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HEADLINES [click on headline to view story]:
 
Family Money: Why save money?
 
The Computer Doctor

Successfully Yours: Alvi Sinthuvanik
 
Snap Shots: “Weegee - the Famous”
   
Modern Medicine: Remaining Fit!

Heart to Heart with Hillary
 
Grapevine

Dining Out: Five Star Vegetarian - a healthy experience
  
Animal Crackers: Frogmouths
  
Auto Mania: Hello sexy man!

Family Money: Why save money?

By Leslie Wright

To achieve their financial objectives in life, most people need the help of a savings or investment programme.

People who have no existing capital will need to accumulate it by saving from income. People who already own capital will need to invest it wisely to preserve and increase its value.

But many people get confused about the terms ‘investment’ and ‘savings’.

For most people, the term ‘savings’ has meant the process of setting aside small amounts of money on a regular basis to accumulate capital. On the other hand, ‘investment’ for most people has meant using existing lump sums of capital to produce either income or capital growth, or a balanced mixture of the two.

Similarly, the term ‘savings’ has tended to refer to money placed in deposit accounts, while ‘investment’ has largely referred to the purchase, directly or indirectly, of stock market securities.

Today, these distinctions between ‘savings’ and ‘investment’ have become blurred. For example, savings schemes may now involve very large regular contributions; lump-sum investments may be available for a relatively small minimum contribution; and many savings and investment products accept both lump sums and regular contributions. Equally, some modern products allow large or small lump sums to be invested in either deposits or stock market products, or a mixture of the two.

No money, no honey

People without capital will need to save from income in order to accumulate enough money to provide themselves, and their families, with some of the more expensive essentials of life and most of its luxuries.

Each individual has differing and unique reasons for saving money, but the most common reasons are:

* To build an emergency fund to help the family survive unexpected financial difficulties;
* To produce the purchase price of a substantial item such as a motorcycle, car, yacht, TV, a dream holiday;
* To put down a substantial deposit on the purchase of a house;
* To provide private education for children;
* To pay for children’s weddings, provide dowries or help children set up their own homes;
* To pay maintenance & support to previous wives and/or children;
* To set up in business or re-equip an existing one;
* To supply a good retirement income for life.

Some of these reasons for saving apply to almost everybody at some time or other. For example, the existence of an emergency fund may mean being able to feed one’s family and avoid losing one’s home during a period of unemployment. Similarly, failing to save for a pension may lead to extreme poverty in old age. All people need to understand how important it is to make provision for such essential needs.

Unique needs

Some reasons to save may be needs in one culture but not in another. For example, provision for children’s weddings or daughters’ dowries may be an essential matter of pride and honour in some societies; in other societies, such provision is a matter of indifference and purely voluntary.

Finally, many reasons for saving are a matter of choice for individuals. It would be nice for almost all of us to be able to buy a new car, take a trip round the world or own a yacht.

It would be great if we could all give our children the best education that money could buy.

We would like to do these things if we had the money; but if we never get the money to do them, it will not ruin our lives or those of our children.

Such objectives are, for most people, merely wishes and not essential needs. People can save to achieve their wishes and fulfil their dreams but wish-fulfilment ought to take second place to provision for essential needs.

However, care is needed in distinguishing between wishes and needs.

Some people’s wishes are so strong that they are converted into needs by the individual’s determination to fulfil them. For example, for most families with modest incomes, a wish to send all their children to private schools is a dream incapable of fulfilment. However, in some families, the parents may scrimp, save and make great sacrifices so that they can educate their children at what they regard as good schools.

Similarly, most people who would like to tour the world when they retire will not worry if they do not actually do so. Occasionally, one meets people for whom world travel, possibly to visit a close relative overseas before they die, is such a burning ambition that they will make many sacrifices to achieve it. For such a person, world travel is a financial planning need.

However, even needs to which the individual is totally committed should be secondary to such essential needs as provision for retirement.

The time factor

A distinction must also be made between long-term and short-term saving.

Short-term usually refers to savings periods of five years or less. Short-term saving, therefore, includes a few months’ savings to buy a present or to pay for next year’s holiday. It also includes saving for a few years to build an emergency fund, put down a deposit on a house or buy sufficient furniture to set up home.

Long-term saving refers properly to periods of 10-15 years or more. Such savings may be undertaken to achieve a specific purpose such as to repay a house purchase loan in 25 or 30 years’ time, to build an adequate retirement fund over, say, 30 or 40 years or to pay for a world tour at retirement.

The distinction between long- and short-term savings is important: the best investments for short-term needs are often unsuitable for long-term savings.

At the same time, saving has no specific aim other than building up a sum of capital to use in the future.

Savings may be regular or irregular. With regular savings, you commit yourself to putting aside a regular amount of money each week, month or year. With irregular saving, the saver merely puts aside surplus money whenever it is available.

