeffery!

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Dear Hillary,

I am a regular reader of the Pattaya Mail and am impressed with the wisdom of your advice to others. Hopefully you will be able to help me. I am a successful Australian businessman who has worked hard, accumulated a high level of wealth that provides me with a very comfortable lifestyle. Despite my financial successes, I have failed miserably in finding true love. In my quest to achieve loving happiness, I have commenced a worldwide trek for that elusive female butterfly. One who will be able to fill that void in my life, love me, marry me and produce our children. Australian women are not suitable. I have always believed that any relationship is a 50 - 50 proposition, but Aussie women don’t understand fractions. I flew to America. I met an attractive girl and took her to Disneyland to enjoy the rides. She took me for a ride. In Canada I met a beautiful librarian but she spent most of her time reading my bankbooks. In Paris I met a very tender person, but true to her character she was only interested in legal tender. In Rome I went out with a dog breeder. She not only took her dogs for a walk but took my wallet for a walk too.

I am now here in Pattaya, still searching for my butterfly. I have met a cute local girl named Noi who works at a beer bar. One of the drinkers at the bar informed me that Noi is a real butterfly; in fact she has the image of a small butterfly tattooed over her heart. She doesn’t seem interested in taking my money for herself though and only insists that I give her one thousand baht every morning for her taxi ride home. It seems that both of her parents are always ill, as she needs additional money to send to them.

Please tell me about the local girls. Could Noi be my elusive butterfly? She wants me to take her away from it all but could she take it all away from me? Could the fact that her parents are always ill have any detrimental genetic effect on any children we may have? Awaiting your advice.

Mick

Dear Mick,

My heart breaks for you, you seem to be hell bent on being taken for a ride! Aren’t you a little dear! Or should I say a little pricey? How long have you been in Pattaya? I am just surprised you don’t appear to be familiar with the meaning of the euphemism, “You go butterfly?” Be aware, perhaps Noi may be your elusive but not exclusive butterfly. Don’t worry about Noi’s health though - she will only get sick later in life when the daughter you have between you meets a rich Australian, who has worked hard and accumulated a high level of wealth and is looking for an elusive butterfly. In the meantime, I suggest she takes a cheaper taxi home, that Rolls-Royce is a little over the top. Give her 40 Baht for a motorcycle taxi and see how she goes! Or should I say “disappears”. Have you considered having yourself cloned? Us girls all over the world need more of you!

Dear Hillary,

The girl in my office is driving me nuts. She fights with everyone and gets very moody every month. In between times she is just grumpy. All this I could stand, but she thinks she can put any of her paperwork, files, etc., on my desk and expect me to work around her rubbish. Do you have any suggestions before I burn her bookkeeping?

Jack

Dear Jack,

I suggest you smile sweetly every time she deposits papers on your desk and say, “I need to keep my desk free for myself. I would be very happy if you put your papers somewhere else.” (Notice the “I” words here and no implied criticism.) If this does not work after several smiling attempts, simply put her papers on the floor and if she is Thai she will certainly get the message. Funeral pyring the books should be saved for a last resort.

Dear Hillary,

How come there are so many golf tournaments in Pattaya? With the extremely hot weather here I thought golf would not be popular. Perhaps it is a case of mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun? What do you think?

Rudy

Dear Rudy,

You may be right. Although there appears to be approximately 6000 members of the Pattaya Sports Club, the majority of whom are involved in golf. I couldn’t say how many of them are English though. There are quite a number of mad dogs out in the midday sun here too, as you must have noticed. It has been suggested that the golf tours are a way to raise funds for the disadvantaged and change the image of Pattaya from one of sex tours to a family destination. These factors, plus the number of great golf courses in the area and the comparatively low fees, are possibly what induces people to chase little white balls over long distances under the hot sun. That and perhaps sheer masochism could play a part as well.

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GRAPEVINE

Chicago style dessert
The drums rolled and the music reached a crashing crescendo, but the exotic go go dancer failed to jump out of the giant cake on cue. A group of friends of about-to-be-married Lucien Darlan, 37, had hired stripper “Marlene” to make the impressive appearance as the sugar coated highlight of a wild stag party organized at a Jomtien Condotel. At first, it was assumed that the cake had been carelessly assembled without Marlene actually being inside. But the mystery was resolved after one of the guests heard grunts coming from within the almond paste monstrosity. In all the excitement, the poor girl had resorted to snoring in her deep sleep.

Really taking off
There’s an increasingly brisk trade down at Seaside Two on Soi Chaiyapool, between Soi Bukao and Third Road, where budget conscious farangs assemble for breakfast, lunch and dinner. The British breakfast, a generous plateful of ham and eggs at that, weighs in at no more than 65 baht. Sausages and mash, followed by bananas and custard and a cup of coffee sets you back a mere 115 baht. Not fancy, but the English speaking Thai management makes you feel at home. An added bonus is that they provide newspapers, including Pattaya Mail, for free. If you’re lucky, you might even hear incisive farangs mercilessly pulling this column to bits.

Anti marketing
Farangs are increasingly angry about the growing practice in some shopping mall stores to claim there is a 10% discount on the contents of your shopping trolley on that particular day. One well known chemist’s store in town actually had a salesgirl going round the aisles telling browsers about this special offer. Once you get to the check-out, it’s a different story. Only marked items carry the discount and there are precious few of them in reality. Several farangs were observed dropping their shopping trolleys and walking out. There is, or certainly ought to be, a difference between a sale and a scam.

The easy rider is here
An incredible eight function machine from China is now on sale in the Made in Thailand market. After assembly, you twist various levers and hinges so that the versatile vehicle becomes a tricycle or bicycle which travels backwards, an exercise machine, a wheelchair, a sofa, a desk, an easel or a tripod for cameras. But Mr and Mrs Tom Muir from Glasgow have e mailed us to say they are very disappointed. They were asked to open the unusual and bulky package at Heathrow Airport by curious customs officials who asked them how The Easy Rider worked. They had to admit they did not know. Alas, the only instructions inside were written in Mandarin.

Re-entry trip to Cambodia
Good reports about “in-out” visa runs from Pattaya to Cambodia organized by Borrow House, on Soi 13, where prices start at under 3,000 baht inclusive. You can be at the Cambodian border and back in Pattaya on the same day. They can also suggest budget accommodation in the capital if you need to travel to Phnom Penh to get a new Thai visa. Or, if you have a few days on your hands, consider a trip to the island of Koh Mak, near Koh Kong, which is idyllic though basic as regards services and amenities. Off limits for many years, Cambodia is now emerging from its dark past and is an inexpensive place for a short trip away from the bright lights and increasingly awful traffic of our fair city.

A word to the wise
Thai authorities have always been sensitive, and understandably so, about foreigners working here without Labor Office approval. It’s fine to think you might pass your golden years in Pattaya giving hired private tuition in English or repairing desperate expats’ computers at a knockdown rate. But, if you don’t have a work permit, best not to be tempted. All it takes is one jealous phone call or tip to Immigration and your world will collapse, howbeit temporarily. Recent farangs imprisoned, fined and deported have included a naive manager of a language school, an American sighted repairing the electrics at a Royal Garden ride and a Frenchman just “helping out” to create web sites.

Readers’ queries
JK asks whether there is a test on cars in Pattaya to ascertain whether they are roadworthy. Actually, there is one of sorts. When you take your car to have the government tax disc renewed once a year, there will very likely be a mechanical check once the car is five years old or more. How this system actually works in detail is not absolutely clear to mere farangs like us... LW asks whether there are national regulations for a farang wanting to own a mobile phone. No, each company sets its own policies. Buying a phone is easy enough, the problem actually being to obtain a SIM card to make the thing work. Companies tend to be very suspicious of farangs without a work permit. Case of once bitten, twice shy. If a Thai defaults on payment of the bills, prosecution follows. If a farang skips the country, the phone company has no recourse... Reader VH from New York sends us an e mail to inquire if there is a comprehensive textbook in English about current Thai criminal and civil law as he wants to feel safe as a new tourist in Pattaya. Sorry VH but you’ll have to use your common sense. Basically, don’t drive a vehicle uninsured, take drugs or invite young people under 18 to your hotel room. Avoid transacting any business on your first trip and don’t overstay your visa. Most importantly of all, don’t get into arguments with the locals. Then, chances are, you’ll have a great time in our party city.