People with specific savings goals need to commit themselves to regular saving throughout the whole of their savings period.

However, thought must be given to the problems that will arise if, for any reason, regular savers are unable to fulfil their regular savings commitment.

Accessibility

Accessibility is just one important consideration. People must have easy access to money to pay their bills and make essential purchases. All investors need to ensure that they have sufficient accessible funds for their needs before they start locking their money away into less accessible investments. Providing an adequate ‘cash cushion’, if you will.

The most accessible financial investments are current and instant-access bank accounts from which money can be withdrawn at will. Other forms of investment have lower levels of accessibility.

Most high-interest deposit accounts are what are known as “notice accounts” and require the investor to give notice of their intention to withdraw money, say 60 days or 90 days, before the money is needed. Such accounts are unsuitable for money that the investor may need to use at short notice, however attractive the interest rate.

Similarly, fixed term investments for one, two or five years should only be used for money that the investor can afford to lock away in return for a higher rate of interest and/or, possibly, more favourable tax treatment.

Asset-backed investments on the other hand present a different facet of accessibility. Stock market investments can now be sold and the seller credited with the money in little more than a week. However, the price is not guaranteed. If stock market prices are low at the time money is needed, the investor’s money is accessible but only at the price of a loss of capital.

However, there is a price to be paid for accessibility - the quicker and easier it is to access your funds, the lower the rate of investment return you receive.

Penalties

Penalties are usually associated with early withdrawal from fixed term contracts. It is important to know what the penalties are and how they reduce investment yields in the event of early encashment.

In the case of deposit accounts, the penalty is usually defined as a rate of interest for a fixed period of time. On fixed-term, fixed-interest bonds, the penalty for early encashment usually depends on prevailing interest rates at the time.

In the case of whole-life or unit-linked assurance policies, early surrender values are not usually guaranteed. In the first year or two, there may be no surrender value at all and, after that, surrender values increase only slowly.

Early surrender values are determined by interest rates and asset values at the date of encashment. The early surrender values included in the key features document of a product are only illustrative projections. They are based on standard annual growth rates that may or may not actually be achieved in the future.

Surrender penalties levied by different product providers vary a great deal and product comparisons can identify the products with the highest and lowest penalties.

However, penalties should rarely be considered in isolation. The risk of incurring a penalty, and therefore reduced investment returns, has to be balanced against your main investment needs and objectives.

For example, someone who needs to build a pension fund, but has a poor history of saving, may well need an element of discipline built into his savings program. Here, heavy early-encashment penalties can actually be advantageous inasmuch as they provide the disincentive he requires against stopping contributions early.

The problem with penalties is that they mainly arise when investors can least afford their cost. For example, a policyholder may receive a poor surrender value at a time when unemployment has forced him to surrender the policy.

The creation of a safe emergency fund that is easily accessible reduces the risk that investors will have to surrender long-term savings plans and incur penalties.

If you have any comments or queries on this article, or about other topics concerning investment matters, write to Leslie Wright, c/o Family Money, Pattaya Mail, or fax him directly on (038) 232522 or e-mail him at [email protected]. Further details and back articles can be accessed on his firm’s website on www.westminsterthailand.com.

Leslie Wright is Managing Director of Westminster Portfolio Services (Thailand) Ltd., a firm of independent financial advisors providing advice to expatriate residents of the Eastern Seaboard on personal financial planning and international investments.

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The Computer Doctor

by Richard Bunch

From Nong, Sattahip: I am at my wits end; I have recently purchased a Pinnacle Studio DC10 capture card, as I believed from various articles I had seen that Pinnacle cards provided excellent quality. Since purchasing this I have had no end of trouble with it, the bundled software is buggy and often crashes my system, I get an intermittent error when making a movie which says ‘AVI cache inside’. This is obviously a common problem as it appears many times when I do an Internet search, although there appears to be no solution posted. The manual is not particularly helpful and the support I have received from the dealer has, to say the least, been disappointing to the point of non-existent. I am stuck with this card which is like an albatross around my neck, can you give me any advice on this matter as I really can’t afford to buy another card at this time and frankly see no reason why I should. If I was in England I would sue the companies involved but this is Thailand so…

Computer Doctor replies: We have had similar experiences and I can concur that the company you mention really has no concept of customer care or satisfaction, how they remain in business is a mystery! We had a faulty card which we were unable to get replaced by them and after several lengthy international telephone calls with Pinnacle in Singapore a replacement card was sent by courier, albeit we had to pay Customs Duty and courier fees further increasing the cost of the card. I really have no solution for you but can only commiserate with you; I think the lesson to be learned is not to use Pinnacle cards.

From Aloijsius Deins, Pattaya: Always reading your articles about computers, I have the following problem with my computer. Writing articles and to make a book, I always use Microsoft Word, that has everything and a spell checker. Very strange everything goes very good, but sometimes everything goes very slowly, with make spaces back to another line make corrections nearly everything works then as a slow motion movie, after 8 or 10 lines it returns to normal, I don’t think I am doing anything wrong. Maybe you can give me an answer?

Computer Doctor replies: It is really very difficult for me to give you an answer, as I require more information from you. In the meantime, I think your problem is likely to be caused by insufficient resources or corrupt files, either within Windows or Word itself. If you can provide the following information I will respond more accurately. Processor, memory, hard disk size, operating platform, Word version and details of any other installed software.

On a brighter note after the recent spate of price increases for one reason or another, this week has seen them start to fall again and there have been some really significant reductions in the price of Pentium III processors. Interestingly, Intel has this week launched its fastest processor yet, the Pentium III at 733Mhz.

Send your questions or comments to the Pattaya Mail at 370/7-8 Pattaya Second Road, Pattaya City, 20260 or Fax to 038 427 596 or E-mail to [email protected]

Richard Bunch is Managing Director of Action Computer Technologies, on South Pattaya Road (900 metres from Sukhumvit Road). Providing total computer, IT solutions, website and advanced graphics design to corporate clients and home users on the Eastern Seaboard. Please see our advertisement or call 038 374 147 or 411 063 www.act.co.th

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Successfully Yours: Alvi Simthuvanik

by Mirin MacCarthy

We met at Alvi’s new coffee shop at the Bangkok-Pattaya Hospital. She immediately said, “I am not so sure about being ‘successful’. If it is about doing what you enjoy, then I am successful. But if it is about money, I still have a big overdraft in the bank.” After reassurance, we began the interview.

Alvi was born in Nakon Si Thammarat in the south. She was one of eight children to an accountant from a tin mine. Her father spoke several languages and was a great advocate for education. “Don’t give property to children - give education” was her father’s dictum.

Towards this end, her parents rented a house in Bangkok and then placed her elder brother in it, taking the younger children in to be further educated in the capital. “We lived just like a big family,” she said.

Her education was comprehensive, including Teachers College at her mother’s insistence, even though Alvi told her, “I will never be a teacher.” She also went to Ramkamhaeng University where she took the Humanities course, majoring in English. Her future was being mapped out, but she was not to realize this at that time!

It was then 20 years ago, and she came down to Pattaya to see a friend and was amazed. “This is not Thailand,” she said, seeing the nightlife of the R&R city! However, she was to join it in the hospitality industry - because she could not swim! She had actually passed all the entrance qualifications to join Thai International as an Air Hostess, but the final hurdle was that she must be able to swim 50 metres. Alvi sank after 10 and her aviation hopes sank with it! Her friend arranged a job as a hotel receptionist and so she stayed here.

The next major upheaval in her life was a man. “I closed my eyes and followed a man - to Bangkok.” There Alvi settled down, planning to be a good housewife and mother to her two baby girls. They later moved back to Pattaya, but Alvi found that she was interested in more than just being a housewife, waiting for her husband to come home. “I opened my eyes - and got divorced.”

Now suddenly in the role of provider as well as mother she opened up her first business. This was a restaurant (Rot Lamun) in a shop house almost at the junction of Soi Buakhow and Pattaya Klang. Whilst it ticked along, Alvi soon noticed some discrepancies in the bookwork and stocktaking so decided to close it. That was 13 years ago and she was now left with a vacant shop house and two girls to feed. She did what she told her mother she would never do. She became a teacher!

This was the start of M.A. Language School. Despite her misgivings, she has found that her Major in English and the Teacher’s training has stood her in good stead. M.A. now has seven other teachers, as well as herself, and is one of the more established language schools in Pattaya.

In keeping with her father’s motto, she has made sure that her daughters also get the advantages of a good education. She has sent both of them to university with the younger one graduating in four years time. To do this, Alvi works hard. Her average working day is 14 hours, despite her elder daughter imploring her mother to slow down. This girl won a scholarship for her university course, telling her mother, “Now you don’t have to work as hard!”

But Alvi Sinthuvanik is a worker. In the little time she does have spare, she devotes much of it to supporting local charity organizations like the Jomtien-Pattaya Rotary Club, the YWCA and the Banglamung Boys Home.

She does believe that while degrees are important, “You need the piece of paper in Thailand, but you learn more from experience.” The new coffee shop is the result of experience. “Last year my daughter was in hospital. I noticed there was no place to get a snack or coffee, so I approached the directors with the idea.” Now, after six months planning and three months of running it, she believes it will also be successful. “I am going to enlarge it just a little more with soups and pies as well.”

Alvi is obviously very happy doing what she is doing, and in the terms of reference mentioned at the start of this interview, she is indeed very successful. Her advice to any young girl contemplating their future is just, “Do something you are happy in.” And finally, “Learn to be independent.”