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Dining Out: Paradise Café and Grill - Heaven sent?

by Miss Terry Diner

This new restaurant has only been open for one month, but the Dining Out Team had already heard good comments about the Paradise Cafe้ and Grill, so we felt it was time to visit.

It is the brainchild of Hans Banziger, who up till recently was one of the top management people at the Dusit Resort. What many folk did not realise, and we were some of those, is that Hans Banziger is actually a graduate European chef. The countries Hans has worked in - Bermuda, South Africa, Tahiti and Florida - also give an inkling of the direction of his new restaurant and its name - Cafe้ Paradise.

The tropical, exotic theme is carried throughout in the d้cor, with painted wooden slatted feature pieces stretching up to the very high ceiling, with huge “Rousseau” like murals in between. On a central table is a large vase with Bird of Paradise flowers to complete the effect.

The menu is not an extensive one, with 21 items in the western section and 20 in the accompanying Thai food selection. Two appetizers (60-75 Baht) are followed by three salads (60-70 Baht) and two soups (55-60 Baht).

The next sections of the menu cover Chicken (135-150 Baht), Pork (145-165 Baht), Beef (250-495 Baht), Fish (all 160 Baht) and Prawn (345-355 Baht).

The Thai menu (60-90 Baht) covers the usual soups (Tom Kha, Tom Yum) and then the normal stir fries, omelette, noodles and fried rice dishes.

Hans suggested he produce small sample dishes for us so that we could try more than just the single sitting items. We began with Crepes Mauritius - a crepe stuffed with seafood chunks with a mustard brandy lobster sauce which was very nice and we began to look forward to the next offerings from Hans’ kitchen. This was the soups, a Wild Mushroom and a Bermuda Fish Chowder. The chowder was excellent, but the mushroom was just sensational! I gave it 10 out of 10, but Madame said it really was 11 out of 10. Best mushroom soup either of us have ever had.

Next out were the salads - three portions on each plate for us to sample. Now I must admit that salads are not my most favourite dishes, but these three were something else. The chicken salad had a sesame oil and honey and mustard dressing, the Sunshine salad was a Caesar style with egg, bacon, parmesan and sunflower with just a little hint of spice and the Feta cheese salad had an olive citrus dressing. For some one who is not all that keen on salads, I literally licked the plate clean. Again 10 out of 10.

By this stage we were getting a little apprehensive - it had been so good up till now, could Hans maintain this standard into the mains? Again we had a choice of samplers and again the Paradise Cafe้ and Grill came through with flying colours. The grilled pepper steak had a sauce that Madame said was so good she was not going to leave the restaurant till Hans gave her the recipe! Hans smiled and said, “White wine, flamed with brandy, a little brown sauce and peppercorns and simmered for as long as possible.”

The other dishes, sesame chicken breast and pork fillet with mustard sauce were also good flavoursome and different dishes.

If that were not enough, after a breather we polished off Hans’ dessert crepe with strawberry mousse and a pineapple sauce - a beautiful contrast between the sweet and the tart.

Hans says that he has not attempted to place his restaurant in the “fine dining” bracket, but wants to provide good food and service at the right price. The Paradise Cafe้ and Grill is all that and more. It has the right atmosphere, great service and fabulous food. Hans - you have the right formula here. Try this place, without hesitation!

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Animal Crackers: Rescue

by Mirin MacCarthy

The concept of a Pattaya Animal Refuge Association was proposed a few weeks ago in this column. There are already vets and others who have pledged support for this. We still need community help. Will you join in?