Alvi Sinthuvanik is doing that every day. Thanks for the coffee, Alvi. It was lovely too!

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Snap Shots: “Weegree - the Famous”

by Harry Flashman

Photography certainly breeds some wild people, and Arthur H. Fellig was one. Born in Poland in 1899, he came to America in 1909. He stayed at school till he was 14 and then joined the school of hard knocks, doing all sorts of jobs till he stumbled across photography.

He was reported as saying in one interview, “I saw an ad in a mail order catalogue which I sent away for: a tintype camera, and I decided to go into photography.” Even that statement was typical of this man. He didn’t wait to see if he was going to be any good - he was a “doer” and just waded right in and “did”.

He worked for a few studios and then got a job in the darkroom at Acme Newspapers. Life in the newspaper business is always exciting and frantic, and especially in those lead linotype days. Arthur H. Fellig liked that excitement. He had found his niche. He was only 21 years old but he decided he was going to be a freelance news photographer.

He soon became known as the first on the scene of any newsworthy happening, be that fire, murder, suicide or landslide. He was so uncannily aware of what was happening that people began to feel he had some psychic powers of prediction. At that time, America was also in the middle of a Ouija Board fad and from this Fellig was to adopt his nickname “Weegee”.

He even was so brash as to call himself “The World’s Greatest Photographer”! In those days of speakeasy’s, prohibition and gangsters, Weegee was totally at home; cigar clenched between his teeth, he looked like a kind of cross between the movie actors Edward G. Robinson and Charles Bronson. He became famous for his cocky approach to life. And that was life at all levels, a life he recorded with his trusty 4x5 Speed Graphic.

Of course, Weegee was not psychic, but just used to sleep fully clothed, with a police radio on his pillow. In the boot of his car was his “office”, complete with typewriter to knock out the words, spare film and lots of flash bulbs. Weegee would arrive, record the shot, type the words and have everything on the editor’s desk within the hour. It was no wonder that Weegee was so popular with the news media of the day.

By 1935, Life magazine was doing features on Weegee and his work. There was no doubt about the fact that he had the photographic “eye”, but for Weegee, the subject was the all important part of the photograph. And the subject he dealt with was done incredibly directly. Weegee was not one to be horrified by the sights before him, like gangland killings. He took the shot that kept that horror for the eyes of the newspaper readers the next day. (Interestingly, that direct, confrontational photographic style is still used in the Thai language papers today) Another quote from this amazing man, “I like to get different shots and don’t like to make the same shots the other dopes do.” When asked what his formula was he replied, “I just laugh. I have no formula, I’m just myself, take me or leave me. I don’t put on an act, I don’t try to make a good or bad impression. I’m just Weegee.” He certainly was!

Weegee will be remembered for his record of the seamier side of New York life. This was put into book form, called the Naked City and was published in 1945. Unfortunately, the wide public recognition that came from this book ended the directly grotesque nature of his images and Weegee went to Hollywood where tinsel-town swallowed him up. He died in 1969.

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Modern Medicine: Remaining Fit!

by Dr Iain Corness

Looking through my bookcase I found I have three books about Getting Fit. The interesting thing is that they are all the same one! Either it is early Alzheimers and I didn’t remember buying the first (and second) one, or I became so enthusiastic about the book I bought extra copies for my friends (who obviously weren’t as enthusiastic about it as I and gave them back to me).

This article is not about Getting Fit, however. There are people out there in Fitnessland who know a great deal more than me about getting fit. The David Garred’s of the Dusit Fitness Centre and the Sean and Hannah Panton’s of the Royal Garden’s one for starters. No, I leave the “getting” part to the professionals. This article is on maintaining your fitness level - whatever it is.

Being fit is important medically. For me, fitness means that bodily state whereby your essential organs can function as best they can. It is incontrovertible medical fact that fit people have less problems than unfit folk, never mind the side benefits like living longer, looking better and recovering from trauma more quickly.

One of the great mysteries of life is where did your fitness go? When you were seventeen you ran and jumped, played hard all day and half the night too. Your fitness was there with you, so much so that it was just an accepted part of life and living.

Then you turned twenty something. Along came wife (or husband), children, job responsibilities, long hours sitting at work, sedentary relaxations as the footy and soap operas on the telly and suddenly the fitness level began to decline.

By the time you got into the 30’s this pattern was well entrenched and the new (lower) level of fitness became the accepted standard. However, into the 40s and suddenly there was the mid life crisis. “What am I doing here?” “Why am I like this?” The usual answer is to apportion blame to the spouse and then ditch the matrimonial partner and select a new younger one that will get you up walking and playing in the park again. You also join a golf club.

But by the time you have celebrated the Half Century birthday it’s all down hill again. The infirmities of age are starting to catch up. The dicky shoulder from teenage football and the bad back from child rearing slow you down and an even lower level of physical incompetency becomes the norm. Hell, this is depressing, even as I write it!

So what to do? Simple, put a physical component back into your lifestyle. Fitness is not a mental exercise, but is a physical state. No matter what your starting level, you can always begin to include the physical element very easily. Begin by walking across to the next office when you want to speak to Tom, Dick or Harriet, rather than phoning the extension. Extend that to lunchtime. Instead of getting the office girl to get your sandwiches or som tum, stretch your legs and get it yourself. Get up from your chair and welcome every guest or customer. Personally walk them to the door when they leave. Can you see what you are doing? You have not lost time in your working day, all you have done is worked out a different way of accomplishing things. A physical way! Try it. You just might save yourself a walk to the doctor for that heart attack you don’t want to have.

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Dear Hillary,

We are fairly new to living in Asia and I am not sure what to do with our maid. She came with the apartment and seems to be a very nice person. My problem comes with the number of days off that she seems to have. It is not that she does not come to work, it is that she tells me that she has to see her mother, or it is a special day for Chinese so she will not be here on some day next week. Is this the usual for Thai maids, or am I being made use of?

Marjory

Dear Marjory,

Hillary is sitting here having had to make her own coffee. My maid is off at the temple. But how many unscheduled days off a month does she have? About one or two extra days off a month is standard custom. Not one a week! Most Thai employees and all maids take every Buddhist and Thai holiday off for which you are expected to pay. Have you thought of joining one of the ladies’ organizations here (listed in the Pattaya Mail) so you can learn the ropes quickly? Remember to smile at lot to your maid even if you can’t speak Thai and bring the odd sweet cakes for a present for her sometimes. Good luck.

Dear Hillary,

After hearing about the tourists who were shot my relatives cancelled their holiday here. They live in London and I am sure they would benefit from the sea air in Jomtien. How can I convince them it is safe enough living here?

Wilson

Dear Wilson,

Tell your relatives that Pattaya/Jomtien living is far safer than travelling on the London subway and much cleaner. London has its share of criminals too, but that doesn’t stop tourists visiting the UK. That should convince them. If it doesn’t, send them cough mixtures.

Dear Hillary,

I am only here for a short holiday, so I hope you can answer me quickly. I have fallen in love with a Thai girl and don’t know what to do. She works in a bar, but she had only just come down from her village “up country” this week. She makes friends very easily (all the other girls in the bar seem to know her) and speaks very good English. I would like to take her back to the UK with me when I go next week. How do I go about this? Will she come with me (I haven’t asked her yet)? Do I need to ask her parents permission to take her overseas? Please hurry with the reply as I haven’t got much time left.

Moonstruck

Dear Moonstruck,

You certainly are struck. My advice to you is stay at home on the nights of the full moon, change bars and watering holes, pack up and go home at once and leave no forwarding address. First you should know that “Your love” has probably been working in the bars for a year or more, would almost certainly have to have been to have “very good English.” Village girls fresh from up country do not speak any English. Most Thai girls will go overseas with you if you pay and you pay heavily. You would need a passport and visa for her, not her parents’ permission unless she is underage. Believe me this is a less than brilliant idea and an old and sad tale of many farangs. It is the first step in disillusionment, heartbreak and bankruptcy. First comes the request for money to travel to Bangkok to obtain a passport, then the requests for money while she is waiting for a visa, so she doesn’t have to work in the bar, then more money for sick relatives then more money to go up country to visit sick relatives, then if you get lucky (?) when the visa finally is granted, more money for air ticket, then more money to pay for a motorbike accident and so the story goes. This is not to say that you haven’t found the one girl in a million, but you have been warned.

Dear Hillary,

I will be coming to Pattaya at Xmas time and wonder if you knew where I could rent a motorcycle for the time I will be there (2 weeks). Is it insured and is it OK to drive with my French license? Thank you.

Andre

Dear Andre,

Non non non, obtain an international license in France before your departure. Bring it and your French licence. Absolutely never, on any circumstances, leave your passport with anybody, even police, and especially motorbike or car rental firms. Leaving copies is O.K. Of course motorbike hire is not insured, this is Thailand.

Motorbikes are prone to theft and numerous accidents, of which you the hirer are technically responsible. It is dangerous to ride a motorcycle here, bring or buy an excellent crash helmet and take out good international hospital and medical insurance in France before your departure. Stroll down Beach Road Pattaya when you are here or Pattaya Second Road and you will encounter dozens of hire places. Bon chance.