The objective is to receive stray, injured and unwanted animals, dogs, cats, monkeys, birds, the lot, provide temporary housing and veterinary treatment, rabies inoculations and spaying before release, raising sponsorship and running adopt a pet programmes. Many of us do have something we could contribute to help; time, expertise, care, organizational ability, promotion, fund raising, housing, writing newsletters, telephone answering, volunteering, feeding, cleaning, whatever it takes.

No one vet or no one individual can do it all. For it to become a reality it will need public support - both money and manpower. We are now looking at forming a Pattaya Animal Refuge Association (PARA). Please send in your expressions of interest to Mirin at email <animalcrackers@pattaya mail.com>, fax 038-427 596, or direct email <mirin@ hotmail.com>. Let’s see what we locals can do for our local animals - Please Help!

Below is just one reader’s response to date

Yesterday I read your article and decided to mail you, then last night I witnessed a little dog that I’ve been feeding and watching out for run over by a bus. I held her head and tried to calm her as she was dying. Now I am writing because maybe I can offer you some of my time in some way to help. I have a B Sc degree in chemistry and was a laboratory manager in the UK. Maybe I can help with admin or newsletter production. Please contact me and we can talk.

Kind regards

Clive Metson

A different reader’s response

Tukta, the lucky doll.

Karola Barlow had an entirely different holiday here than she expected. She had come from Scotland and was on a tight budget. She was just sitting quietly one afternoon at a friend’s house in Naklua when a tiny tortoiseshell kitten walked inside and mewed at her. “The poor wee thing. It was if to stay, well the buck stops here,” laughed Karola. “She looked pitiful, starving and dehydrated. After I fed her she just curled up and went to sleep overnight. She was so exhausted she slept for 24 hours.”

Karola didn’t realize that the kitten had a fractured shoulder until she put her out on the grass next day and it fell over when it tried to chase a butterfly. So she took it to the vet, Dr. Nop in Naklua and agreed to send it to Bangkok to have it’s shoulder pinned. That ate up most of her holiday budget!

The little kitten is rather cute and purringly affectionate, not more than four months old. Karola fell in love with her and named her “Tukta” which means “Doll” in Thai. After agonizing for days over Tukta’s fate, Karola decided to undertake the even more expensive process of taking Tukta back to Scotland with her. Though in her own words, “The moments I’ve spent with this wee cat are worth every penny. It has a wee life now, it had no chance before, not at all.”

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Auto Mania: The ideal car to be in to fall over a cliff?

by Dr. Iain Corness

Autotrivia Quiz

Last week we spoke about the emotive name for the Mercedes McLaren team - the Silver Arrows. The question was when did Mercedes race cars first get this name, and why? The clue was Manfred Von Brauhitsch, who by the way, was present at the release of the new “Silver Arrows” McLaren Mercedes race cars a couple of years back.

Quiz car

The correct answer came from the Nurburgring race of 1934. During scrutineering it was found that the M-B’s were 1 kg over the weight limit, and following a suggestion from Von Brauhitsch, they stripped the paint off the cars, leaving them gleaming and shiny in polished aluminium. They were then within the weight and the name the Silver Arrows was given to them, and it stuck!

And so to this week. Study the picture of the old car. This was taken in 1933 and it was built in Germany. It has features which made it well advanced for its day. I want the brand and the designer. It is actually not all that hard and the brand is known by initials only. Enough hints! First correct answer faxed to 427 596 or emailed to [email protected] wins this week’s free beer. Good luck! Correct answer will be published next week.

BMW X5

At long last! The ideal car to be in to fall over a cliff? BMW have produced the X5 off-roader, a vehicle they call an SAV or Sports Activity Vehicle. On paper this jigger just has to be the duck’s guts for all the 4x4 brigade.

Can you imagine a 4x4 that has 10 airbags and does over 200 kph? With a close to 300 bhp 4.4 litre V8 and rear suspension nicked from the 7 series. All sorts of “intelligent” silicon thingys that stop skidding, downhill sliding and divide the power between front and rear drive as required. This beast will carry a payload of over 500 kgs as well. If that is not enough, it also has a 5 speed auto transmission with Steptronic manual over-ride control. Another feature is electronically activated pneumatic self levelling suspension to maintain the ground clearance.