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GRAPEVINE

Odd talk
Reader PL has sent us these concluding remarks. Noted British journalist Auberon Waugh once received a very odd invitation. A Senegalese magazine invited him to him to go to Dakar to deliver a lecture on breast feeding. It seemed an odd topic as Auberon normally talked on politics or the media, but the money was good so why not. He carefully researched his subject and arrived at the lecture site to deliver, as he recalled later, a passionate argument in favor of breast feeding which was received by assorted dignitaries in complete silence. Only later did he find out that, owing to a botched translation in the invitation, he should have been speaking not about breast feeding but about press freedom.

Bank robbery delayed
A masked bandit wearing gloves appeared at the entrance to a Chonburi bank at 8.30 a.m. with a devilish plan to scoop the pool. Finding the doors still locked, he began to show great impatience by banging loudly on the iron grille. Eventually, a security guard appeared and reminded him it was Sunday morning. The hooded villain was back the following Monday morning and did succeed in making off with 1,600 baht and a few coins. The security guard said he did not recognize the culprit as he was not wearing the same color of disguise the second time.

Watch out for forgeries
Pattaya is again being seriously troubled with forged 500 baht notes which are said to have been printed in Cambodia and Laos. They are difficult to spot especially in poor light, but don’t have the same rich purple color background as the proper ones. The forgeries are slightly paler and the attempts at a watermark have been botched. The best advice is to check your currency regularly. Farangs found in possession of forged money, howbeit innocently, are likely to attract some official attention in our fair city.

Expensive ear wax
A budget conscious farang with time on his hands found he needed his ears syringing after a heavy cold. So he decided to visit five clinics and hospitals in the area to compare the quotes. Always assuming he heard correctly, he says the cheapest was 200 and the most expensive 1800 baht. Mind you, you get what you pay for. The most extortionate institution also told him he was not running a temperature and should consider losing weight before providing him with a lukewarm cup of tea. Without sugar of course.

“The chubby chaser”
Talk around town is that yet another future funder of a girlie bar with a somewhat self evident name is looking for premises on Pattayaland Soi Two, the city’s best entertainment street according to the banner overhead. Now, why would that be news? Because all the hostesses will be at least 60 kilos, presumably without shoes, and dance really cute honky tonk numbers from the 1970s. Grapevine is inclined not to believe the story. It seems to have been started by someone desperate to sell his licensed premises to a retired Sumo wrestler.

Internet news
Half marks to the Pattaya resident who joined a trivia quiz on the Net and submitted the answer Berk’s Garden to the question about Hitler’s holiday retreat... A new web page offers world wide baby sitting services, but the company is based in Zurich so you have to pay for the airfare if you don’t live in Switzerland... A conspiracy obsessed news group is claiming that unfounded fears about the Y2K bug are being spread by Microsoft in order to sell new computers. Sounds like common sense that one.

Legal eagle
Reader WA asks whether “bail” paid to a court in Thailand is lost money. No, court bail here as elsewhere is set as a sign of good faith the accused will reappear at the next and subsequent hearings. If not, the money is indeed forfeit. The person paying the bail will receive a receipt which is redeemable when the case is concluded. Another common myth is that a specified amount of cash guarantees bail. In fact, the court sets bail at its discretion. Usual reasons for refusing it are conduct of the accused, police objections and poor legal representation. If bail is refused by the first court, the defendant can ask the matter to be reviewed by a higher court in Bangkok. WA appears to be mixing up receipted bail with other speculative payments to individuals which the accused hopes will make life simpler. That’s “up to you” as they say.

Remember remember
Today, of course, is the celebration of Britain’s very own Gunpowder Plot. This week, a Wakefield based farang with intellectual leanings was trying to explain its significance to a very bored American sailor from Alabama as they sat sipping beer in a South Pattaya flop house. “Surely you have heard of Guy Fawkes and the House of Stuart?” queried the Brit. “No siree,” replied the man from the Deep South, “but the last goddam thing Pattaya needs is another son of a bitch Brit, with a shirt lifter’s name, starting up some damn queer bar.”

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Dining Out: Five Star Vegetarian - a healthy experience

by Miss Terry Diner

There are not too many people these days who would deny the healthiness of natural vegetable foods. In fact we have just come out of a period in the Buddhist year where its followers eat only vegetarian food. All this is done for good healthy reasons.

While most restaurants have a few vegetarian items on offer, it is actually quite hard to find a totally vegetarian restaurant. This is where the Five Star Vegetarian Restaurant is carving out a niche for itself. Now open for just over one month, the Dining Out Team decided to check out the menu and the food.

The Five Star Restaurant is actually part of a small group of eateries, owned by a very health conscious (and young looking) 63 year old Afghani. Mindful of his own health he went totally vegetarian over two years ago and being so pleased with how he felt he then opened up his own restaurants to cater for the healthy minority.

On Pattaya Second Road, the Five Star Vegetarian is just past the Grand Sole hotel. The building has been newly renovated with the usual Chinese heavy wood tables and chairs. The chairs have some traditional Thai slip over cushions, so there is not the numb bottom you can sometimes experience with this type of furniture.

The beverage list is mainly fruit juices and teas, but you can get a beer if you ask nicely! No Singha Gold unfortunately!

The menu items are particularly varied, in fact much more so than the usual Chinese/Thai restaurants. There is also a surprise - chicken satays, deep fried chicken, duck and pork and catfish are all on the menu. In a vegetarian restaurant?

The secret is that these are all “mock” items, made from soy bean, flour, flavouring and mushrooms, so are still 100% vegetarian.

We began by choosing Tod Mun Hua Plee, similar to Tod Mun Pla, but actually called banana-flower cake. This certainly looked a little like the Tod Mun patties and came with an interesting accompanying sauce. That was followed by Satay Gai Jay, the mock chicken satays. While it was very pleasant, with the usual peanut sauce expected with satays, the texture of the “chicken” was not convincing.

However, the next dish, Gai Hoh Bai Teoy Jay, a deep fried “chicken” in pandanus leaf, was exceptionally like real chicken. Texture and taste were superb!

We then moved on to some red curries, followed by crispy vegetarian pork - another excellent example of a “mock” dish. The rice we ate with the food was not the usual steamed white rice, but a polished brown rice. This was certainly worth ordering, the larger grains imparting a different taste to the universal Chinese/Thai food accompaniment.

For the most part, it was as if we were having a normal Chinese/Thai meal - the difference being that this was all healthy vegetarian food. Another surprise was the price. The vast majority of items were priced between 40 - 50 Baht. The other item to note was the size of the menu. Twelve soups, ten snacks, thirteen salads, ten curries, five styles of rice and another 17 stir fries or casserole dishes.

If you are into vegetarian cuisine, or are just a little health conscious, it would be worth your while trying this latest addition to our restaurant scene.

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Animal Crackers: Frogmouths

by Mirin MacCarthy

There are nine species of Frogmouths in the world, and Thailand has four of them. They are called Frogmouths for their very wide beaks, not because they eat frogs. If you corner a Frogmouth it will hiss at you and open its huge mouth to show the bright yellow lining of its mouth.

They are very interesting owls who all have very different voices. One Australian variety is known for its “Mo-Poke” call, and the common name for it is just that - Mopoke. The Thailand varieties have such varied voices as “Oooerrr!”, “Oooh-wheeow” and “Gwaaa”, but we do not call them Gwaas!

Like most owls, the Frogmouth group are nocturnal birds that hunt for insects and small animals at night, but during the day they remain motionless on the branches, blending into the scenery with their variegated plumage. If threatened, they freeze in position with their beaks pointing towards the sky, looking just like a broken branch. Look at the photograph with this week’s column. There are two branches and three birds, a mother and her two chicks. The one chick on the left is showing the beak up frozen position.

The Frogmouths probably require their enormous gaping beaks because they are truly prodigious eaters. One breeder who successfully reared a chick from an egg reported that in its first 24 hours after hatching it consumed 20 moths, 18 earwigs, 4 meal worms and 2 day old baby mice! By four days after hatching it was eating the equivalent amount as an adult bird - 11 day old mice, 6 meal worms and an indeterminate number of moths. Quite a mouthful.

Frogmouths mate for life and assist each other with their chores, such as nest building (from twigs) and incubating the eggs. The male does the day shift, while the female sits on them at night while her partner goes off to find the 11 mice and assorted earwigs and other choice tidbits for dinner!

The variety most likely seen in the forests around here is Batrachostomus javensis, or the Javan Frogmouth. They have bright yellow eyes with ear tufts from above the eyes and a heavy beak with prominent whiskers.

We have had two Frogmouths as pets and looked after another one until it was recovered from its injuries. Fortunately, we did not have to go looking for day old mice as the University Veterinary School advised us that tinned dog food was quite OK and Frogmouth flourished on his “Pedigree Chum” until ready to fly off again.

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Auto Mania: Hello sexy man!

by Dr. Iain Corness

Some motor cars just look “right”. Somehow, they are attractive to more than just the dyed in the wool enthusiast. The BMW Z3 is one of those.

A sexy rear end if there ever was one!

In the week that Z3 and I were together, any street in Pattaya was a chorus of “Oooohh! Hello sexy man!” Baht bus drivers waved and gave me the thumbs up. Even my laconic Aussie mates responded with a “Jeez, where dja get that, mate?” and another American friend responded with “That’s one helluva car, buddy.” And it certainly was.

Bright, knock your eyes out red, it sat at the side of the road like an excited puppy (or perhaps it was me that was over excited?) desperately wanting to go for a run.

BMW Z3’s dynamic interior

It has one of the most sensuous shapes around. From the swelling front guards with the pre-war nostalgic louvres, the twin BMW trademark nostrils, chromed purposeful looking wide wheels, the open top with twin hoop roll-over bars, to the stumpy tail with the most female “hippy” rear guards in the world. From the looks angle, the Z3 is a knockout!