However, it is the passive safety that is particularly impressive. After putting the X5 through all the crash testing procedures and standards world wide, it comes up with some of the best grades around. Even the side impact studies show that this is one helluva safe car to be in. Complex engineering in the A and B pillars spread the load into the side and floor structures to dissipate the intrusion forces. As I said at the start of this article - this is the car I would like to be in if I have to fall down a ravine.

BMW X5

Also fairly impressive is the list of optional extras available for this American built machine. Try an infrared reflecting windscreen that reduces instrument panel temperatures by 10 degrees C. You can also get double pane insulating glass for the side windows and self-dimming rear vision mirrors! You can get a GPS navigation system, probably a great idea for off-roaders so you get to identify which mountain you actually fell off.

BMW have also perfected “parking by ear” with an optional echo sounder to enable the driver to park within 20 cm of solid objects. The Tyre Pressure Control system monitors inflation and lets the driver know when a tyre is running at low pressure, and then there is voice control of the telephone and navigation system. However, before you put your hand up for one of these options, it currently only recognises German! Other languages are being worked on at present. The Australian Concept Car which was demonstrated at the Oz Embassy last year had one of these voice recognition systems. Like BeeEmm’s single language voice control, the Aussie one only understood English, and Aussie English at that. This was fine for the G’day Mates, but left the others cold. It will be interesting to see if the BMW factory can get over these problems in voice recognition.

If the X5 is not gutsy enough for you, you can also order the optional sports package. This comes with sporty front seats, sports suspension and some twiddly bits and an increase in neddies to give the X5 a top speed of some 230 kph. In this guise it is more than just a Sports Activity Vehicle - it is more like a Sports Racing Activity Vehicle that can carry 4 people and 500 kgs of payload!

The price? Ah, I knew you’d ask that so I rang BeeEmm’s lovely PR lady in Bangkok, Khun Sopapim who said coyly, “Ah, it would be expensive with Thai import duties.”

In the US, the base price is $49,000 (that’s around 2,000,000 Baht for those of mathematical bent), now add on the horrendous import duty, some freight and tea money and there’s precious little change out of 5 mill I reckon! Undoubtedly, with all the features the X5 has got, and being a fully imported beast too, it has to be expensive, but it still would be a great thing to have in your garage.

Hopefully, BMW Thailand might bring one out for evaluation purposes and I am more than happy to put it through its paces, Khun Sopapim! Other than the crash testing, of course!

First Farang Foray for Y2K

As well as organising the Yunnan 2000 4x4 Rally, Capt Sitthichoke is also putting together an organised caravan tour for Farangs and Expats living in Thailand. This will be held during Songkran, from the 12th of April through to the 17th, so will be an excellent way to get away from the wet madness of our local ceremonies. The route will take in Chiang Mai, Mae Hong Song, Chiang Rai, Mae Sai and Burma and is open to all types of vehicles - you won’t need a 4x4. This is a social event and not a race or rally!

For any of you who can take some time off over this period, it will be just the best way to explore the countryside of Thailand. Capt. Sitthichoke is a very experienced man in this country and if possible I might even try and get into the passenger’s seat with him myself. However, if K. Sopapim has a BMW X5 waiting for me, I’ll take it instead! I will let you know prices later, but if you want to talk to the good Captain, you can get him on 01-855 4858 or (038) 431 672.

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Down The Iron Road: ‘Mallard’- The Last Steam Record Breaker

by John D. Blyth

On Sunday 3rd July, 1938, the steam locomotive ‘Mallard’ achieved a maximum speed of 124 mph (201km/hr) whist working a test train on the main line of the then London & North Eastern Railway (LNER), on the falling gradient south of Stoke summit, between Grantham and Peterborough, 91 miles from London. Although closely approached, a steam-hauled train has never exceeded this record speed and with the demise of steam, it will no doubt stand for all time.