So, underneath the shiny sheet metal, what is the Z3 really like? The test car in question came with the 2.8 litre, just shy of 200 horsepower, 24 valve, in-line 6 mated to a 4 speed auto transmission. Other options in the Z3 range include the 1.9 litre engine and manual transmission. (There is also the 3.2 litre version, based on the Z3 called the M Roadster. This is a BIG horsepower monster rocket!)

The gills just seem to ooze power.

The configuration is in the true “classic” layout with the engine up the pointy end and rear wheel drive. By clever placement of items such as batteries, etc., and use of lightweight materials, BMW have managed to give the car an almost 50/50 weight distribution which becomes evident in the ultimate driving limits.

While very much a roadster, the Z3 has plenty of room inside - well, for the people at least. The seats were leather and infinitely electrically variable, well designed and held you in place, no matter how many lateral G’s you attempted to induce. There are also some small containers inside to stow knick-knacks - but not much else.

One of the brilliant features is the electric rag roof. Literally a ten second operation and you go from open top motoring to snugly enclosed. After taking someone for a spin, it was just the ultimate expression of superiority to magically, at the touch of a button, bring the roof over our heads while still chatting to the passenger.

Boot space, in the stumpy tail, is definitely not of the cavernous variety - but this is a sports car, not a mini-bus! It will hold the obligatory change of underwear and a tooth brush.

Staring down the nose - or is it staring you down?

On the test car, the auto transmission came with three options. “Economy” where it upshifts early, “Sports” where it holds the upshifts right up to red-line and “Manual” where you can select the ratio and it remains there till you tell it otherwise. All this is also wrapped up with ASC (Automatic Stability Control - called Auto Skid Control in some markets) and some other electronic trickery by which the sensors pick up on your style of driving and anticipate your change up points.

OK, OK - just how did it drive? Let me point out, right from the start, that this tester does not fiddle around the public roads and try and tell you what a car feels like. The Z3 was taken to the Bira circuit, where you can experience the limits in safety. After an hour at Bira I can assure you that this is a seriously good motor car. The weight balance, direct steering, sure footedness and ABS brakes give the Z3 an uncanny stability on the track. It is difficult to imagine you could fall off the road in a Z3. The roadholding is superior to most motor cars I have driven, and that includes a couple of race cars thrown in for good measure. It was not a case of balancing the car on the throttle - it didn’t need me to balance it! It was literally vice free.

Powerwise the 2.8 litre engine silences all the critics of the previous 1.9 litre Z3’s. Open the taps up and the Z3 squats slightly at the rear and lifts the nose, holding it up all the way till the driver runs out of brave pills. Factory figures indicate a 0-100 clicks time just over 7 seconds, and I have no reason to doubt that (in fact it “felt” quicker).

BMW Z3

To say this was a fun exercise would be putting it too mildly. A couple of weeks ago I said that nothing beats running around in open top sports cars (sex excluded). After last week with the Z3 I might have to drop the exclusion clause!

The Z3 is also brim full of the features you would expect from a manufacturer of BMW’s calibre. Anti-theft alarms, courtesy lighting, twin air bags, energy absorbing regenerating bumpers, integrated side impact protection, air conditioning, 6 CD changer plus radio/cassette, on board computer - do you want me to go on? Yes, I must mention one item in the blurb - inertia reel seat belts with pyrotechnical belt latch tensioner. What that is I do not know, but sounds a lot like fireworks to me!

The price? Around three point eight million (say it fast and it doesn’t hurt as much) to own probably one of the more desirable roadsters available in the world today. I know they are cheaper overseas, but we are here in Thailand. If you want something cheap, buy a pick up. But if you want to pick up a bit of really class action, bite the bullet and buy a Z3. It’s only money and there’s no pockets in shrouds.

Finally, on page 145 of the Owners Manual is an item called “Disposing of the Car”. I quote, “At some time in the future, when your car has reached the end of its working life, the fact that it was designed from the start for easy recycling will benefit you and the environment.” It then goes on to describe where you can find these BMW approved recyclers. Let me assure BMW I will personally kill anyone who even thinks about sending a Z3 to the knackers yard! How could you! I want one! I certainly didn’t want to give it back!

Autotrivia Quiz

Last week we showed you an Elva Climax in action and asked about the driver. It was the very famous Archie Scott Brown. Archie was an excellent driver and I am lucky enough to have been able to see this man in action. What made his accomplishments even more fantastic is that he only had one arm and severe leg deformities as well. Today, the FIA would not like to let a chap with these infirmities hold a race licence. This is unjust as Archie so very well demonstrated.

For this week’s quiz - who was the one handed American auto racing champion? Be first in to fax 427 596 or email [email protected]. Have fun!

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