The occasion was one of a series of brake tests to evaluate a new piece of equipment developed by the Westinghouse Brake Co., in which the LNER Chief Mechanical Engineer (CME) was especially interested. In 1935, the LNER had introduced the first high-speed train in Britain and two more such trains had followed this in 1937. They ran between London and Newcastle, Edinburgh and Leeds, respectively. The schedule called for maximum speeds in running up to 90 mph (150 km/hr).

The test train 3rd July 1938, waiting to leave the loop line at Barkston Junction. Dynamometer car behind the locomotive. Photo by the late M. Hoather

The existing brake equipment could not always ensure the train stopping within the standard distances and special signalling arrangements had to be applied, acceptable for just three trains but a possible nuisance were there any more high-speed trains to be introduced.

Locomotive No.4468, ‘Mallard’, was one of the A4 type ‘Pacific’ locomotives of which 35 were built from 1935 onwards. They were a very much-developed descendant of Gresley’s first ‘Pacific’ locomotive of 1922, built for the then Great Northern Railway (GNR), which had been absorbed into LNER in 1923. Gresley had been CME of the GNR since 1911. The A4 locomotives had many internal refinements, but the outward distinction was their total enclosure in a streamlined casing and a special style of paintwork. ‘Mallard’ was one of the final four A4 locomotives to be built, all of which had an additional feature, helpful to free running, good steam production and economy alike; developed in France this was called the ‘Kylchap’ exhaust.

All the test trains ran on Sundays and started from London; normally they ran to Barkston Junction, a point north of Grantham where the whole train could be turned round for the return run. On 3rd July, some differences were noted: the locomotive was a Doncaster-based one; the crew were also from Doncaster, and the train itself was not the usual ‘scratch set’ used on special locomotive tests but a spare 6-coach train kept as a standby for the high-speed services. Finally, a dynamometer car was used, which is a testing and recording car used on special locomotive tests. ‘Guests from the Westinghouse Company were present as usual and it was finally revealed to them that an attempt would be made to gain the national - and if possible the world - speed record on the run Barkston to Peterborough. The Westinghouse staff were offered a taxi to return to Peterborough should any of them prefer not to travel on the train - there were no takers!

Some reports have suggested the Chief Civil Engineer (CCE) was kept in the dark as to the proposed speed attempt. I do not believe this to be true; common courtesy would demand at least a declaration of intent between the heads of the two departments chiefly involved. Moreover, my friend the late Dennis Carling, one of the test engineers of the LNER who was on the train, told me that the CCE had asked for the speed through Essindine station to be no more than 100 mph (161 km/hr) due to the curvature of the track at that point. The CCE may also have decided at short notice to impose a speed restriction of no more than 25 mph (40 km/hr) through Grantham Station where normally the test train would have been travelling at around 75 mph (121 km/hr). This restriction would mean a slower approach to the test section and even a lowering of the maximum speed achieved.

The engine crew alongside ‘Mallard’ at Peterborough station immediately after the record run. Left to Right: Fireman T. Bray, Driver J. Duddington, and Inspector S. Jenkins. Photo by the late M. Hoather

There are no known photographs of the test train in full flight but one of the ‘guests’ had camera and it is from his negative that the accompanying pictures have been made. The late Mr. Hoather’s pictures are historic and have been reproduced many times.

The imposed speed limit at Grantham was strictly observed and then ‘Mallard’ was driven very hard indeed up to Stoke summit; it is possible that this hard work caused some damage to a known weak point on some of the Gresley locomotives, a tendency of a particular bearing to overheat. Eleven minutes after passing Grantham, ‘Mallard’ was the world speed record holder for steam on rail... and Essindine Station and its 100 mph restriction was less than two miles away! The regulator (‘throttle’) was quickly, fully closed and the brakes applied, but the speed at this critical point was 7 mph over that asked for.

Just at the moment of closure of the regulator, it was plain that the weak bearing had succumbed to the events of the day and had overheated. Dennis Carling told me that he though the bearing had failed just after the brake application. Others think it was before. The truth is important here, as if it was ‘before’, then it was another routine failure due to the hard work and high speeds - remember that all the heavy driving mechanism, at the maximum speed would have been rotating at over 8 revolutions per second... but if it was after, another factor comes in, which is that when the regulator is open and steam is being applied, alternatively, to each side of each piston, the power applied thence to each of the cranks causes the wheels to turn, but when it is closed the opposite applies: there is no steam in the cylinders, but the pistons move back and forth and the wheels continue to rotate, as they must until the locomotive stops. It has been found that a bearing can become overheated as a result of the sudden change from the piston driving the engine and the pistons being moved not by steam but by the power transmitted from the mechanism. The load on the bearing in question would be greater from the heavy driving mechanism and overheating more likely. The answer has to be to close the regulator slowly, but one fault of most Gresley designs was that this is almost impossible as the action of opening and closing is very stiff and requires a good pull to move it.

The train was taken down gently to Peterborough where ‘Mallard’ was removed to the locomotive depot for examination. It could not safely run much further, much less run through to its final destination, without attention and to that extent it has to be admitted that it failed.

Credit to the A4’s - they have run at 100 mph or over on more occasions than any other British steam locomotive type. This may also be partly due to the London to Edinburgh line, on which they did most work, which has more localities suitable for high speed running than most other main lines. I can think of at least two locomotive types that, given the opportunity, could have run at least as fast as ‘Mallard’ in the locality of the record run, but of course, the chance was never given.

‘Mallard’ is one of the 100-plus locomotives in the British National Collection; it is normally on exhibition at the National Railway Museum at York.

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Coins of the Realm: A popular coin from King Chulalongkorn the Great

by Jan Olav Amalid,
President House of the Golden Coin

In 1907 King Chulalongkorn (Rama V) made his second visit to Europe. The King was abroad for 235 days, and while in Europe he visited Italy, France, Spain, Germany, England, Denmark and Norway.

In France, King Chulalongkorn honored the French mint with a visit. The King had also been at the French mint on his first European visit in 1897. At that time the French mint, in honor of King Chulalongkorn’s visit, struck a special medal. On one side it was written “SA MAJESTE LE ROI DE SIAM A VISTE LA MONNAIE DE PARIS LE 16 SEPTEMBRE 1897”, which means, “His Majesty the King of Siam visited the French Mint on 16th September 1897”. The other side shows the building of the French mint. This medal I have only seen once, and I believe it is very rare. (By the way, the French mint today is in the same building in Paris.)

During King Chulalongkorn’s visit in 1907, His Majesty again met the engraver A. Patey. In 1897 it was Patey who had engraved the one medal to mark the occasion of the King’s first visit to Europe.

King Chulalongkorn wrote many letters from Europe to his daughter, Princess Nipha Nobhadol, whose nickname was Noi. The letters can be found in the book “Klai Ban” (Far From Home). In one of the letters he writes about his visit to the French mint:

“It is quite impossible to do a clay sculpture of a person when working only from a photograph, because the light and shade aren’t pronounced enough to give the true proportions of the face. The small model he made first was much too flat, and the larger one was hollow-cheeked, the skin looked wrinkled and sagging, and the mouth was rather puffy.

“But this sculptor really knows his job. As soon as your Father sat and posed for him, he straight away grabbed a lump of clay and started remodeling the head, then he corrected the face, putting clay on the cheeks to make them a bit fuller and patching up the temples in the same way. Then he smoothed out most of the wrinkles and corrected the eyebrows. But he had quite a struggle to get the mouth right.

“At first Father didn’t like the idea of having to sit for him, but after watching him do the first few bits of touching-up, I realized at once that it helped tremendously, and that dispelled my displeasure. Father so enjoyed watching him work that although he had asked me for pose for only an hour, I actually stayed for over two, and yet it wasn’t enough to get it quite correct. Time ran out and it had to be continued in Hamburg.

“I must say the French sculptors can work faster than the Italians; they are much better at getting a good likeness straight away.”

The obverse shows King Chulalongkorn facing left with the inscription “King of Siam” and A. Patey on the King’s shoulder. The reverse shows the three-headed elephant with the inscription “State of Siam” and the RS date and denomination.

One of the results from King Chulalongkorn sitting for A. Patey is the most popular coin from the reign of King Chulalongkorn. It is the one baht coin with the King’s portrait on the obverse and the three-headed elephant on the reverse. The coin was struck in RS 127 (1908), and was going to be issued in accordance with the Gold Act of 1908. Unfortunately, at the time the coin arrived Thailand, the King had passed away. The one baht of 1908 was never put into circulation, but distributed at King Chulalongkorn’s cremation.

Some of the coins were made into boxes with one or two coins, and some were put in to plaques. This coin is not very rare since the mintage was 1,035,691, making it very popular. Not only coin-collectors look for the one baht coin of 1908; collectors of Buddha-images and others that want to keep a memento from the great King Chulalongkorn do as well.

The price of this coin today in beautiful condition is 200,000 baht and up. Here I have to warn that this is probably the most copied Thai coin, so please do not believe in bargains in the market.

I do not know if it was because of King Chulalongkorn’s nice words or the engraver’s skills, but A. Patey became the Chief engraver at the Paris mint.

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Fitness Tips: Rating your eating habits

by David Garred, 
Club Manager Dusit Resort Sports Club

G’day Pattaya,

Last week I gave you my top 10 tips for fat loss. This week I want to take that one step further and make it a little more personal with you taking an honest (hopefully) look at what you eat and how it rates with your goal.

The Pattaya Mail is due for its annual Quiz in the Sports Section and the prize is an increasingly healthy body. This quiz will give you the chance to see if your eating habits are working for or against your Health & Fitness goals. Just circle the dot next to your response and add up your score at the end.

1. Do you use Butter or Margarine?
* A. All the time
* B. Only occasionally
* C. Hardly ever
* D. Not at all

2. Do you eat fried or battered foods?
* A. Twice a week
* B. Once a week
* C. Once a fortnight
* D. Never

3. Do you eat fast foods?
* A. Twice a week
* B. Once a week
* C. Once a fortnight
* D. Once a month

4. How many of Carbohydrates do you eat a day?
* A. Five or more
* B. Two or three
* C. Less than two
* D. Less than one

5. How many servings of vegetables do you eat?
* A. Three or five per day
* B. One or two per day
* C. Less than one per day

6. How many servings of fruit do you eat?
* A. Three to five per day
* B. One or two per day
* C. Less than one per day

7. Which dairy products do you most frequently use?
* A. Full cream varieties
* B. Mixture of full and fat reduced
* C. Fat reduced varieties only

8. How often do you eat fish?
* A. At least 3 times per week
* B. At least once per week
* C. Sometimes
* D. Hardly ever

9. Do you choose lean cuts of meat?
* A. Always
* B. Sometimes
* C. Don’t usually

10. Do you avoid foods with rich, creamy sauces?
* A. Always
* B. Sometimes
* C. Not usually

Scoring:
1. A 1, B 2, C 3, D 4
2. A 1, B 2, C 3, D 4
3. A 1, B 2, C 3, D 4
4. A 4, B 3, C 2, D 1
5. A 4, B 2, C 1
6. A 4, B 2, C 1
7. A 1, B 2, C 4
8. A 4, B 3, C 2, D 1
9. A 4, B 2, C 1
10. A 4, B 2, C 1

How did you rate?

10 - 17 - Your food intake needs some serious work if you want to make it a healthy one. More fruit and vegetables, less take away food and stay away from full cream dairy products.

18 - 27 - Your food intake is not bad and is heading in the right direction, although a little more attention wouldn’t go astray. Try increasing your fresh fruit and vegetable intake.

28 - 39 - Well done! You obviously care about what goes into your body and will reap the benefits in years to come. Keep up the good work.

40 - You are having a lend of me.

Carpe’ diem

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Copyright 1999 Pattaya Mail Publishing Co.Ltd.
370/7-8 Pattaya Second Road, Pattaya City, Chonburi 20260, Thailand 
Tel.66-38 411 240-1, 413 240-1, Fax:66-38 427 596; e-mail: [email protected]

Updated by Chinnaporn Sangwanlek, assisted by Boonsiri Suansuk.